I've created a dependency on me, yet I can't keep up with all that is expected of me. Any input?

ChristinaW: Wow, I can't believe your mother just got rid of the piano. That was just plain mean, wasn't it? Reminds me of my cousin and her pet pig. She raised the baby pig. Coming home from school and feeding her. Her pig was her pet like a cat or a dog. She had that pig for five years. Anyway, one day she comes home from school and her parents had taken the pig to the butcher shop. Yep, Ms. Piggy was slaughtered and put in the freezer. My cousin has not eaten pork since. Can't say I blame her. She was traumatized and her parents could have cared less.

Thanks for sharing your stories. Guess we had the same type of up-bringing. Even after all this time, it still haunts me. But, it's okay.....I got through it and went on to raise a wonderful family.

I have a suggestion about having someone come and clean. My mom and step-dad were an hour away and I could see needed some help, (more than I knew).
I suggested they ask someone they knew or knew their parents as it turned out.
Mom seemed content to have some good friends daughter come in. She had been cleaning their small church, altho not attending there.
My mom is now in assisted living as my stepfather killed himself 3 months ago. She has dementia, I have always tried to get for them anything they asked for or I thought they would use, and now my mother has only me to call on. I've had to handle selling their home and getting her into the facility. Which thankfully I had been looking for before she lost her spouse AND her home AND 1/2 her income.
I have a brother who we haven't seen in about 20 years. He is aware of her condition, because his son calls his grandma and lives near his dad. As you can imagine I have many things to deal with at once. No other siblings. You have to be firm with your folks. Maybe come and work along with the housekeeper the first time so they get used to her gradually?? Good Luck, we all need help with SOO many areas of caregiving, and can sympathize.

Beautifulsc, I am so sorry to hear about your cousin's pig. My friends have a pig and she is afectionate, smart, funny and demanding. She loves to sit in my lap. Other than the sharpness of her hooves, there isn't a thing mean about her. After five years, her pet was murdered and eaten. UGH! I have just spent a day with my MIL who chose to hit me several times when I was talking on the phone. She would wait until I was in conversation and then clobber me! My husband wasn't home. He was out food shoppng. That's when her attacks occur mostly or when I am sleeping. She will come into our bedroom and whack me, again, when my husband is in the shower or bathroom or gone for an hour or so. Today was my husband's birthday so I held off wanting to scream at him to get her out of this house (an ongoing fight in our house that I think she likes to hear). I am exhausted., sore, mad and thinking of posting as my photo a picture of my split lip. I am way past figuring out ways to help her. I refuse to pray daily for her to drop dead. She can't have that much of my soul. It's hard to sleep when I am in chronic pain from crushed disks after a car accident. I try to lie on the couch with the TV on so I don' t think about this. If anyone else is going through this elder abuse remember to protect yourself by NEVER and I do mean NEVER hitting back or YOU can be arrested. See a therapist and vent but never hit back. So, your hugs from all are truly appreciated and you know who you are. PS ChristinaW: my MIL wants to get rid of my piano, too. It's the only thing I have from my parents and that is NEVER going to happen here.

As you read these post, you see you are not alone. I am 52 yrs young and for the last 5 yrs, increasingly I was doing exactly what you are doing. Leave work after an 8 hr day, run errands for my Parents, look around the house and began to see that it was too much for them to keep up anymore..I'm sorry but the kitchen and bathroom need daily attention and it wasn't being done therefore leading to some serious health and safety issues. I soon discovered that it was too much for me also and then go home to my own mess. So I had a talk with Mom, "Mom, I am very concerned about XYZ and I know that if you were able like you once were XYZ would not be in this shape" Mom asked me what do I suggest, I said hire a cleaning team on a regular schedule. she agreed. Now mind you, months earlier Mom would have revolted at the thought and indginity of having someone come clean her home which she took great pride in but through reality and carefully chosen kind words Mom accepted the outside help. After that, I went to town! Had their meds set up for home delivery, Mobile podiatry care, Meals on Wheels, "treated" them with delivered food, online banking...I made it easier for me to help them. I had to preserve myself as it was only me helping. I still had them over for Sunday dinner with plenty of left overs to go, did their grocery shopping, hair cuts and Dr. visits and made those trips an outting for us so we took care of necessities and enjoyed one another. Please find ways to take care of yourself while taking care of your Parents.