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I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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My wife (82) is paralyzed on her right side, arm, and leg, so she will be pretty much bed bound. This is an all-new adventure for us. I’m 82 also and not as strong as I think I am.
What should I get to be ready for her return form rehab? Help!
Other than hiring some in-home help to assist you, perhaps having a hospital bed with a bedside commode next to it would be helpful. And if your wife is already incontinent, then make sure you have plenty of adult diapers on hand(but call them her underwear not diapers)and perhaps get some training on the best way to change them on her while laying down, as that can be a bit tricky. But bottom line, if you don't think that you can care for her properly in the home, then you may have to have the rehab social worker help you find proper placement for your wife where she will receive the 24/7 care she now requires and you can just be her loving husband and advocate and not her overwhelmed and burned out caregiver. I wish you well in whatever route you choose to go.
To answer your question specifically, here is what was added/changed/done for our parents (92, both w dementia) inside their home over the past two years.
All this is on top of having 24 hour caregivers, plus hospice, which began two weeks ago for both.
Moved out delicate furniture that was a trip hazard Moved out hard edged dresser in their bedroom Moved out hard edged bedside tables in their bedroom Replaced kitchen table/dining chairs with sturdy ones with arms Added sturdy chairs with arms throughout house in case parents need to rest Removed breakables on tables Removed throw rugs Raised height of couch Switched "low" chairs with higher height chairs Secured wires and extension cords everywhere Hired a caregiver twice a week, four hour shift, for hygiene ...then hired her M-F for six hours ...then hired another caregiver for an evening shift ....then hired a third caregiver for an overnight shift Got canes for both parents ...then transitioned to walkers for both parents ...then transitioned to wheelchairs for both parents Padding for wheelchairs Attachable pouch on back of wheelchairs Alarm on wheelchair Bedside commode bc their bathroom has a separate toilet "room" which is small Wedge bed cushions Another set of sheets for accidents Lots of washing detergent Motion detection pad to place on mattress Motion detector at floor of bedside Cameras in all rooms Bed rails Hospital bed that raises so caregivers can change parents w/o straining backs Depends (lots and lots of them) Baby wipes (lots and lots of them) Waterproof bed pads (chucks) Bedside tray table on wheels Multiple pill dispensers Cleared out a kitchen cabinet to become the "pill cabinet" Notebook to document when pills were given Notebook to document when meals were given (and eaten) Removed their tub and put a sturdy chair with arms in its place Removed door to the walk-in shower so caregiver could get in to wash parents Changed shower head to include shower wand Added grab bars to shower walls Shower seat Raised toilet seats Bath wipes Latex gloves (lots and lots of them) Replaced towel bars with grab bars in all bathrooms Completely changed their wardrobe to sweatpants and leisure wear Completely changed their footwear Compression socks with zippers Removed bedroom carpet (after being soiled so often) with vinyl Slowly began removing furniture bc walkers and wheelchairs take up space Got two recliners that stand up, when they wouldn't nap in their bed Switched dinner plates and bowls to lighter ones when their grip became weak Switched glassware to plastic drinking cups with straws Got a landline when smart phone use became difficult Added a TV with swing arm to their bedroom Put up lots and lots of bird feeders outside
I know there are other things to add to this list, just can't think of them right now. And I am now reassessing my own home, as I age, to prepare for the future.
Whatever you decide, I wish you peace and contentment.
Great list! Also it's important to check the house for the width of doors. Can a wheelchair get through them? I had to remove from the hinges (by myself) two solid wood doors and put them in the garage. The door frames were only 28" wide, and with the door on, the wheelchair couldn't get into the bathroom or entryway.
If the doors cannot be removed, the wheelchair needs to be modified. I did it with a folding wheelchair on which I could scrunch the seat up from each side. I used lashing skills I'd learned in Girl Scouts to lash the sides toward each other, using rope I found in the garage. Caregiving often tests our resourcefulness!
Your note to us lets me know you already understand that this is at best unwise, and at worst undoable.
