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I am trying to go through Elder Services with interviews and examinations. My hope is that they will provide a recommendation to my Mom's PCP that she should not live by herself and would benefit from assisted living. I have found a nice facility, but my Mom insists that everything is OK and won't even consider it.


My Mom is 86 years old and in relatively good physical health. But she does not eat well (in spite of food in the refrigerator). She is really existing rather than living, and avoids social contact.

My dad is 92 and absolutely will not give up his independence. He has dementia (as diagnosed by a geriatric psychiatrist) and is very frail. Dad's wife passed away 3 years ago. Before that, there were caregivers in the house for her and they helped him a bit. After she was gone, he would just sit in house house or just go out and drive around. He lost his license about a year ago and continued to drive just to get out. FINALLY, this summer with the help of a care manager, we were able to talk him into bringing some outside care in. We started out slow - just 2 times a week - and stepped it up a little at a time. They are there 4 hours a day for 6 days a week (I am there on Saturday). It has made a huge difference. They pamper him, cook for him, take him on errands, etc. He really enjoys their company. We have multiple people from the service that he knows now. We are using this as a stepping stone for when he needs to go to assisted living (which he really should be in right now but refuses to go to one of "those" places.) Having a care manager has been a big help for me because they are able to manage services and get him to appointments. I work full time and am not available during the week.
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anonymous594015 Nov 19, 2018
I agree about the care manager. We have found that when my husband tells his dad something he's "trying to take over" and when the care manger gives him the exact same information, he considers it.
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