Quick background Back in 2015, I was taking care of my mom from July-October with an ulcer on her foot. My brother used to tell me about her going to the grocery store where my niece works and she didn’t buy one or two. She spent hundreds. I don’t have control of her, but when she is broke I know that voice and I would help her out, we got smarter. If she needed money to pay a bill she had to send it to us. I know my brother always worried she would gamble away the money for the taxes or the mortgage on a 3 million dollar farm. In fact, the year before he gave her the tax money. She has to add to it but she got it in March. By July it was gone. She took another loan out and I paid it and she paid me back. However she didn’t tell me that.
So, she told me the next year she wasn’t gambling she didn’t have any money. So I take her to a procedure and I needed a pen. I discovered a stack of lottery tickets. Hundreds and hundreds of dollars worth. They were not dollar ones. She came out and she knew something was wrong. So I asked her again if she was gambling. Again no. I told her stop lying to me about everything. I told her what I found oh those are old i have to check them. Immediately don’t tell your brother. So, I can understand that my brother was hurt that I didn’t believe him that I gave her the benefit of the doubt. He was down there he saw everything. Well, the other day her hairdresser contacted me and yes it’s her money and she is of sound mine. She said she saw her at the gas station on the machines. She has told me she isn’t gambling but it’s her money. However, my husband won’t take money from her right now for gas for her car and the lawnmower and a lot of other things. This sounds just like my brother the fear she won’t have any money for the mortgage in December. She does get the rest of the rent on November 1st but still. So we are paying for a lot plus the gas back and forth. Well, I asked her if she was gambling, no why? Are you sure. Yes why? I said I know people at this place and they said you were playing the machine. Oh I was watching, then oh I won $8 on a scratch off so I put it in the machine and won $50 and the lady behind her won $72. She left then. Firstly if she wasn’t gambling why did she have a lottery ticket. I told her I am done, I am done. I am so tired of my brother lying (sil) and my mom, I have been in the middle for years, well now it’s just me. I am still taking her to Vegas. I think this month is really hard for her. This is when my brother left. This is how she deals with things just like an alcoholic. Sorry I guess it’s a vent. But if anyone has experience with this I would love your input.
The Will that matters now is your Mom's Will. Based on your Mom's income, if she ever needs to go to the nursing home, she will be "private pay" and never Medicaid (unless she sells the farm long before she needs to go to a nursing home.) So most likely the farm is included in her Will.
Have you discussed with your Mom as to who is her Durable Power of Attorney (DPOA) for Finances and Durable Power of Attorney (DPOA) for Medical? Mostly likely her DPOA was your Father and if so, then your Mom needs to update her POA documents ASAP--naming either you or your brother as DPOA. She also needs to update her Will as to who the Executor/Personal Representative is of her Estate. and with a farm, there is lots of estate-related paper work that has to be done.
I am glad that your Mom was willing to discuss her finances with you. Maybe with your brother not around much, the family dynamics will allow your Mom and you to have a more enjoyable relationship. I hope that your Mom enjoys seeing Wayne Newton in Vegas.
So, every time the term deposit matured I rolled over the principal then put half in the cheque book and half in his pension account. That way all his bills were paid by the cheque account and he could do as he pleased with the pension account. If he gambled it all away. Too bad. He had to wait until his fortnightly pension came through
Sadly you are going to have to let your Mom spend her money on whatever she wants and if she does not pay the mortgage or the property taxes, DO NOT pay them for her. She has/had the money, but she used it for non-farm related expenses. Besides, do you have the money to pay the $15,000+ property taxes for a farm worth $3 million? Do you have the money to pay the mortgage? I understand why you pay for the "little things" that make your Mom's house better, but eventually you will need that money for your husband and yourself.
Please stop feeling bad for situations that you can not or do not have control of. {{{HUGS}}}
Every family situation is different. I do not know your history, but you sound like a wonderful daughter and I wish you the best. Just stand firm and do not bankrupt your future trying to pay for her mistakes. You all may need to get guardianship and either take control of her ATM/Checking account, or sell the farm if she continues down this road.
Good luck to you.