My husband has been in a LTC facility after a serious stroke last year, and his ankle and depression have been getting worse. He knows on some level that he will probably never be able to walk again, and will need considerable care once he is home(in a couple of months). He talks frequently about his life being over and often leaves phone messages that sound like someone on his deathbed. Is it possible that he could make his fears a self-fulfilling reality?
They were excited about Christmas coming, and spent all their energy and passion waiting for Christmas day to arrive so they could celebrate as a family. When Christmas Even arrived - they mentally relaxed. They thought "Yes!! I made it!" and stopped fighting for life, happily relaxing and going to sleep ... - never expecting to fall asleep and never wake up again.
Puzzled, I asked one of the Paramedics about this predictable, yearly phenomenon. He explained to me that when a very ill person completely relaxes like that, they tend to pass away during the night. He said they fight and struggle to survive to a certain day, and the night before that day arrives they don't think about fighting to survive anymore and their body gives up.
This happened every year - and I dreaded those 5 a.m. 911 calls more than you'll ever know.
So YES, it's very possible when a person is completely relaxed and at peace, or one who wishes to die can drift away to death in their sleep. Our minds, and the strength of will power are more important that one could ever imagine.
Is ur husbands age correct? Are you really considering bringing him home? If you are 73 it will not be easy to care for someone who can no longer walk. He will be dead weight. If he is incontinent you have to deal with that. Highering help is expensive. Would you consider an Assisted Living where u can live together? That way you have help when u need it. Someone else can bathe and toilet him. There will be socialization for both of you and activities. Outings you can go on. Better than being isolated in a house together.
My dad took her to the doctor after his father died and the doctor said she was fine for a woman of her age, 77.
She died of a broken heart, willed herself to death.
I believe it can be done.
My father, in his 90s, such a gentle, kind, rational man, was so over life. He shared it with me because he COULD. And as a nurse many patients shared with me that they were over it, tired, and wished for a final rest now.
It is a rational wish. What is the sense to going on when essentially any quality of life is over, and one is facing now simply one loss on top of another? Patients would tell me that they tried to tell their families that they weren't depressed, they weren't "giving up" and they weren't unhappy. They were simply ready. They wished to go through no more. The families often would not hear it.
I am 80. I am more than ready. I have a very good life and there are things I still enjoy, walks and gardening and reading and sewing beautiful kimonos. But I am ready. I am more achy and more tired. I had a marvelous career and my kids are raised, indeed my GRANDKIDS are raised. I am ready. I don't look forward to what is coming; I wish I didn't have to face it down when at my weakest. I wish for an easy final exit.
So there is looking at it that way, but then there is also looking at it as to whether a try at a mild anti depressant may not lighten the outlook enough to enjoy the things that your hubby CAN still do and attend. So that he can endure.
Unless we want to accept that we should have a right to die, a simple easy pill to take when we are ready, we don't have much of a choice.
Reassure your hubby that you understand. Listen to him. Let him know you know how hopeless and hard this can seem. Tell him that you would miss him, and likely would never be ready to let him go, but that you understand. Ask him if he might try some medication to see if it would help him get through his days, given we just have little choice in these matters.
Again, listen, understand that some are more than ready to leave this realm, and ask hubby if he would try to see if there's something that might be tried to make him feel good enough to want to stay with you a bit longer.
You can do no more. Not everything can be fixed.
I had the unfortunate job to tell him the brain tumor was causing his issues, but there was no medical fix available to him. I did not tell him about the doc saying he had 3 months to live, just that hospice would be hired to help and support him at the AL he and mom lived in. I told him people can live for 2 years or more under hospice care, it wasn't a death sentence.
He absorbed the info and we went back to the ALF.
Dad went into bed 3 days later with a UTI and passed away 16 days later.
Yes. I believe when a person gives up their will to live, the death process can begin quite fast. I also feel that it was a blessing God took dad so quickly and w/o pain or suffering. Why try to extend the life of an elder who has too many health issues to recover from? Getting an RX for antidepressants isn't going to change the reality of your DHs dx or the quality of his life, I don't think. There are some things no pill on earth can fix.
However, you use the words "seriously depressed" to describe him, which leads me to ask if that matter has been addressed? There's always a possibility a prescription can make dh feel better, one never knows.
I'm sorry you are both faced with such a situation and pray that God helps you both achieve acceptance with it.