Is $2,000 a month a reasonable amount to charge my mother for a family member to provide 24/7 care for her? Mother is in assisted living at a cost of $5,000 per month.

Follow
Share

Mother is paying the family a reasonable rate for 24 x 7 care while she is in Assisted Living at a Senior Facility. We take turns staying with her including through the night. She is going to be 100 years old this year and she wants family there 24 x 7 as she is afraid without loved ones close to her at all times. She is in danger of falling. She had a bad experience at another facility, she went from being Independent, walking 200 to 300 yards a day with her cane not using her walker or having a wheel chair, showering herself to being forced into a "Care" program against her wishes, the Dr.'s objection and my objections as her attending daughter and POA of Health care. She was injured by the facility over and over during this takeover of medical decisions. She suffered from lack of medical care in the health center after they injured he, where it was the facilities duty to provide a Dr. and they did not - leading to pnemonia from a mere cough. Further, she was forced into Personal Care , she might loose her eyesight due to the facilities sloppy and negligent skipping and mixing up her Glaucoma eyedrops, it goes on and on as well as her being injured from the facility cutting my hours back from 24 x 7 to fewer hours and finally to 4 hours a day, 5 days a week . Staff left her alone, in front of the TV after meals without taking her to the bathroom or putting her in bed when she could not balance even sitting up. She had several bad falls in her apartment even after I put up signs after her first fall not to leave her alone in her wheel chair. She was sexually harassed by a maintenance man giving her fears and nightmares, it goes on and on. It got so bad that my brother did not object at the time my son and I moved her to a better facility after my brother realized that the cost of Nurse Aides at $25.00 per hour would run over $200,000 per year per her needs on top of the fee for room and board without my being there with Mother 24 x 7 out of love and some financial assistance. Mother is now making gains in her mental state from where she was. She is walking with a walker now approximately 50 yards a day but she is still in danger of falling and that might not change for the better. I have caught her several times in a fall over the past 3 months since her move to the new facility. Myself and family remains glued to her. We have a home 5 minutes away. Do you think that we could have an attorney draft a Caregiver Agreement. We want to pay taxes on the money and have a contract instead of just being given a gift so that if she runs out of money we will not be subject to a 5 year look-back. Mother could live past 105 or 106, she is a blessing to the family and much loved. The attorney I saw in 2016 wanted $5,000 and had a standard contract for limited hours a week for family care that was not what Mother or the family wanted. Even the best of the facilities have residents falling unless there is 24 x 7 caregiving. Mother had an in-house insurance policy that was supposed to pay fr 24 x 7 private duty Nurses Aid care which the old facility refused to honor. 24 x 7 private duty Nurses Aids was what the facility agreed to when the took over the originators interest in a bankruptcy. Mother paid an additional $1,000 per month for 15 years for 24 x 7 private duty nurses aids when she needed it. We are looking in the refusal of their provide that duty of care but now the most immediate need is to get a Caregiver Contract. Mother always wanted 24 x 7 care when she reached this stage in life. We are seeing another attorney next week regarding a Caregiver Contract. I have looked up agreements online but they are too generic. We would appreciate your experience and comments here.

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Find Care & Housing
11

Answers

Show:
Mom weights 110. I can lift over 50 lbs but once when she was leaving the bathroom she got weak and I had her it on my bent knees, I was her chair and we made it to her wheel chair. In Colorado I was a volunteer for disabled skiers. Being with her 24 x 7 is not fail safe but by skiing with disabled skiers, usually children, being responsible for them, gave me an inner instinct that is a gift from God. If someone would ask what to do in some of these instances, I would have difficulty describing what to do. Besides that, padding is a good idea. We are setting up a bed alarm and at nighttime with family here 24 x 7 we can also try padding. Will look in to it. Thank you.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

I understand about wanting to be with you mom even though she is in 24 7 care. My dad was in rehab and then in a nursing home after breaking his hip. The rehab was great but the nursing/memory care home wasn't. He lost 20 lbs in less than a month, stopped communicating, etc. We tried to spend as much time as possible with him. I don't believe they took very good care of him and he passed away. Some things are going to be impossible to prevent even if you are there. Are there some physical things you can give you mom to feel safer there? It may be helpful for her to get to know her neighbors so they can look out for one another. They actually have some type of padding for elderly to wear. Not sure if it helps or not but you may feel more comfortable with her wearing it.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

