I just kicked mom's neighbor out of her home. Things are not what they once were and I am tired of her mansplaining neighbor whom I tolerated for years along with last year's worth of allegations by other family members who add nothing in sweat work projecting their own guilt to feel useful. Mom cries to family and this friend, usually when I am on an errand. It's the usual attention seeking what-a- horrible-daughter cleaning out her home. You would think it would be appreciated in the least. He proceeded to tell me that before I moved in with her everything was in it's place and mom took care of everything. It is her home and she indeed did take care of everything 30 years ago because my sister and I grew up and out of the home. She worked and retired and she aged and the house aged, and kids were born, and grand kids, and other family or friends or caregivers moved in and out. For the past three years she's had caregivers at home, home health, hospice, now palliative care .... Who did she appoint as power of attorney, her medical agent and who is acting in her best interest and at an expense of economic loss to my family because of her financial generosity of "her money" in the past. Why did she cry to him? Because she was home and put away cups half washed. I asked her to leave dishes alone now which made her defensive. I have been clearing decades worth of belongings of each family member. Her loss of independence and reliance on anyone is heartbreaking for someone who has been independent of anyone. I am not taking away her dignity and tired of educating others about caregiver compensating in this aging process. An elder can't live alone at a certain point and I stayed with her to observe and help her adjust. There's never enough support and decisions have to be made for their safety. Frankly, I expect a APS call from this neighbor.

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Reply to Outraged

I suppose this neighbor has a letter box. Chances are that you aren’t going to have a great relationship with him in the future. I’d suggest that you print out what you posted, top it with “I though you might like to read the comments I’ve just posted to an international site. The replies were not at all complimentary about your behavior. If you want to help, please let me know how. If you still don’t get it, I’d be glad not to see you again”. Drop it in the letter box. It probably can’t make things worse. The guy needs to know the real deal.
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Reply to MargaretMcKen

Good for you. Bet you wish you had kicked him out long ago. Your POA is now in effect. Its no longer what Mom wants but what she needs. And she doesn't need a neighbor putting things in her head and then you having to deal with it. If anyone else has opinions tell them they are very welcome to care for her.

If APS calls, allow them into the house. Answer any questions they have and keep calm. They may even be of some help. You have a right not to allow this neighbor into the home when ur there. And tell him, he makes an already hard job harder.
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Reply to JoAnn29

Pasa, caregiving is HARD. You gave that neighbour the boot they deserved.

I heard a Doctor call someone similar "So-called well-meaning interfering do-gooders" 😂

You described a full life of independence, change, aging & dependence very very well.

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Reply to Beatty

You're not alone! Caregivers never get enough credit for what they do. I'm a live-in caregiver devoting my life to care for a couple. I deeply care for them and I want to see them live their life happily, they are both depressed and there's nothing I can do about it. I'm becoming too angry with the situation and I don't want to feel that way. The family is rarely at the residence or in their presence. There's constantly dispute between I and the family, when I don't meet the expectations of their wants in terms of taking care of their family. They always complain about what I don't do, but never show praise or appreciation for what I do. I never get support or common courtesy as a caregiver. I'm basically their personal robot who should do everything when told. This is the worst situation I've ever been in and ita mentally draining me. I've never been this depressed. This has totally taken the life out of me.. I plan to resign as a caregiver entirely! This has been life changing!
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Reply to Christopher504
Beatty May 7, 2021
I am sorry you have that situation. I'm sure the couple really appreciate your care, even if the family have u realistic expectactions.

Maybe if you move on to a new position, you could still see this couple you care about from time to time as a friendly visitor instead?
Sounds like this neighbor was an interfering ‘know it all’ and deserved to be thrown out!

So sorry for the aggravation that you are going through with this person next door.

You have enough to deal with without this foolishness from the neighbor. I hope the situation improves soon. Vent all you need to! We care.
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Reply to NeedHelpWithMom

Uggh, so sorry this is happening to you.

You are appreciated, at the very least by us here on AC. THANK YOU for the great work you are doing for your loved one. 😊
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Reply to SnoopyLove
NeedHelpWithMom May 6, 2021
What a sweet reply, Snoopy!
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