I tried making her room so homey and inviting. When I return in the late morning it looks like a bomb went off. I recently learned the word "rummaging" and that fits. It's like the room and its contents have been shaken like a snow globe!
Like others, I tried taking away the bags and now she uses the trash bags. I think it makes me more uncomfortable than her. I just want to see her have a cozy and warm room vs the chaos I walk into daily.
Any advice? Or is this just something I need to let go of?
The best way to learn how to 'be with / accept' is to educate yourself on what happens to the brain when a person acquires dementia (brain cells die, different parts of the brain work differently than they used to ... reality isn't 'real' accept to the person with dementia who 'believes' what their mind / brain is telling them.
Her behavior could have a lot to do with:
Needing: (1) medication assessment / management; (2) Perhaps bring 'things' to put in the suitcase. Gives her busy work to do; (3) Have less 'items' in her room (since she seems to have 'lots' of things to grab / dismantle).
SHE NEEDS ATTENTION. A calming presence..
Either consider getting a personal caregiver in and/or ask staff to check in on her more often throughout the night.
To me, letting go is more of a process of learning how to 'work with' the person / the changing brain. She will continue to exhibit behaviors you will not understand (perhaps no one knows what is going on in her brain/chemistry). Although we can know what parts of the brain 'do' / are responsible for our thoughts and behaviors. And when those parts of the brain die, so does the 'job' they had.
When a person has a vision in their mind (be it from 40-50-60 years ago), to them, it is REAL CURRENT TIME. They are reliving a moment in their past - however it is embellished with their fantasy/imagery.
or
'somehow' thinking they are doing what is in the best (current) interest of well-being and/or being run by anxiety / emotions and thoughts that do not help them although that is what they believe.
Never, ever argue with a person inflicted with dementia.
It will only create (further) negative emotions = create an argument (if you try to 'convince' a person with dementia by 'explaining' reality.
They DO NOT HAVE THE CAPACITY to understand (reality/) you.
It isn't that they are intentionally being antagonistic. They are doing what their brain is telling them to do, as parts of their brain cells are dying / have died.
Yes, once you understand what is running them, you do need to accept what is and thereby 'let go.'
You let go with compassion ... with love ... with an intention to be present each moment 'where they are.' And you follow their lead by observing/being cognizant of their behavior.
What you want to do is keep the person as calm as possible.
What I learned with a client with advanced dementia is that she 'got it' - that I cared for her. She spoke gibberish so I never understood anything so said ... and she got 'me' by:
* my tone of voice
* my gentle, loving touches / to comfort her
* me smiling
* picking up on her cues; if she laughs or looks at a tree and sees a bird as a box of cornflakes or something, I acknowledge her - her surprise, her enjoyment ... not what she actually sees (saw).
I hope this helps.
Gena / Touch Matters
If not that may be part of the problem, she thinks you are coming everyday to take her home.
Every facility that I have had LO's in, were clear that we should stay away for a couple of weeks, so they can get settled in and understand this is their new home.
Getting exercise during the day will help if Mom is up to walking. i.e. Mom wouldn't rummage as much when she was tired out from being outside walking.
Best of luck to you.
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