$25 an hour for a caregiver? Maybe for a nurse. Maybe $15 an hour for your mom. I have worked in facilities and can tell you being at home with caregivers is so much better. Also there are bed alarms, baby monitors, and bed rails that can be incorporated to add additional safety for your mom for falls. Caregivers at home is so worth it.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

Freqflyer and AgingCare, Thank you. This is the best most adaptable contract I have seen and the Elder Law Attorney we saw months ago incorrectly advised that we had to use a contact that had very little relevance and was totally restrictive as to hours and pay. This provides the basics whether we keep Mother in Assisted Living or agree to bring Mother home.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

The way I see it, your Mom is 100 years old [boy, she has seen a lot in her long life, new inventions, new treatments for illnesses, etc.] so I would just continue with what you are now doing. Just make sure no one gets burnt out in the mean time.

Here is a copy of a Caregiver's Agreement I found on Aging Care. https://www.agingcare.com/documents/personal_care_agreement_AgingCare.pdf

As for the $2k per month for being an extra set of ears and eyes for your Mom, it is whatever the family agrees. Sounds like the family is working as a team, that is great.
Helpful Answer (3)
Report

About preventing falls: You can't do it. Not with 100% assurance. Old people fall. My husband fell with a nurse and me in the room with him. Being with someone 24/7 reduces the odds, perhaps, but a fall can happen. And someone on an 8 hour shift needs to use the bathroom. Who is watching then? My mother's hip broke and it caused her to fall while she was walking with her walker. Falls happen. I'm not trying to discourage you from staying with this dear old lady. I just want you to have realistic expectations.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

I'll try to answer many questions, thank you for your time and interest:

BRINGING MOTHER HOME:
I wanted to bring Mother home after our bad experience in the rogue facility. My cousin and brother were against it. I was advised against it. I did not want any chance of being forced out of mother's life. Mother says that she is okay as long as I am with her. An option was left open to move her to another facility. We had to wait for the right time for that. When my Brother saw how expensive the Nurses Aids were at $25.00 per hour when my hours were cut back he agreed. My son also called my cousin and let him know we were moving Mother. By that time he knew that Mother's eyesight was put at risk and he did not raise any argument. He was close with management at the rogue facility.

INSURANCE PAID FOR 14 YEARS FOR ROUND THE CLOCK NURSES AIDS SLUFFED OFF
Mother paid $1,000 per month for insurance for private duty round - the -clock care to the Senior Facility where she originally owned her apartment. Mother lost ownership when the Facility went bankrupt. The Facility was bought out by the rogue facility and under the Bankruptcy Settlement she was to receive 24 x 7 care when she needed it in Independent Living and she continued to pay $1,000 per month insurance to the owners and she paid them rent for an apartment instead of owning her apartment. I found the bankruptcy papers. The rogue facility denied it. Being in any kind of I.L., P.C., A.L., Memory Care or Nursing Home is not the same as 24 x 7 private duty assistance. The cost in a facility is $200,000+ a year just for the 24 x 7 private duty assistance. She has stated she wanted 24 x 7 care when she got older since 2002. She and her 2nd husband stayed at my home for 3 months until their apartment was ready. I asked them to move in with me then and let them know that I bought the house so my family would always have a place to come home to.

BENEFITS OF BRINGING MOTHER HOME
Also, when the parent and child/ family is willing, it can be a great experience. My background here is being involved in a Church where many children have their elderly parents at home. They had a class for several years where Mother (sometimes) and I both participated. Income of the families was not the issue, some homes are very luxurious and I am sure some of the participants struggled with a home and finances but even if they did not struggle they would have their parents at home. It might come to this but we are not ready. There are many issues I am looking into and have to resolve.

