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Mom is 88 years old, 89 in June. She is in memory care since 2017, diagnosed in 2015 but able to stay in regular aging care residence for a while. Till recent weeks, she was participating in the memory care games and activities despite hearing loss and degenerative macula. We visit her my husband, I and the dog twice a week for at least 2 hours. And when I have enough strength left (Sjogrën syndrom and medication against cancer recidive) I add one visit alone.


I noticed for some time now that she is losing interest in the activities (even tv). And now she adds the impression of abandonment not by us really but by the staff and other residents. True many, too many, changes in the staff and the residents. She used to take walks in the long corridor, but now we found her in her bed after her breakfast, so not like her to do that! What doesn’t help, I’m in a processus of official complaint with the residence for principally not respecting her restritive diet for her « entérite radique » contributing in her -too often - urgent hospitalizations.


I’m a bit at loss here facing with her this new manifestation. Is it linked to her living conditions or is it a new stage of dementia and what can I do?


Thank you for any insights. God bless you

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Hi Michou. I hope your efforts meet with success. I was told that special diets needed a doctor's order. Have you spoken to your mum's doctor? The hospitalizations should be proof enough of her problems,

In general it looks like your mum is declining. My mother passed in December, In the 6 -8 months before, she lost weight, slept more, and ate less. She had had vascular dementia for 5 years which is the average survival time after diagnosis.

(((((((hugs))))))) You are doing a great job,
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Enterite radique is a great weakness in the intestines due to the harsh radiotherapy for her uterus cancer when she was 57. At 80 she had a surgery to cut 18 inches of non functioning intestine ( burned by the radiation). The hospital dietetist gave her a diet: no fibers, no fresh fruit or vegetable. Regularly I found banana, grapes, orange in her collation and in all those years none of my pleads in person or by writing has change anything. It’s driving me mad or nut and sometimes both! Because I also see that they gave her pea soup!
Last urgent hospitalization, her intestine was so blocked that what couldn’t go out return in her stomach and they had to insert a stomach pomp.

So next week, the complain will reach competent authorities outside the residence. Now, it is wait and see and crossing my fingers.

thanks for caring

as for her new condition, I fear it is due both to her living conditions and and health decline. I wait to see what others will say about that!
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againx100 Jan 25, 2019
Thanks for the explanation. Sounds serious enough that they should be taking it seriously. Probably have a lot of changing staff in both the kitchen and the aid who might bring her her food, etc. Maybe part of your "job" (like you need more to do!) could be to give a typed up sheet of the "rules" on food to each new person you see dealing with your mother and food?

I know they SHOULD be able to handle it, but obviously they aren't so maybe until this complaint gets addressed it's an interim step to help ensure her safety and keep her out of the hospital.
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That's sad. It could really be due to her living conditions and/or her declining condition.

Can you interpret "enterite radique"?

Any new meds?

Do you think the staff is giving her less attention, etc. due to the complaint? It shouldn't matter but some people can be very petty, even when they should be professional.

What kind of diet is she supposed to be on? And they're not following it? Giving her things that aren't on the list of allowed food and drink? If so, that must be very frustrating. And if it leads to her being in the hospital, sounds like serious wrong doing on their part.

How long does the complaint take to work through the system? Is there a date for a "hearing" (if that's how it goes)?
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Yes, I am well aware of that. So hard to be this unable to make her better and just be there and trying to comfort her, without real success. As if she has lost the capacity to enjoy anything!
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As her health declines she may be having more difficulty hearing, seeing and processing the world around her, which of course would make taking part in activities increasingly difficult. It is sad to watch - there were several people at mom's nursing home who were just basically lost and confused most of the time.
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