At his father’s request, my husband and I moved in with his parents to care for his stroke disabled mother, who had suddenly become a 24/7 stand-by assist. We have more than 25 years’ experience in health care, husband in direct patient care physical therapy and me in administration. From day one, his brother and wife made things very difficult for us. They live next door, were reaping untold benefits financially from this arrangement and wanted us gone. Long story short, their "campaign" against us culminated in reporting us to APS as abusers for first my FIL (his health had deteriorated due to unaddressed severe spinal probs) and 2 weeks later my MIL. My husband and I worked tirelessly for more than a year, with no help, to rehab MIL to ambulation and strengthen FIL for surgery. FIL told many people that we "saved his life" and they'd be laying in a bed somewhere if not for us. Husband and I have truly had enough. We intend to hire an elder law attorney (we really did not want to do this) but need a copy of the APS reports to insure we are correct that brother and wife instigated. One of the APS social workers read my MIL report to me, and there was language in there that was "verbatim" of my SIL "story" to pretty much anyone who will listen. This entire situation has caused so much stress to us (and our 87/88 yr old parents) it is unbearable with no end in sight. The "neighbors" will not stop and leave us alone. We have called APS social workers, supervisors, managers and no one calls back at all. I know we are not alone in this situation and many of you are in similar horrid circumstances. Has anyone had success getting APS to provide a copy of the reports (name redacted of course)? How did you get it? Also, your thoughts on getting a restraining order against neighbors, filing police incidents, what else we can do to end this abuse from them. Thanks for listening.
I am afraid this is now a case for the law, or for legal services and wish you good luck.
- we did speak with both APS social workers when they came to our home. We understand they are just doing their job and have worked with APS in Oregon im our previous jobs. Both workers were very surprised to find FIL and MIL healthy and happy. One said his report had the opposite explanation of the situation he observed. The woman actually suggested that someone was using APS to harass us. We haven’t seen/heard anything else.
The neighbors continue to tell family, friends, neighbors that we are keeping them from seeing “mom.” That we want isolate them so we can get all their money. The truth is that they can see mom whenever they want, just at their house. I’m the last 18 mos. They have had her over (next door) maybe 4-5X and 3 of those my husband and FIL arranged. They asked for a schedule to call and have her visit (Sun/Wed). The first Sunday, they were late to get her. They took her next door, and then left her with SIL family member. It was sipppsed to be for lunch/dinner. An hour later, MIL came home (she communicated to them she wanted a nap). What she wanted was food. The didn’t tell the visiting fan that it was for lunch, so no food was offered. Since that schedule, they e had her over 2x (since Dec 2022). We believe they have some type of listening device because if my husband and I get in an argument, his brother will call dad and say that “neighbors called them” to report we were fighting.” It’s lies, they are the only neighbor. Annoying other things like having their visitors park at our house (only when dad is gone) picking our avocados, sending mom cards saying how much they miss her and wish they could come see her. Having their “friends or cousins” call the house for mom and when the phone isn’t answered reporting that we are keeping mom from friends and family. The truth is mom has a phone in her room and chooses who she wants to talk to. Of course, neither mom nor dad will be honest about this.
they have cameras installed that watch the road to our house, to see who comes here, along with cameras pointed at our room. It’s ludicrous but also very stressful to be under surveillance like that.
Have you had a visit yet with APS? Were you welcoming to them , explaining to them what you told us CALMLY?
Did you provide to them all they asked.
Or are you waiting to see the attorney first, and WHEN will you see this attorney as time is of the essence!!!
Keep careful diaries and records now. Short and sweet, but in blue ink and in composition book with no tear outs, only strike outs for mistakes. This diary includes all daily activities (short version) and all actions of the brother and wife with direct quotes.
I would at this point, if you are POA, prevent their visiting without accompanying APS if you are able. You may need to contact police for a stay-away order.
Getting the attorney is an EMERGENCY now.
Get all files in order with your POA papers, and etc.
This can be very bad, and when siblings go to war the parents can go into state guardianship, that being the end of any rights of ANY of you to say ANYTHING.
I hope brother and wife know that. I hope you will update us as I am very concerned for you. I wish you well.
“The "neighbors" will not stop and leave us alone.”
Can you clarify what your brother-in-law and his wife are doing now to harass you? I think if they are doing something illegal (threatening, trespassing, etc.) of course you should call the police.