We have been taking care of my father-in-law (96+2) for 4+ years. His health problems and dementia have made it difficult to have friends, since it's not possible to leave him on his own for any length of time. (Spoiler alert) His daughter lives on our property but is not willing to take care of him. I can't talk to her, and I hate to burden my husband over and over.

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Your local ALZ society may have a support group, or perhaps the closest Agency on Aging can point you toward one.
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Reply to cwillie

Sorry, there is no one on this forum you can talk with. No "chat" option.

Your posts will be answered ASAP.
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Reply to JoAnn29

Just FYI for anyone reading....if any of the “expert” members posts a phone number here and tells you to call your advisor.....DO NOT CALL them! It is “a place for mom” spam. The one expert who has been repeatedly advertising for them here has changed her M.O and is posting the phone number but no longer mentioning that it is for “a place for mom”. I called the number when she posted it twice yesterday, just to verify it was in fact the same spam advertisements before calling attention to it and now “a place for mom” has called me 6 times in the last 18 hours! I blocked the phone number but their calls are still getting through. And FYI, a place for mom gets $5,000 per head if you sign up for their services and put your LO in a home.
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Reply to worriedinCali
JoAnn29 Feb 4, 2019
Did you report this to the forums Administrators? They should be protecting the members.

Thank you for the info.
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There are social workers on staff at many Senior Centers, who can talk about your needs caregiving your FIL through their department of Social Services and Area Council on Aging. They might hold caregiver support meetings, in person, at the Senior Center. Call your local senior center and ask. This could also be the start of getting a needs assessment for your FIL, and possible placement if his care needs have become more than you can handle. He is 96+, are his needs 24/7? Is he mobile, or bedridden?

If you are already burnt out, dial the suicide hotline who will talk with you whether or not you are suicidal, and may refer you for personal help. You can also dial 211 for community referals.

If things are at a dangerous level for you, the caregiver, or for your FIL, call APS on your way out (stating he will be alone) as you go to the nearest Emergency Department for help. It may help to pack a mini-go bag (overnight bag) with your toothbrush, meds, water for 24 hours, clothes....

Then, talk to us here. It is anonymous, many caregivers have cared for their FIL. and it may help you to vent anonymously. Do you have any specific questions today?
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Reply to Sendhelp

Talk to someone for support, or for practical advice about possible care options for your FIL?

Your Area Agency on Aging (look it up on Google) will be good for practical ideas.

Is there something specific you need to get off your chest right now?

I understand that you don't want to burden your husband with problems he can't solve. But. This particular problem a) can be solved; and b) is for him and his sister to solve, more than it is for you.

Were you properly consulted before the family moved your FIL into your home and handed you responsibility for his care? Even if you happily volunteered and were glad to take on the role, though, it is FINE to recognise that it is becoming too much, and to start a conversation about a new plan. Have you tried any tiny moves towards doing that?
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Reply to Countrymouse

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