Changing wet diapers for the past few years has not been fun, but bearable. The recent bowel incontinence has now increased to twice a day. How do I know if he’s ill or if this is just my new reality? I absolutely hate it!

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I completely understand. I get to that point with my husband, who is about 90% bed bound. This is certainly not the retirement we had planned for all those years ago. He does t have cognitive issues, just mild aphasia from a previous stroke. I wish I had a magic wand that would fix all his, and my health issues. It’s extremely difficult to be positive. I can’t fake it,so I don’t.

A very wise member of our forum said once that you should only feel guilty if you’ve done something wrong. Wanting the best for our spouses is certainly not wrong. Good luck. Come back and let us know how you are doing.
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Thank you for the reply. He sleeps most of the day, around 15 or more hours, so he is left alone for parts of it. He sometimes doesn’t even know the movement took place. The neurologist said it is a sign that he is in the final phases. Not necessarily meaning that he would die, but just that things are going to be more difficult. I am blessed to have someone come in to shower and dress him as well as take care of his basic morning needs everyday, but I think you are correct, I just want to be done. I sometimes feel guilty about it, but mostly just tired of it. I am looking into a nursing home, and just have days of needing to vent. Today was a good day and he even came out of his room a few times. He really has no quality of life and that makes me sad for him. If I could fix it I would, but I just can’t.
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Two movements a day is not unusual and only a reason for concern if they are very loose, explosive or cause him pain. He is at the point that he cannot control his bowel movements? Would it help if he had a commode chair that was easier to get to?

I think the real issue here is that you “absolutely hate it”. As someone who cares for an incontinent husband, I know how distasteful this can be. You’ve been doing this a long time according to your profile (like me) and it sounds like you are done. You travel, hubby is declining and may be coming to the point that he can no longer be alone if he is now. Can you try respite care for a month to see how it goes?
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