Is anyone dealing with second generation parent whose whole family had dementia/Alzheimer's ? Not just Italian but that is what I have been dealt with. Oh I need some help please. I lost Grandma who was so mean, Grandpa (who is just like my Dad) three Aunts and they all blamed the devil for this!? Dad who is in rehab is still saying it is not him being mean to other people, but the evil one 😖 He had lost a spot at AL because of it

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Thank you all so much. So very glad to have people to talk things out with
Peace, love and joy❤️
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Oh Dixie, I hear you. My mom sometimes says that all her suffering and what she describes as ‘her miserable condition’ is because she has a curse on her. And I’ll admit that sometimes, specially in days when I really have seen the world of negativity and darkness that she lives in, it has actually crossed my mind that she may be right! As scary, illogical and non catholic as it sounds (we both are catholic). BUT, I know everything is perfectly logical, there is no mystery in her suffering. All the result of the many ailments she suffers from and her deep depression. It hurts me deeply to see her suffering as much as she does physically and emotionally, but I also know that the conclusion she gets to of the “curse” makes absolutely no sense, it only makes sense in a deeply depressed and tormented mind.

I also know that Italians when perfectly well, young and healthy, can have a very strong personality and specific beliefs related to their culture, now mix that with illness, specially dementia, and I can only imagine what you are going through.

Like others recommended, get your dad diagnosed and appropriately medicated. I know the correct medication will help him -and you- a great deal. Once dementia starts to be dealt with you’ll see how his concern about what or who is causing his extreme temperament will fall really low in the list of concerns. Also, try to get informed about dementia, watch Teepa’s videos on YouTube, they are very enlightening.
Keep calmed and don’t let your dad’s situation take away your center and your common sense.
Best of luck!
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I am sure you know full well that the Devil is not the cause of all this mean behaviour. It’s a convenient excuse that stops any personal responsibility. It may console you just a little to realise that very few people have managed to stop mean behaviour, even when no-one thinks the Devil is involved. Perhaps you have an extra argument in urging them to resist the Devil so that they can make it through the Pearly Gates.

Where I am, we also have a large number of elderly Italian migrants, often originally from poor families in southern Italy. Before they migrated, not too many people survived into old age. Those that did often owned the family home and had to be flattered and obeyed. That is still the expectation of many of the ‘meanies’. You have a difficult row to hoe, and the only help I can think of is ‘don’t take your guns to town’!
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Has your father been formally diagnosed? That is, has he been evaluated for dementia and been told he has it? He is taking medications to help? If not, you absolutely need to speak with the people taking care of him and have him evaluated by a Geriatric Psychiatrist. He is putting the blame for his rude behavior on a ridiculous superstition.

The AL may feel that they can not provide the level of care he needs. He may need to be in a nursing home in a Memory Care Unit.

Now, you know “The Devil” is not responsible for any of your relatives acting the way they do (did). It is a mental disease and many people have it. It does not distinguish between Italian, Polish, Russian, French, American, etc There is treatment for it.

Get your father to a doctor and have him evaluated and treated for It and ask them to suggest what kind of facility he needs.
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