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My husband and I have been caring for my mother for 1 1/2 years in my home. Everytime she comes back from my sister's house, her confusion gets worse, and her anxiety is high. She's stayed at my sister's for a week at a time, 3 weeks total in the entire year and a half. Now she wants mom every two weeks. I am feeling this is a bad idea. I know my mom loves my sister, and her family. Problem is that she has a 4 year old, 5 year old, 13 year old, and an 18 year old with husband gone to work truck driving. He's home 3 days a week. My kids are gone, and I can give my undivided attention to her. I don't know what to say, beyond that I have a bad feeling about it. Any advice? I believe she suffered from transfer trauma in the past with the other times she stayed with her. Would this make it worse?

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Would your sister be willing to keep her all the time?

Obviously you are a loving family and being around young people is a good thing, it can help her feel needed and useful, even just telling or listening to a story with the 4 year old would be amazing.

Moving hither and yawn every 2 weeks is hard on anyone, especially dementia patients. Not only that it seems really disrespectful of your mom.

I would not do it but I would consider letting mom go full time if she is willing, she needs a home that is her home, not a guest every 2 weeks for 2 weeks. I couldn't live that way.

My dad is loving living with 1 year, 4 year & 8 year old grandkids. He is doing great with the interaction. Let's face it, kids love you or not and if they do it doesn't bother them one bit if you drool or repeat yourself. They are far more accepting and loving then adults.

Have a true heart to heart with your sister and seriously contemplate how it would work for mom full time, maybe you could go over daily or ? and help in her home. Just a thought.
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Reply to Isthisrealyreal
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People with dementia exhibit many of the same behaviors as a very young child. Except they aren’t as resilient. The short answer to your question is yes. In addition, Mom is going from a home where everything is quiet and calm to being in the middle of a busy family. It’s hard to make young children understand that Grandma is sleeping or is having a bad day and she needs peace and quiet. Teenagers have their friends, video games, music, etc.

Suggest to Sister that she come to your home for a visit. Don’t shuttle Mom back and forth. It’s not good for her.
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