I need to find memory care for my mom. Do I need to get a loan?


Hello, I've been taking care of my mother (53, FTLD) for the last three years. I'm 26. Since the beginning of the year she's progressively gotten worse. The other night she came and asked me what year I was born, I also can't keep the burners on the stove, and have to lock the oven because she nearly burned the house down one night when she was supposed to be in bed and I was asleep. We've always had a strained relationship, and I've burned out a lot this year. I need to get her into a place, but I have no idea where to look or how to start. She has Medicaid/Atena, and she recieves SSDI every month, but it's barely a grand. I have around 13k saved up, but most of the places I've been finding are 3-5k a month, so 13k won't go far. She only has her car as an asset, and it's not worth more than a grand. Neither she or I have a house. Do I need to get a loan? I don't get how people do private pay. Any guidance would be great. We live in Colorado, any location here would be fine. I don't mind a drive.

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Do NOT use your own savings or take out a loan in your name. You need to take care of yourself for another 60 - 70 years! It is awesome you are saving some money. You need to hang on to that for your own needs, and certainly should not be saddled with repaying huge loans.

If your mother has a Medicaid case worker, call and make an appointment for an updated needs analysis. Make it clear that you can no longer keep your mother safe by yourself. If there is no case worker assigned, do as ff suggests and call the county or state Medicaid office and explain that you can no longer care for your mother.

Any kind of dementia at any age is tragic. It seems especially cruel when it happens to someone as young as your mother. You have done heroic things in caring for your mother this long. Now, as you recognize, it is time to turn her care over to three shifts of rested professionals.

ASxOren, please start with these suggestions. Let us know the progress you are making. Other posters here may have additional suggestions if you get stuck. Stay in touch!
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ASxOren, if your Mom is already on Medicaid, and depending on how advance her memory issues, she could qualify to move into a nursing home with Medicaid paying the whole cost. You would not be responsible to pay for her care.

Check with your State Medicaid office, they probably will assign a Social Worker who will walk you through the steps.
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