It ends when you are smack dab up against your limitations. And that is almost here I would think. I am 80 this year. I will tell you that the years between 70 and 80 were among the most wonderful I had and among the most reality-wielding in that the bodily changes in that decade bring you to your knees in realization that old age is here. I think you know in your heart what is coming. Not everything can be fixed. People live to their late 90s easily now. My daugther is 60 to my 80. She will NOT be caring for me. I would not have that for a second and it has been known from the get-go. Try to embrace what is likely to be inevitable. Will there be mourning and grief and sadness when Mom has to have placement? Yes. Is this not worth mourning. Life, in all its stages has both beauty and grief. I am sorry. But do accept what you know to be true. I wish you the very best.
Caregiving while someone is alive, never ends, even if you have paid help or they are in a facility. It becomes easier with help, but still requires time and a significant amount of energy. I couldn't look after my 89-year-old mom without giving up everything in my life so she is in a facility. Thankfully I can live my life and know that she is cared for.
That's a loaded question for sure, and no easy answers either. Depending on what exactly you're dealing with your mom will depend on the answer. You don't give us much to go on, other than you're obviously in need of a break. I cared for my husband for over 24 1/2 years and I know others that have cared for their loved one for many years as well, so I can tell you from personal experience that the important thing to know is that self care is of the utmost importance. Without that you will crash and burn, and it sounds like you may have already done just that. So please start today and do something special for yourself. Go for a walk around your neighborhood, sit outside and read a book, drink a glass of wine out on your patio, meet a friend for lunch or supper, go to church, just to give you a few suggestions. The important thing to remember is to just do something that you enjoy, and to also remember that you are important too. And if moms care is getting to be just too much for you, then you MUST take the next step and either hire either part or full-time help to come in(using moms money of course)to relieve you, or it may just be time to start looking into placing her in the appropriate facility, where you can get back to just being her daughter and advocate. Caregiving is the hardest job you will ever do, and all of us that have done it or are doing it will agree, so please be kind to yourself and start taking the steps to taking care of yourself.
Can you get someone in a couple, three times a week so you can carve out some personal time?
The fatigue that comes with 24/7/365 CG is incredible. I worked in CG for a few years and it was fine, b/c I COULD go home and know my 'worries' did not come home with me. You need a break.
First reach out to family (I know, they probably aren't on board, since you're there all the time) and if that doesn't help, try a company that specializes in elder care.
Even if all you get to do is take a nap or a hot bath and recharge your batteries it can help.
You don't give a lot of information--how about you rewrite this and add more so we can actually help you.
Just a thought. Is caring for a husband different than caring for a parent? At 18 I lived home but I worked and did what I pleased. A failed marriage at 29 after 5 yrs and one child. I went home for a year to get my act together. Went out on my own reunited with and old boyfriend and have been married 41 years. Yes I loved my parents but there is not the intimacy or the life that you have with a husband. I really feel if I owe anyone its my husband. He has told me that he does not want to go into a NH. I will try my best for that not to happen. The only way I would consider it would be if he entered a world of his own. My parents took care of me for 18 yrs, this man has taken care of me for 40.
All the time. She again ruined another holiday...Mothers Day today. She hates that I remarried 13 years ago..becaise I am not a widow like her. She actually asked me " why did you have to get married again? Now you cant do everything I want you to do for me." She lives in her own apartment within a beautiful new retirement community , which offers housekeeping, meals , outings, and lovely theater, swimming pool and holiday events. She sits in her apartment and ruminates about what a victim she is. My husband was getting her walker out of our car and a wheel fell off. We took it into local Ace for a wheel cap and mgr showed him that the wheel threads were also stripped and recommended a new walker. She accused my husband of breaking it. She will spend future holidays alone. My kids and grandkids live out of state and visits are not as often as I would like, and I miss them terribly. So today s behavior by this self centered woman was not appreciated. so, yes, I look ahead to when I have peace and harmony again. I am 68 and she is 91 going on 5.
Yes, it ends with the death of the old person who was deprived from dying with dignity when Nature said: "This is it", but the doctors and abnegated caregivers decided to try to fool Mother Nature.
Caregiving ends when we end it. It's a choice. If we do not/cannot give care in our homes we do not do so. That's the sad truth. No one can make our decisions for us. They are hard decisions with much pain either way we go. I knew all my life I would not be capable of caregiving in the home. I was a nurse, and that made it easy to know that as much as I loved the job I could not do it 24/7 every day and without any compensation. I wish you best of luck with your own difficult decisions. I know it isn't easy.
I am paying attention to the signs of decline in my husband. There will come a day when I can not take care of his increasing needs. I need to respect that inevitability for myself and him. I will not be able to keep him clean enough, and why should he have to endure that? Even when professional help will at one point be here-there is just so much they can do in a residential home setting. Hospital rooms are designed with every square inch being used for patient care and those doing the work. Here at home? Not even close. The day will come, I am getting ready for it, my care giving will end and transistion to the pros. For me, that is how it should happen. I think this will happen in the next two years-given the decline of my husband's overall health-there are several other illnesses in play, which tends to complicate care giving.
old age is here. I think you know in your heart what is coming. Not everything can be fixed. People live to their late 90s easily now. My daugther is 60 to my 80. She will NOT be caring for me. I would not have that for a second and it has been known from the get-go. Try to embrace what is likely to be inevitable. Will there be mourning and grief and sadness when Mom has to have placement? Yes. Is this not worth mourning. Life, in all its stages has both beauty and grief.
I am sorry. But do accept what you know to be true. I wish you the very best.
I cared for my husband for over 24 1/2 years and I know others that have cared for their loved one for many years as well, so I can tell you from personal experience that the important thing to know is that self care is of the utmost importance. Without that you will crash and burn, and it sounds like you may have already done just that.
So please start today and do something special for yourself. Go for a walk around your neighborhood, sit outside and read a book, drink a glass of wine out on your patio, meet a friend for lunch or supper, go to church, just to give you a few suggestions. The important thing to remember is to just do something that you enjoy, and to also remember that you are important too.
And if moms care is getting to be just too much for you, then you MUST take the next step and either hire either part or full-time help to come in(using moms money of course)to relieve you, or it may just be time to start looking into placing her in the appropriate facility, where you can get back to just being her daughter and advocate.
Caregiving is the hardest job you will ever do, and all of us that have done it or are doing it will agree, so please be kind to yourself and start taking the steps to taking care of yourself.
"So please start today and do something special for yourself."
great sentence. please everyone, let's do so! you too, sweet funkygrandma59 :).
The fatigue that comes with 24/7/365 CG is incredible. I worked in CG for a few years and it was fine, b/c I COULD go home and know my 'worries' did not come home with me. You need a break.
First reach out to family (I know, they probably aren't on board, since you're there all the time) and if that doesn't help, try a company that specializes in elder care.
Even if all you get to do is take a nap or a hot bath and recharge your batteries it can help.
You don't give a lot of information--how about you rewrite this and add more so we can actually help you.
I wish you best of luck with your own difficult decisions. I know it isn't easy.
The day will come, I am getting ready for it, my care giving will end and transistion to the pros. For me, that is how it should happen. I think this will happen in the next two years-given the decline of my husband's overall health-there are several other illnesses in play, which tends to complicate care giving.
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