My wife has a knack for starting new habits, she's had dementia for 4 or 5 years now. She started one recently where when she doesn't get her way she starts breathing hard as she follows you around. She has another where when it's hot outside I will open some windows and she will eventually have them all closed within the hour. These are annoying but I roll with them.
Her daughter and 25 year old grandson are now living with us, and helping me with her care. My wife used to shop a lot, but that ended when she totaled the car a few years back. I had no idea at that time that her illness was that bad. I knew something was going on but not to what extent. She was intercepting the mail and hiding the letters sent home explaining she shouldn't be driving.
That curbed her taste for wanting to go shopping on a daily basis, but she got that taste back when she started going everywhere her daughter or son went. Then the COVID-19 came along and that shopping time got cut way back. But now it has gotten to the point where every day is a day of arguments.
I wake up to hearing arguing routinely. She has no clue about a virus or the fact it has killed thousands. She wants to go to the store or anywhere and she will get physical, pushing, cursing, and not giving up. She knows what she wants and if we just take her. Someone eventually gives in, we go, or they go, get a couple of items we need and she gets a candy bar. As soon as we get in the house it starts all over again.
I try to get across to her the risks she is putting all of us in. But of course it does not register. If you wake up in our house in a good mood, it gets squelched within minutes. There are no habits in her tool box that are positive. I keep trying to keep her at home, but it's so hard. I mean it's really difficult, but I don't want to give up.
I watched a show on 60 minutes once and they showed a couple where the wife had dementia. They started this when she was first diagnosed and they went back to check on her once a year to show the progression of her illness. Every year you could see the progress and it was extreme. I think they did this for 5 or 6 years and the last year she was barely reacting to their touch, voice, she was not there anymore. During the previous years he was always jovial and hanging in there. But in that last visit you could see a big change in him also, spent. They asked him , if you could do this again would you do anything different and he said yes, I would take her to a home a lot sooner.
He said it was a big mistake for both of them. For his health and for her well being , as he couldn't give her the type of care she could have gotten from trained nurses and a facility that was built for what his wife needed. Am I neglecting my wifes needs and my mind by trying to take care of her myself?