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Who are you caring for?
Which best describes their mobility?
How well are they maintaining their hygiene?
How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
Which best describes your loved one's social life?
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By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
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Lives alone, refuses idea of leaving home, although needs trained care. Home care helpers difficult to retain. Hygiene an issue, food an issue. Becoming increasingly difficult to handle.
For my mom… I was able to move pretty much her whole living room into her assisted living room intact. Intact enough that she was able to sit on the couch and look at pretty much the same view of furniture and decoration that she looked at in the house. While I bought new towels and such, I ended up using all the old ones, holes and all, that she felt comfortable with in her bath. In general, I tried to arrange things so that it was as familiar as I could get it to be. It wasn’t perfect, but the living room made all the difference. My mom was a really wonderful decorator, and all of that stuff really mattered to her. The living room was just beautiful, with arrangements of her special things on the top of the furniture, and a couple of cabinets full of her favorite collections of glass pieces and candlesticks and such. Exactly as it had looked at home.
Beyond that, it could be helpful for you to go over and have meals with her for a little while. That was the hardest thing for my mom; going to a dining room where she didn’t know anyone. So she just asked for meals to be brought to the room. And they did, unfortunately.
We waited too long to get her into a facility, and she died just a few months after I moved her there. But I do know the things are wrote above helped.
One word of caution… Many assisted living and nursing home facilities have physical therapists that rent space in the facility and offer physical therapy to the residents. They were like vultures when we moved mom in. They pushed hard to start right away with both occupational therapy and physical therapy, the occupational therapy targeting her worsening dementia. I wish, I wish I had just told them to back off. They were really disruptive. My mom just needed to get settled in. And I don’t think they were good therapists either. I think they possibly made my mom‘s knee worse than it was. But all the promises, especially with dementia, that the targeted occupational therapy could be so helpful! I suggest telling them to go away, at least for a while.
Tell her you are going to lunch at a new rec center. Once there, lead her in and to her new apartment. The staff will help you. It's easier than you think.
Also suggest getting to know staff and visiting regularly to assess care given. (If not watched, any care facility will reduce care even if unintentionally.) If visiting directly upsets person, observe from a distance. Sometimes they make new friends in care...even with dementia. They always complain so remove your "guilt" button, focus on their "quality of life' and YOUR quality of life. My dad will say - I'm going to run out of money. We say - and Jenna has a box ready to go under the bridge near the casino. You'll be fine. Yes, it's all a joke and he gets it. My point is simply do what works for YOU and LO. What blesses one, blesses all. Be prepared to adjust all sorts of things - small things can make LO comfortable or disgruntled (silly process we have to go through and is rarely easy or simple).
Who are you and what is your relationship to this person?
Likely, this person needs to be in a facility, yesterday. Medication management needs to be addressed.
If you or an/other/s do not have legal authority to make these decisions, it is up to the person (with dementia????) to manage / make their own decisions.
Talk to the person with legal authority.
You do not 'listen to' or take advice from a person with Alz / dementia. It sounds like you are interacting / communicating / listening to this person as IF they DO NOT have dementia. Why? As long as this is the relationship, they will continue to be 'difficult to handle.'
You need to contact Adult Protective Services. If you cannot make these needed decisions, APS will.
i'd tell her we are moving her home into another home but she'll have al her stuff and you visiting the same but the doctor has said she must have someone around all the time because its a danger otherwise. Tell her you will help her organise her stuff otherwise the doctor will just send the ambulance to collect her. Then organise it whichever option. I'd have the options ready tho so no prolonged drama. Good luck.
You always talk to a person with dementia in whatever ways will keep them calm. Their brain chemistry has changed. Their brain cells have / contnue to die. You do not talk to a person with dementia as if they do not have it. They do. They do not know what is in their best interest due to a fragmented mind/brain chemistry.
Tell them they are going out for a nice lunch or to a beautiful garden or park. Anything to get them to cooperative in the move.
I agree with others that memory care is the best option. They're going to help with incontinence problems, make sure they're fed and clean,getting their prescriptions and in a secured area for their protection. Assisted living assumes that they can care for themselves with a staff checking in now and then and they have the freedom to leave the building. I went with AL and a few months later to MC. Half of the things I brought had to be moved out of AL,but the facility did a good job with the transition. All I can say is that you make the new place as comfortable as you can with her favorite things and listen to the facility about visiting and adapting to the new environment. Be honest, tell her she is no longer safe where she's at and you're doing this because you care,you don't want her to fall or burn the place down or forget her medicine. It's going to be difficult for everyone but you can't allow her to be alone.
I am in this process and this is the order of operations as I understand it.