Speak with discharge planning about what will be needed. I think that an 82 year old (I am that age exactly, and a retired RN) attempting to take care of someone in your wife's condition in a home care setting is very unwise. Have discharge planners discussed a "plan of care" with you? Will your wife have assistance of aids coming in daily? Is this a Hospice situation? I do not believe an attempt by an 82 year old to do 24/7 care for someone so debilitated is sustainable. Your wife needs 24/7 care of several shifts of people with several people on each shift, all trained in the care of someone completely debilitated.
Discuss with discharge planning. If you persist in a belief that this is "doable" please stay here and read, and be ready, once wife is home, to understand that this cannot work, and to seek placement for your dear wife.
As to your question--what do you need? Let's start with number ONE (which will be provided free of charge if this is a Hospice situation)--that's a hospital bed that can be raised and lowered and that has pressure mattress to ensure that skin doesn't break down quickly. That can happen, and can result in sepsis and death.
There are many videos on youtube to start watching now. Changing position of helpless bedridden would be one. I think that just watching these videos may bring you back to a better grounding in reality.
I wish you the very best. You are going to need help. Begin interviewing agencies.
AlvaDeer is on target here. It may sound cruel, but this is something much more than you can handle. My mother, bedridden in memory care had 2 aides to successfully move and change her. They're pretty fragile and could be hurt without you knowing it. Her bed sores advice is correct too!
Can you actually manage her care safely yourself or do you need help? Hiring caregivers is important. You WILL need help and you will need a break now and then. There is equipment that can help. A Hoyer Lift is a great piece of equipment and once you get the hang of it (no pun intended) it makes moving someone very easy. If there is not a bedroom on the first floor is there a room that can be made into a bedroom for her? You will need a Hospital bed. It makes getting someone in and out of bed easier, makes changing their position easier. Is there a bathroom that is large enough to be able to get her, you and or another caregiver and any equipment being used and be able to function in the bathroom? Is there a roll in or walk in shower? Do you have stairs in the house or getting into the house? Is a ramp possible for any outside steps? (The ramp that I had done in my garage is not to "code" if it were it would have had to wrap around 75% of my garage in order to be compliant with the incline that is necessary but I figured I could push the wheelchair up the incline. Not sure I could do it now that I am 10+ years older.)
I have to ask you honestly is this feasible or is the better option selling your house and you both move into Assisted Living so you both can get the help that you may need?
My Father was discharged from The Hospital after a 3 night stay in Intensive care Unit . He had fallen On a Hot day in a Thunderstorm and smacked His skull . He was very Manic . The Physical therapist called me from the Hospital and said " I dont think he will make it in a Rehab . " She called me a few times . Then the other Nurse called and said " Can you come in and sit with him ? " He was very Manic and OCD . They wanted to Place him in a rehab But I said " No he needs to come home . Can we do in Home PT ? I will take care of him . " I got senior home Care company who sent In a CNA Twice a week for Bathing . Then I Got a visit from VNA But he was on no medications . I Got Physical therapy 4 times a week for 6 Months . I Ordered Meals on wheels . The Girl at the senior home care would come and Visit and check in with us . I was in a support group called the Savvy caregivers where we took a 6 week course then we had a Life coach , a social worker to talk to and Our support group Leader . I worked very hard to get him better and we had a excellent doctor . Yes I had to Pick him up several times But Being prepared and Having a Plan will make all the difference in the World . I kept him on a strict schedule too . He did well in Our schedule and The social worker from the VNA said " You have kept him alive at least 3 years Longer and you have done everything to help Him . " Support is very Important when caregiving - No One can do it alone .
I'm 88 Y/O and 103 lbs. My husband is 95 Y/O and 180 lbs. Fortunately, we're both still more or less mobile and able to do our ADLs. Unfortunately, he has some short-term memory and executive functioning issues, and I have increasing physical limitations due to 3 long-ago back surgeries and just plain old-old age. We both sincerely hope to make our Final Exits before we need custodial care.
If that doesn't happen, it is unlikely that either of us would be able to care for the other in our home without assistance. Like many elders, we cannot afford hired caregivers indefinitely however, and we are determined not to involve our family in hands-on care. Our options would be limited. We could be placed as private pay initially but probably would need Medicaid (if it even still exists!) in the end. "Golden Years"? Maybe not so much!
