Follow
Share

My Dad prefers the lady that stayed with him a couple of times. He has a crush on her, all she did was smile & go out to dinner with him. New caregiver is available 24/7, finally I could go to my home & spend 3 nights there, even if the reason that I went was to have injections in both wrists due to carpal tunnel. When I came back last night, he told me that he missed me so much & he doesn’t like the caregiver. I’m beyond frustrated!!


Taking him to his Dr tomorrow & I hope that things will work out!

Find Care & Housing
Hello again and hugs.

Just been to look at your profile, and I've read your replies to posts here.

First - yes, you absolutely can use your father's money to pay for his care; in fact, that's what it's for, really. You and your sister can also claim back any money you spend that is exclusively for his benefit - so if you run errands for him, or take him to appointments, or buy clothes or groceries for him, use his money to pay yourselves back. Just make sure you keep receipts and perhaps an expenses journal if there's a lot going on.

You say you and your sister agree that you want to keep your father living in his own home. I'm not arguing, just asking: why?

If he were happy there and managing well with the appropriate support, this wouldn't even be a question, of course. But he is feeling lost and frightened, and although you have found him a good professional caregiver whose work you're very satisfied with, your father doesn't seem to have taken to him.

I should give it a bit longer, because it does take people with dementia time to adjust and a good caregiver is not someone to give up on lightly. On the other hand, you know that your father's care needs will increase as his dementia gets worse; and although it isn't impossible to care for a person in his home throughout it can become a bad idea for *him*.

Have you and your sister actually been to look at any dementia care or memory care facilities near you? You can do that without in any way committing yourself, and I would urge you to.

Even if you were completely fit and didn't have your own home and your own life to manage, there is still only one of you and you cannot comfort your father 24/7. I should look ahead and see what more help you can find, if I were you.
Helpful Answer (1)
Reply to Countrymouse
Report
Confused1POA Feb 8, 2019
Thank you for the hug, here’s one back. Right before my Dads wife died, he told her he wanted to stay at home. She looked at me and said that I was not capable of taking care of him. I guess that is why I’m trying my best.
Also his wife gave her half of the home to her 2 sons, but to my Dad life estate first. If he goes to AL or NH what happens? With the home? Half is owned by my Dad. I’m so confused,saw a lawyer, cost a lot, he has a new will, I have POA & my sister has medical POA.
(0)
Report
Confused1POA, first of all, a brand new caregiver should not being going out to dinner with your Dad. That isn't part of the caregiving contract.

My Dad had caregivers through an Agency, thus he could pick the caregivers whom he felt he could talk to, had similar background, and would laugh at his pun related one-liners. Those caregivers were put on a regular schedule for the 1st shift [W-F, weekends]. The other time slots Dad didn't mind whomever came to help as 2nd and 3rd shift he was pretty tired by then.

At one time my Dad had a male caregiver and he did enjoy the fellow's company, they would go to the Mall to "girl watch" which Dad found was fun and a way to get out of the house. But Dad refused to let this caregiver help Dad take a shower.
Helpful Answer (0)
Reply to freqflyer
Report

What did the caregiver say.
Helpful Answer (0)
Reply to JoAnn29
Report
Confused1POA Feb 7, 2019
He asked me if it’s ok, to sit in the kitchen because my Dad gave him mean looks. Another day of crying for me. Dad thinks I am the only one who can take care of him. Asked me if he could come to my house. I had to tell him no, I need a break!, I am emotionally & physically drained.
(0)
Report
Don't panic!

I certainly wouldn't assume the new caregiver is doomed, if that's what's worrying you. In a way, your father was paying you a back-handed compliment: he missed you, he minded your being away, and he associated that with this new Sergeant Major who's actually doing some caregiving work - that's all. Nothing terrible happened, did it?

I should do what you can to pour oil on the troubled waters and encourage him to wait and see how he feels once he's had a chance to get used to the new lady. And - privately hoping it went well - milk that CTS for all it's worth as an excuse for time out!
Helpful Answer (3)
Reply to Countrymouse
Report
Confused1POA Feb 4, 2019
The caregiver is a man & he does so much more. I’m able to leave & stay in town without worrying about my Dad or my dog. J takes my dog out for me. I can actually not worry about anything while he is here. My Dad is so stubborn and I am so worried that he is going to scare off everyone😥
(0)
Report
See 2 more replies

Ask a Question

Subscribe to
Our Newsletter