If you are healthcare proxy or POA you get a doctors assessment done. I got this done by fibbing and saying it's a brand new rule and she was supposed to have it every year starting at 80, the doctor told me I had to.
Next is find the place you want your person to live. They will send their own staff member to assess your person. Which you can also fib and say it's a new free service the county/state/whatever is offering a home visit to check on the elderly and isn't that nice.
When you're ready to move them in you tell them you're going out to lunch and take them for lunch at the facility and then with the staff's assistance you sneak out and leave them behind while you go home and pack your persons belongings. Or you tell your person the city has to shut off the water to their house for a week and everyone has to move out for a week and you found this nice place that they can stay at until the water is back on.
Other notes include your state may have a form the doctor has to fill out and your person probably needs a TB test before they move in. Hope this is helpful to someone.
I am trying to figure the best way to do this as well. I have brought up the subject several times and my Dad (90)cries & said he's losing his family. Then says "when are you kicking me out", " how long have I got" & "I have no place to go", "where will I go". Giving me the guilt trip. He has been with us 3 years, I am 76 & my husband is 81 and not in good health. Dad has some dementia/ alzheimers & sundowners which means he's up all night walking around banging his walker and turning the lights on, so we don't get a lot of sleep some nights either. I am physically, mentally, and emotionally exhausted. Good luck to YOU. I wish you the best.
You always talk to a person with dementia in whatever ways will keep them calm. Their brain chemistry has changed. Their brain cells have / contnue to die. You do not talk to a person with dementia as if they do not have it. They do. They do not know what is in their best interest due to a fragmented mind/brain chemistry.
Tell them they are going out for a nice lunch or to a beautiful garden or park. Anything to get them to cooperative in the move.
Yes, someone needs POA. Then you just do it. You put this post under Alzhemiers so this person no longer can make decisions. Its now what they need (and you ) not what they want.
With my Mom, the furniture she needed went out the back door. My brother and husband got everything set up at the AL. We put Mom in the car and took her. The director took us to her room. She was told this was her new apartment and she was going to meet new people. We only stayed a little while and then left letting the staff take over. I visited the next day but only stayed a short time. I never stayed more than an hour. Mom needed to get used to the staff.
My Dad married my Mom when I was 14. He adopted me & my 3 brothers. My Mom was 5 years older than him. She was a cougar before her time.We Had a lot of fun with it. My Mom & Granda were also pregnant at the same time. So I have an aunt who is younger than me. I used to babysit her. Had a lot of fun with that one, too!
Are you this relative's PoA? If not, you may not have the power to move her. Who is paying for the in-home aids? Does this relative have someone who is legally managing her financial affairs and paying the aids and bills? If no one is her FPoA or legal guardian then who will be financially responsible to pay for the facility? Who's going to sign the contract? Hint: not you. If she doesn't have a PoA then you will need to go through social services/APS to get her a court-assigned 3rd party legal guardian. When this happens all authority for decision-making and financial control will become that of the guardian. Your relative will get appropriate care and have everything managed going forward.
Looks like she needs memory care rather than assisted living. Choose a facility that has both levels of care, and they will assess where she belongs after the recommendation from her doctor.
Doesn't have a doctor? Then you call Adult Protective Services and get social workers involved.
The facility you choose should have some ideas and may be able to help. Remember, they have been through this a thousand times. This is your first.
A geriatric care manager or social worker experienced in dementia might have ideas and maybe help.
Or, try calling Adult Protective Services and they can assess whether she is a danger to herself living alone.
it sounds to me that assisted living is not enough for your mom. She may need Memory Care? A geriatric care manager or social worker or the agency from the home health aide company should be able to assess her in her home.
Can you think of an excuse (white lie) to get her out of the house into the car? The house is infested with termites and needs to be sprayed?
You are taking her out to lunch?
Doctor’s visit required to keep her insurance?
Is there someone else to help you so she doesn’t bolt out of the car or struggle?
Failing everything else, if she falls or there is any kind of accident, call 911. Have them take her to the ER (not you!) then say she is an unsafe discharge and can’t be released to her home and there is no one who can care for her. Then it is the hospital social workers problem.
Yes! We had a blessing in a disguise when my Mom fell. Called EMS instead of getting her up ourselves so they can be the bad guy. She stayed two nights in hospital while we found her a memory care that had availability. We told her she had to stay there to get stronger. This way I am not the bad guy. It's the "Dr's" who want her to stay there. I've hear the "therapeutic fibbing" technique of telling them something needs repairing in their current home works wonders too. Whatever it takes. I think it bothers us more than them... especially in moderate alzheimer's disease.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Beyond that, it could be helpful for you to go over and have meals with her for a little while. That was the hardest thing for my mom; going to a dining room where she didn’t know anyone. So she just asked for meals to be brought to the room. And they did, unfortunately.