BTW, Daughter of AD's list of purchases and home modifications would be enough to discourage me even if I were 10-15 years younger!
Ask your doctor for a social worker . If you can Not do the job she May Have to be Placed in a skilled Nursing Facility . They told me at the Rehab / Nursing home " My Mom was Independent ? " I drove from Cape Cod stayed a week and she was in a wheelchair - I had to Life her out of the wheelchair into the Car , Back into the wheel chair , to her Bed , Place her On the bed change the diapers . I think those 2 weeks were the worst time of My Life . No One would help - No other Family Members . I was at My wits end . I spoke with a Guy who was doing Physical therapy . Finally the VNA Nurse shows up 2 weeks Later and I said " I think we have to call 911 , she Is having trouble swallowing . " The Nurse agreed and we called 911 . My Mom was in rough shape . I Looked at her discharge Papers from the rehab - someone wrote " She Lives with her daughter " I dont Know who came up with that One . I had Offered her to come Live with me in Boston and she refused . So The Nurse said to me at the hospital " You cant do this Job - she needs 24/ 7 Hour care and has to go to a NH , here are the names of the attorneys That can Help you get her Medicaid . " I had to go to the senior center and asked for The best nursing homes on Cape cod . Just Be prepared If you Know you cant do the job - Dont . Or go to Care.com and find Help or Place a ad on Next Door .com . ( it is free ) Definitely do ask for a VNA Nurse and a CNA from her Doctor and a Physical therapist . Even the VNA has social workers to talk to . You Might want to try calling VNA and also speak with her case manager at her rehab and say " I dont think I can do this job . "
There is no doubt the one persons 82 can be VERY different from another persons 82. It all depends on your capabilities and desire to do this yourself or not. Staying at home and together is probably the best. Whether you do it or get in home help. best of luck to you both! ❤️❤️
A hospital bed can make it easier to help her. If she is incontinent, expect to need pads for her bed and diapers. She will need to be changed about every 3-4 hours. If the facility is using foam wedges for positioning, make sure they come home. Ask the staff to show you how to move her and care for her ... and help with all aspects of her care now.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
And if your wife is already incontinent, then make sure you have plenty of adult diapers on hand(but call them her underwear not diapers)and perhaps get some training on the best way to change them on her while laying down, as that can be a bit tricky.
But bottom line, if you don't think that you can care for her properly in the home, then you may have to have the rehab social worker help you find proper placement for your wife where she will receive the 24/7 care she now requires and you can just be her loving husband and advocate and not her overwhelmed and burned out caregiver.
I wish you well in whatever route you choose to go.
All this is on top of having 24 hour caregivers, plus hospice, which began two weeks ago for both.
Moved out delicate furniture that was a trip hazard
Moved out hard edged dresser in their bedroom
Moved out hard edged bedside tables in their bedroom
Replaced kitchen table/dining chairs with sturdy ones with arms
Added sturdy chairs with arms throughout house in case parents need to rest
Removed breakables on tables
Removed throw rugs
Raised height of couch
Switched "low" chairs with higher height chairs
Secured wires and extension cords everywhere
Hired a caregiver twice a week, four hour shift, for hygiene
...then hired her M-F for six hours
...then hired another caregiver for an evening shift
....then hired a third caregiver for an overnight shift
Got canes for both parents
...then transitioned to walkers for both parents
...then transitioned to wheelchairs for both parents
Padding for wheelchairs
Attachable pouch on back of wheelchairs
Alarm on wheelchair
Bedside commode bc their bathroom has a separate toilet "room" which is small
Wedge bed cushions
Another set of sheets for accidents
Lots of washing detergent
Motion detection pad to place on mattress
Motion detector at floor of bedside
Cameras in all rooms
Bed rails
Hospital bed that raises so caregivers can change parents w/o straining backs
Depends (lots and lots of them)
Baby wipes (lots and lots of them)
Waterproof bed pads (chucks)
Bedside tray table on wheels
Multiple pill dispensers
Cleared out a kitchen cabinet to become the "pill cabinet"
Notebook to document when pills were given
Notebook to document when meals were given (and eaten)
Removed their tub and put a sturdy chair with arms in its place
Removed door to the walk-in shower so caregiver could get in to wash parents
Changed shower head to include shower wand
Added grab bars to shower walls
Shower seat
Raised toilet seats
Bath wipes
Latex gloves (lots and lots of them)
Replaced towel bars with grab bars in all bathrooms
Completely changed their wardrobe to sweatpants and leisure wear
Completely changed their footwear
Compression socks with zippers
Removed bedroom carpet (after being soiled so often) with vinyl
Slowly began removing furniture bc walkers and wheelchairs take up space
Got two recliners that stand up, when they wouldn't nap in their bed
Switched dinner plates and bowls to lighter ones when their grip became weak
Switched glassware to plastic drinking cups with straws
Got a landline when smart phone use became difficult
Added a TV with swing arm to their bedroom
Put up lots and lots of bird feeders outside
I know there are other things to add to this list, just can't think of them right now. And I am now reassessing my own home, as I age, to prepare for the future.
