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Pinky, if you can do it then do it. But a number of us caregivers are considered Seniors caring for Seniors. Some with their own health issues.
I was 65 when my Mom came to live with me, she 86. At the stage she was in it was like having a toddler in my house. Waking up in the middle of the night when I myself finally got to sleep. I am 5ft tall with no upper body strength. Just helping Mom out of her chair did a number on my back. Not to mention bathing and toileting her. Also, my house is a split level. Not good for someone who can't do steps. I eventually placed her in an AL right up the street. She was able to socialize and walk all over the facility. Eventually, money ran out and LTC was needed. She was in her final stage. She knew no one. She needed more care than I was able to give.

Sorry if we seem to "push" placing a loved one. Maybe you are a "Caregiver". Not all of us are. And some push themselves to where now their health is compromised. We just want these people to know that its OK to say "I can't do this" and find alternatives.
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Reply to JoAnn29
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"although there isnt much left of her in there, she still surfaces from time to time and I wouldn't give up these last years with her for anything".

That's just how Teepa Snow describes the 'Pearl' stage. Have you seen any of her videos? She is a dementa care expert. Lots on her website & youtube.

I know someone who uses the phrase "this too shall pass". It helps them 😍.

I wear a necklace that's my 'I'm on duty' to remind me to stay in the caring mode & I try to add yoga or breathing exercises to every day. There are countless free YouTube's to find something that helps you unwind.

Your Grandmother is very lucky indeed to have you.
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My gma is in stage 5 and I've been taking care of her for 6 years now. I have a lot of support from my family and the most wonderful husband in the world. I have reached the frustration and burnout stage now I am way past that. I have found that finding the humor in it helps a ton.

I also have little sayings that help me through the hard times and was hoping to pick up some new ones. For example a fellow caregiver from a support group told me "when nothing is going right, go left". IDK maybe I'm a little nuts as well, but it helps.

I love my grandma to pieces and although there isnt much left of her in there, she still surfaces from time to time and I wouldn't give up these last years with her for anything.

Is this an actual chat group or just an add to push people into putting their loved ones in homes? No offense but that seemed like a drastic response to my question.
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sjplegacy May 24, 2020
I apologize if you took umbrage with my response to your situation. You mentioned that the "stress is changing me and taking a toll on my marriage" and "I am beyond burnt out". Those are serious caregiver issues and why I phrased my response like I did. For me saying "it's the disease and not the person" just didn't help anymore. God love you for your dedication to g'ma and give you the strength to carry on.
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PinkyMayB, it is time to take back your life. You been caring for g'ma a long time. "You're talking to the disease" may be helpful in the early stages, but it doesn't help you anymore. You must seek help. This is one disease that affects the entire family. A homecare agency may be of benefit, but I think a care facility is where you need to look. You're caregiving won't get any easier. An ALF or MC would be appropriate for g'ma depending where she is in her dementia journey. You may feel a sense of guilt for having to place her, but I think a sense of relief will be stronger. If she's still in he own house, selling it will provide some capital to fund a care facility. Good luck.
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