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Background is husband and myself became empty nesters , had a lovely home and mom who was recently widowed had an even bigger home. Mom's home has an in law suite that she and my dad added for her mom. Mom asked us to move in because she was lonely. We did. We wish we did not. We thought it was the right thing to do at the time because my parents had been so wonderful to us. My mom used to be my BFF. Vascular dementia has come in addition to her long term CHF. Fast forward to now , 2 years have passed. Mom goes to adult day care 4-5 times a week. I sometimes have an evening aide from dismissal time at the center to about 6 pm.


Well my sis in law was nice enough to stay with her this past week while we had a nice getaway in Florida with our grown children and their spouses. Mom drove my SIL nuts but SIL is truly a saint. Like she puts it , “I know you’re coming back and I’ll get to leave, but you don’t." SIL cancelled all her plans today so she can finally get some sleep! Anyway, I wake up this am and don’t feel happy at all to see mom. My husband is amazing I’m sure he feels the same way but I just can’t say it for fear of the answer. I feel awful for thinking “ just go away.” So on the heels of that I ask , is it time to call in more care coverage ? I pay privately with mom's money. I was trying to conserve her money for when it gets real bad. She also just started on Seroquel and she’s been in mertazopine for 2 years. Is the Seroquel having the opposite effect? She’s up all night tooling around, opening and closing drawers. Calling me from a phone or walking out into the foyer and calling my name or someone else’s to see what they’re doing at 5 am.

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Seroquel may be having the opposite effect. It worked great for my mom. But ativan had the completely opposite effect as intended. Give the Seroquel a couple of weeks, then if not working check with the doctor about trying something else.

It sounds like it is the time to start spending the money for additional help. Perhaps assisted living/memory care is needed.

We all get burnt out and need more help and often placement.
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Reply to gladimhere
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Carolellen Mar 3, 2019
Thanks for the input on the med ( Seroquel). I will try it for a bit longer.
I just got a reply from care.com, someone is interested in helping out. That was quick.
ThAnk Goodness! Fingers crossed that she’s a keeper!
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Lack of sleep can make anyone crabby. Mom has her days and nights mixed up. My mom did too. But she was in a facility where it didn’t matter.

Ramping up the home care is a possibility but it comes at a (high) cost. Mom’s funds will obviously not last forever. Have you given any consideration to Assisted Living? Everyone makes decisions that they later regret. You don’t have to spend your life regretting those decisions. Have an honest conversation with your husband and even SIL and talk over the situation and need for change. Not talking about it with your husband is like trying to ignore the elephant in the room. This doesn’t get better, only worse as Mom gets farther along in her dementia journey.
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Reply to Ahmijoy
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Carolellen Mar 2, 2019
Well I definitely was a crabby patti this am. Much better after coffee and a shower for both mom and myself.
It was hard to change gears after vacation. I did miss her. If I had to put the question out there then I guess the answer is obvious...,I’ll go ahead and add more hours. It’s about the here and now.
Thank You
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