We waited too long to get her into a facility, and she died just a few months after I moved her there. But I do know the things are wrote above helped.
One word of caution… Many assisted living and nursing home facilities have physical therapists that rent space in the facility and offer physical therapy to the residents. They were like vultures when we moved mom in. They pushed hard to start right away with both occupational therapy and physical therapy, the occupational therapy targeting her worsening dementia. I wish, I wish I had just told them to back off. They were really disruptive. My mom just needed to get settled in. And I don’t think they were good therapists either. I think they possibly made my mom‘s knee worse than it was. But all the promises, especially with dementia, that the targeted occupational therapy could be so helpful! I suggest telling them to go away, at least for a while.
My dad will say - I'm going to run out of money. We say - and Jenna has a box ready to go under the bridge near the casino. You'll be fine. Yes, it's all a joke and he gets it. My point is simply do what works for YOU and LO. What blesses one, blesses all. Be prepared to adjust all sorts of things - small things can make LO comfortable or disgruntled (silly process we have to go through and is rarely easy or simple).
Likely, this person needs to be in a facility, yesterday.
Medication management needs to be addressed.
If you or an/other/s do not have legal authority to make these decisions, it is up to the person (with dementia????) to manage / make their own decisions.
Talk to the person with legal authority.
You do not 'listen to' or take advice from a person with Alz / dementia. It sounds like you are interacting / communicating / listening to this person as IF they DO NOT have dementia. Why? As long as this is the relationship, they will continue to be 'difficult to handle.'
You need to contact Adult Protective Services.
If you cannot make these needed decisions, APS will.
Gena / Touch Matters
Tell them they are going out for a nice lunch or to a beautiful garden or park. Anything to get them to cooperative in the move.
Gena / Touch Matters
I went with AL and a few months later to MC. Half of the things I brought had to be moved out of AL,but the facility did a good job with the transition. All I can say is that you make the new place as comfortable as you can with her favorite things and listen to the facility about visiting and adapting to the new environment. Be honest, tell her she is no longer safe where she's at and you're doing this because you care,you don't want her to fall or burn the place down or forget her medicine. It's going to be difficult for everyone but you can't allow her to be alone.
If you are healthcare proxy or POA you get a doctors assessment done. I got this done by fibbing and saying it's a brand new rule and she was supposed to have it every year starting at 80, the doctor told me I had to.
Next is find the place you want your person to live. They will send their own staff member to assess your person. Which you can also fib and say it's a new free service the county/state/whatever is offering a home visit to check on the elderly and isn't that nice.
When you're ready to move them in you tell them you're going out to lunch and take them for lunch at the facility and then with the staff's assistance you sneak out and leave them behind while you go home and pack your persons belongings. Or you tell your person the city has to shut off the water to their house for a week and everyone has to move out for a week and you found this nice place that they can stay at until the water is back on.
Other notes include your state may have a form the doctor has to fill out and your person probably needs a TB test before they move in. Hope this is helpful to someone.
You always talk to a person with dementia in whatever ways will keep them calm. Their brain chemistry has changed. Their brain cells have / contnue to die. You do not talk to a person with dementia as if they do not have it. They do. They do not know what is in their best interest due to a fragmented mind/brain chemistry.
Tell them they are going out for a nice lunch or to a beautiful garden or park. Anything to get them to cooperative in the move.
With my Mom, the furniture she needed went out the back door. My brother and husband got everything set up at the AL. We put Mom in the car and took her. The director took us to her room. She was told this was her new apartment and she was going to meet new people. We only stayed a little while and then left letting the staff take over. I visited the next day but only stayed a short time. I never stayed more than an hour. Mom needed to get used to the staff.
Had a lot of fun with that one, too!
Doesn't have a doctor? Then you call Adult Protective Services and get social workers involved.
A geriatric care manager or social worker experienced in dementia might have ideas and maybe help.
Or, try calling Adult Protective Services and they can assess whether she is a danger to herself living alone.
it sounds to me that assisted living is not enough for your mom. She may need Memory Care? A geriatric care manager or social worker or the agency from the home health aide company should be able to assess her in her home.
Can you think of an excuse (white lie) to get her out of the house into the car? The house is infested with termites and needs to be sprayed?
You are taking her out to lunch?
Doctor’s visit required to keep her insurance?
Is there someone else to help you so she doesn’t bolt out of the car or struggle?
Failing everything else, if she falls or there is any kind of accident, call 911. Have them take her to the ER (not you!) then say she is an unsafe discharge and can’t be released to her home and there is no one who can care for her. Then it is the hospital social workers problem.
good luck!