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Perhaps. hospice is an answer for you. Were you able to talk about your dad and how that still has impacted you emotionally and you do not want to remember mom that way? Wow, this is difficult...do you have siblings who can help also?
Bless you, you are not insensitive, just the reverse. I would feel the same way.
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Doulasue: Imho, your mother is in God's hands. My own late mother, whom I had to live with to provide care out of state, died while I was living in her home. Although she did not die in her home, she did pass away at the local hospital just days after my own birthday. So I feel for you; I truly do.
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I am so glad you asked this question. I am facing the same thing. Came home from work to find my father had died suddenly in my guest bedroom. Mom has late stage dementia and was beside herself looking for him. I was rather traumatized. Now, eight months later, hospice has been called in for her and I really don't want her to die in my home.
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Doulasue....
Why don't you want your mother to pass in your home? What's wrong with having her with you?
Its not a sin to die....everyone of us alive today is going to pass, sooner or later.
I wouldn't have my late mother anywhere else but with me. She tried to talk me into putting her away in a NH, and then she began to state that she was going to just start walking.....but, thank God, she finally relented and stayed with my hubs and me. It's very, very hard to care for and watch the one you love and cannot live without slowly slip into decline....and finally, slowly, the lights go out. Hardest thing I've ever experienced. I'm still sad, lonely and grieving and she passed February 1, 2018.
If I wasn't saved by Christ the Lord, I'd have ended my own sad existence. But, I belong to Jesus, and He sustains me! He is my hope, my joy, and my reason for living now. I am ready for Heaven, as He died for me, for all of us, all we need to do to avoid Hell forever is Repent of our sins, and put our full trust in Him. He did the hard work by paying the penalty we earned by violating God's perfection. He paid the Penalty which is death, and being God the Creator, He rose bodily from the dead on the 3rd day.
For clarification, please watch on YT, Ray Comfort. I have a hard time explaining the Gospel....but, to listen to Ray as he interviews random people on the streets of So California is nothing short of incredible, amazing, and very interesting! Ray Comfort is an excellent teacher....people seem to really tune in and listen....I hope you can go to YT and find a video by Ray Comfort! He's very well worth your time!!
And, there's nothing wrong with your father or mother passing in your home, or their own. Where else would they? I'm assuming when God calls me Home, that I'll pass wherever I'm at, be it the store, in my car, or at my house....no big deal.
Do not be afraid!
Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not upon your own understanding. In all your ways, acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths.
Proverbs 3: 5,6
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I’m sorry you are going through this difficult time. It takes a very brave person to step up and be an end-of-life caregiver. Sometimes you might feel broken, but the fact that you have done this for your parents evidences incredible strength.

Many people on this forum will understand your PTSD.

The best way to change your fear may be to adapt your outlook.

All planning around death brings no guarantees.

i have had problems with similar spots in my home. Short of moving, I’ve come around to regard these sites as places of love, life, comfort and courage.

I was concerned when one of my young teens experienced my mother’s passing. I was specifically considering she might need counseling.

Several days after Mom died I was worrying about the fact that my daughter had been there. I asked her how she was doing with the experience and, to my surprise, she said she was grateful. She even said she would have been devastated (she specifically
said she would not be able to forgive herself) if she had not been there for her grandma to help her through at such a terrifying moment (for my Mom).

These words have helped me with my own internal struggle.
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If you have this very reasonable fear, you have every reason and right to place her no matter how much she objects. If this does happen, it could affect you for years to come with memories and more problems. Don't let the happen. Please place her - perhaps into assisted living. She lived her life and this is YOUR time.
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My thought is different. My father spent hospice at home. He passes 9 years ago and I treasure that time I had with him. I used to be afraid of death but I found it is very much like life there is a process to it and if you can give your loved one a loving and comfortable time of transition it can be a beautiful experience for all involved. I’m not saying it isn’t sad. It is, I miss my father terribly. I think of him every day. But I also think about the yellow butterfly that glutted outside the window of the family room where he laid in bed from Wednesday through Saturday morning when he passed and then the Butterfly was gone. Was that butterfly waiting for him? Who knows. But I will not miss the same experience with my Mother if I am blessed to have the opportunity to help her cross over. Each person is different and I am sorry you have sad feelings when thinking about losing your father in your home. I hope you find peace in whatever decision you make.
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MargaretMcKen Sep 2021
Every parent-child relationship is different, and reactions to deaths are just as different. It's wonderful that yours was so good, and I hope the same is true when your mother dies.
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