My mom tells us things that I know are not true. Do we just go along with it?

Yep, it's normal for Alzheimer's and dementia sufferers to confabulate.......to make up stories to suit their moods. You are wise to just go along with whatever she tells you, since arguing just creates MORE arguing! If she thinks that she & her roommate were out all day & having a ball, more power to her! The goal is really to keep her happy and content. Anxiety tends to prevail with this miserable disease, so anything we can do to PREVENT their anxiety is what we should strive to do. Whether that means making up 'white lies' or agreeing with nonsensical stories or saying whatever is required to keep them relaxed, then that's what we do. As long as we're not creating harm for them, you know? If you have a question about what is REALLY going on, call the facility where she lives and fact check. When my mother (who lives in Memory Care) starts telling me all about how they're 'starving her' or throwing peanut butter & jelly sandwiches in her face (with no other choices), THAT is when I get on the horn and fact check. Just to satisfy myself that all is well and she's just confabulating. Again.

Good luck!

I have a friend whose mother does the same thing. She now has mom write "a letter" to someone and tell them all about her day. She then shares the letters that have somewhat unique content with close friends via FB. It is very interesting to look into the mind of someone who is disconnected with their current reality. Her letters are so well-written that you could really believe she spent the day at the beach with her husband (who has been dead thirty years) when it was actually snowing that day in Ohio. My friend keeps all the letters with a note about what the day was really like. Perhaps your mom would be willing to write letters as well, something you would have as a reminder of her after she is gone.

Yes... this IS normal. I have worked with dementia patients for 25+ years. They make up things ALL the time and when they tell you things that you know are NOT true, please...... please.....please... do not correct them, do not disagree with them. They honestly believe that what they are telling others is reality. And it IS reality to them. You cannot change their minds.. you won't be able to reason with them. When you do correct them.. disagree with them.. all it causes it anger from them. Best thing is distract them when they get angry. As soon as they start making up stuff in particular that upsets them, distract them with something that will make them "happy". And it can even be the same thing over and over because they most likely are NOT going to remember you having brought it up before. Sad... but true. GOD bless. you.

Your mother may talk about things she imagines or wishes were true. They are real to her. Answer within her reality. "I'm glad you got back safely." "It must have been nice to go shopping." " thank you for telling me about your day. " and so on.
No need to contradict her. No harm done.

MyAngel80, there are many great resources online where you can learn all about your mom's condition and what to expect and how to handle things. Your mom's "adventure" sounds awesome compared to some of the things the cognitively impaired think is going on (my aunt is always confronting burglars and people with knives and is very distressing to her). It does't matter what her roommate thinks...she may be having her own delusions. Teepa Snow has videos online that many on this forum have recommended to learn about dementia/ALZ. You and your sister are doing the best you can considering the circumstances. Learning more will help ease some of that stress. May you and your family have peace in your hearts!

It's absolutely normal. For several months last year, my mother demanded to go home several times a day, and she was at the home she owned and had lived in for more than 50 years. We figured out that she wanted to go to her childhood home, and we discovered that promising her we'd leave later usually calmed her down. My point is that an Alzheimer's-impaired brain is going to tell stories that are off by 60 years, pure fantasy, complete fiction, or nightmares. It is all true to your loved one. Don't argue, don't try to prove them wrong. Logic is the first thing to go. So, yes, go along with it. Unless they're telling you they're experiencing something awful, which even if it isn't happening, is affecting them mentally and might require anti-anxiety meds or anti-depressants.

I try to think of it as her brain is trying to find connections that were once linear, but now aren’t. She was worried about something but can’t tell if it is her inner thought swirl or what really happened. Some things I have learned to translate. If we are out and about and she asks me several times if someone picked my sister up from school it means that she is overwhelmed and ready to return to the facility where she feels safe. Things just don’t process the same way. The restaurant we’ve had lunch at for years, while familiar is full of motion and sound that she can’t process in way that lets her file it away as background noise. She’s not lying, she is picking something out of the grab bag to provide an answer. In your case the best thing to do is to agree with your mother that it is a good or bad thing based on the answer provided to reassure, because she may not be talking specifically about her roommate but another person and her roommate walked by when she was talking to you or she saw something that reminded her of her room mate. She is trying to tell you that she was worried about something but it is ok now. Or at least that is how choose to interpret.

Yep--annoying as all get out, but normal.

If you saw my mom before 3 pm, you'd think she was pretty on point. After that, the slow slide into another world.

Nothing to do for it--she's on so many meds the docs won't give her anything. She's calm, so it's not like she's causing problems, She's just like a totally different person.

My husband, who never wanted to travel , has now had the most fabulous experiences all over the world . We’ve been on safari , climbed the Great Wall of China and had so many unique experiences in his mind . I just go along with it and say how lucky we were to do all those things . ( and it didn’t cost a cent ) We’ve also been to many famous people’s funerals and sat amongst both politicians we’ve loved and hated . I must admit I find these confabulations fascinating since , as I’ve mentioned, he sure wasn’t a guy who wanted to go anywhere .

Yes, certainly any change takes a great toll. There is never any sense to arguing with a disease or a disorder. Be gentle as you can, correcting only what you need to, and gently. It is such a struggle for all our loved ones because often when they go wrong in what they are saying they are somewhere aware of that, somewhere embarrassed by it. It is hard to see and hear. My heart goes out to you.