Whatever you decide, I wish you peace and contentment.
If the doors cannot be removed, the wheelchair needs to be modified. I did it with a folding wheelchair on which I could scrunch the seat up from each side. I used lashing skills I'd learned in Girl Scouts to lash the sides toward each other, using rope I found in the garage. Caregiving often tests our resourcefulness!
Speak with discharge planning about what will be needed.
I think that an 82 year old (I am that age exactly, and a retired RN) attempting to take care of someone in your wife's condition in a home care setting is very unwise. Have discharge planners discussed a "plan of care" with you?
Will your wife have assistance of aids coming in daily?
Is this a Hospice situation?
I do not believe an attempt by an 82 year old to do 24/7 care for someone so debilitated is sustainable.
Your wife needs 24/7 care of several shifts of people with several people on each shift, all trained in the care of someone completely debilitated.
Discuss with discharge planning.
If you persist in a belief that this is "doable" please stay here and read, and be ready, once wife is home, to understand that this cannot work, and to seek placement for your dear wife.
As to your question--what do you need?
Let's start with number ONE (which will be provided free of charge if this is a Hospice situation)--that's a hospital bed that can be raised and lowered and that has pressure mattress to ensure that skin doesn't break down quickly. That can happen, and can result in sepsis and death.
There are many videos on youtube to start watching now. Changing position of helpless bedridden would be one. I think that just watching these videos may bring you back to a better grounding in reality.
I wish you the very best. You are going to need help. Begin interviewing agencies.
Hiring caregivers is important. You WILL need help and you will need a break now and then.
There is equipment that can help. A Hoyer Lift is a great piece of equipment and once you get the hang of it (no pun intended) it makes moving someone very easy.
If there is not a bedroom on the first floor is there a room that can be made into a bedroom for her?
You will need a Hospital bed. It makes getting someone in and out of bed easier, makes changing their position easier.
Is there a bathroom that is large enough to be able to get her, you and or another caregiver and any equipment being used and be able to function in the bathroom?
Is there a roll in or walk in shower?
Do you have stairs in the house or getting into the house? Is a ramp possible for any outside steps? (The ramp that I had done in my garage is not to "code" if it were it would have had to wrap around 75% of my garage in order to be compliant with the incline that is necessary but I figured I could push the wheelchair up the incline. Not sure I could do it now that I am 10+ years older.)
I have to ask you honestly is this feasible or is the better option selling your house and you both move into Assisted Living so you both can get the help that you may need?
She can be placed in a facility and cared for 24/7.
If you take her back home you will no longer be her husband, you will be her caregiver and will burn out quickly.
I am 77 and would never consider doing this, I know my limitations and caring for a bed ridden person is way beyond them.
Consider doing what is best for the both of you.
Sending support your way.
If that doesn't happen, it is unlikely that either of us would be able to care for the other in our home without assistance. Like many elders, we cannot afford hired caregivers indefinitely however, and we are determined not to involve our family in hands-on care. Our options would be limited. We could be placed as private pay initially but probably would need Medicaid (if it even still exists!) in the end. "Golden Years"? Maybe not so much!
BTW, Daughter of AD's list of purchases and home modifications would be enough to discourage me even if I were 10-15 years younger!
best of luck to you both! ❤️❤️
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