If you were forced to choose. What would you do?

After divorcing my first husband..it took 20 years to find another man I would marry. Good marrriages and spouses are not easily replaced. He would not make me choose.but if caretaking was putting too much strain on the my marriage, then i would try to find a solution that puts my mate first. ..and by the way God created marriage and family. A loving committed marriage is a true blessing, not a sad thing.

As my Mother said, '...she takes good care of you, and she's had you longer then I.' So my answer would be 'forsake' the parent. Reality, it's just that......been married for thirty-five years, left 'the nest' at eighteen.

I think the problem here is WHO your mate is. I wouldn't want a mate who is not
compassionate enough to want to care for my mother. And I would certainly want to care for his mother. But I guess it's who you are married to that makes the choice different.

There should not have to be a choice. What is it with this society that shrinks the family into parents and children? The same society that cheers youth and ignores the value of maturity.

my mother and aunt were there for me when my wife was cheating , trying to make it my fault , turning my sons against me and eventually moving some bum into the house that id built. ive heard the ex make the claim in the past that shed never wipe her mothers a** . pretty shifty individual . my loyalty is with the two greatest influences of my life -- mom and her sister..

I am in this situation - I have been for the past , almost 10 years, and finally, just last month, have put my mother in a nursing facility - the hardest thing to have to do - but the best thing for all concerned. My family is doing so much better. It is very hard to get past the obligation we feel towards our parents as they get older. They took care of us. They changed our diapers, wiped our knees, our tears.

Sometimes though, it is too much. There comes a times when we have to put, not just our spouses and our families, but OURSELVES first. Remember that most our parents were very ready at one time for us to graduate high school and get married and move out...well, part of the reason for that excitement was that they could have time for themselves again. Now, as they get older, we feel obligated to care for them, as they did us. This usually comes at about the time that our children are getting ready to graduate, move out, go to college, get married...time for us to have time for ourselves again. We do it - and feel guilty for thinking that we wish we didn't have to.

When our grandparents were in this position, or some of us, even our parents, the options we have now just weren't there. Living, growing older and dying at home was just what was done. Now, there are so many ways to get the help needed for our most knowledgeable and experienced family members to grow older gracefully, and their children and caregivers to be at peace with it as well.

From senior communities, assisted living, Skilled Nursing Facilities, Alzheimer Care and Hospice/End of Life Care - it is more than it used be - the choice of staying at home and risking your health, staying with family that can cause of great stress and resentment for everyone or the images of the nursing home that come to your mind of being left somewhere to die, with no one visiting, bed sores and dirty sheets.

It's not that you don't HAVE to do it - you don't have to do it ALONE. There are people to help - both in your home and outside of it.

HUSBAND always...he's been there for me way more than family have.