MOTHER IS STILL GETTING USED TO THE NEW FACILITY AND IT IS GOOD FOR US BOTH TO BE HAVING A GOOD EXPERIENCE HERE.
At the new facility, people are kind and loving, I can watch them giving Mother her eye drops. They do it according to the Dr's direction. We bring Mother home for family time with us all together. Most important Mother is experiencing how much God loves her by being surrounded by a close attentive family and in a facility that works with us and does not cause conflict and harm.

FINANCES
Brother is not in control of finances by any agreement. He and I are equals in the Trust that pays for the facility and 24 x 7 care. Mother is still competent. He and the stock broker connived the stocks transferred to him in 2008 and other later transfers to him, I witnessed him badgering her over money (he is wealthy). When we were younger Mother helped him and his family. I was glad she could do that, if she was not able I could have helped him and his family. When Mother sent me money in 2012 when I was having difficulty, he demanded equal. We became suspicious and sent a letter to his broker that mother did not want to pre-distribute her money, that she wanted her money to pass through her estate unless she wrote a check from her checking account. That is when my brother was really angry and he took her checkbook. We made an agreement that no checks would be written from her trust fund unless he and I signed them. In 2015 we studied all transactions at Mother's IL apartment. Mother and I tried to straighten it out. I documented everything and sent it to him and his broker and asked for a meeting with the broker. We took a witness to our meeting. They promised me documents, and everything I asked for. Nothing was ever sent. They and my brother make me very nervous. Mother has been recommended another brokerage firm by her step-son. He is a great guy. I feel bad that my brother is not looking out like that for Mother and myself.

STILL RECOVERING
The rogue facility took its toll on me as well as Mother. We are both recovering from the negligence and abuse. My son and his wife are assisting me with Mother's Care. I recently became a member of the Church Choir, have a Bible Study Group, and attend church Services on Sunday mornings. They cover me for these events and on Tuesdays when I clean the house, do the laundry and run errands. My son stops by almost every day. He is a family man with his wife, daughter, 3 grandchidren and 1 on the way. He was in the oil industry until they laid off workers. He was receiving pay for Mothers Care until certain expenses Mother and I are facing cropped up. He works and is looking for more work. He is managing. I would be here for $0.00 if I didn't need some help. I pay all the expenses for the home which is right up the road from Mother's facility. My son keeps the yard and repairs up on the house. We have a nice home in a beautiful and friendly community.

Tomorrow we are going to visit the home with my son, wife, grandson who works out of town and is returning for a visit. That will be fun. I sleep on an air mattress on the floor in Mother's apartment. It reminds me of living in Colorado. I do not sleep much. I spend time writing and documenting into the night. I wake up when Mother gets up. I've never slept very much. We have a Bed Posey I have to get programmed. It goes under Mother and it rings or can be programmed to say, "please don't get up until someone can assist you."

I guess I will draft an aagreement and take it to an attorney. I get frustrated with them
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

Quite frankly, I am having a hard time understanding what question you want answered. If she is in AL and one of you has to be with her 24/7, why don't you just bring her home to live with you? I'm confused.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

Daughterlu, I went back over your previous posts.

Mother currently gifting you $1000. per month. You live nearby and one of you....you, son or daughter in law is there, round the clock, to do mom's bidding. You would like the money you are given to be raised to $2000 per month. Someone ( you?) feels that mom needs a family member with her 24/7, due to your fear that she might fall, medication error, lack of medical care and the weird maintenance guy at a previous facility.

In 2008, your brother, apparently on legal advice, took one third of mom's assets, I'm not sure why. This did not seem to leave mom impoverished, but you are still worried about her running out of money.

You ask if $2000 is reasonable pay. There is a bigger question here. If mom needs such close supervision and medical care, doesn't she need to be in a nursing home? If she is anxious, shouldn't she be seen by a geriatric psychiatrist and have her anxiety treated?

Does your son work? Do he and dil have a family?

Elders fall, even with family members in the room. One discharge planner, an RN told me that her elderly mom fell with 3 RNS (including the daughter) in a room. Sometimes elders fall because a bone fractures while they are standing.
Helpful Answer (3)
Report

It sounds as though your mother is in need of a higher level of care.

It sounds as though the back story is that brother holds the purse strings and you are in need of financial assistance.

Does your son have a job?
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Related
Questions