I am still only getting 2 hours a week free from my mother. I am in over my head. Is it wrong for me to want to be done?


Guilt feelings stink. My sister is a teacher, 5 days a week. Its just me. I keep having these feelings of a explosion about to go off in my head, I went to get my mail yesterday and she was snooping through my personal things when I got home. She has refused to unpack her boxes, I did a few while she was gone on Saturday. They are now rearranged and packed again. I feel hopeless....

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You are not wrong or bad for the way you feel. This arrangement isn't working and won't likely improve. Start looking for assisted living if you can. Whatever money your mother has is meant for her care.

AL will eat her money up fast, so a lot depends on whether she will eventually qualify for Medicaid in your state. Find out what she needs to do to qualify and stay on top of that.

Unless your sister or someone else can relieve you for more time and you can separate your life from your mother a little, you really need to change this dynamic. Ask your sister to help you figure it out.

You can be a wonderful daughter with your mom in a different home and you having your own life. This situation isn't good for either of you in the long run.
Take care of yourself,
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It won't get better and your anger and resentment will build. Is there someone from church or a neighbor who would come and visit or take her shopping a morning a week? Can you take her to senior center in your area every morning or so? Can you afford to hire a caregiver a few hrs a couple days a week? A combination of these things to give you more time? I feel for those who don't have options. I used some of moms money to hire caregivers. They took her out, for walks, errands and just spent time with her preparing meals etc. Good luck, but explore options or talk with your senior center for options before you totally burn out.
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How long has she been there that she still has boxes unpacked? I know how you feel, but if it is a relatively new situation and you can put her into AL or something, I'd do it. I don't have that option. It's me 24/7. My sister lives 95 miles away, so she can't help except for when we meet half way and exchange Mom for a week. That is getting more and more confusing for her and I don't know how long this can go on. Can you leave your Mom at all? It helps me to go to the store or anywhere every day for a short time. When it is nice, even to go out in the backyard and weed or mess around with my flowers helps. Don't give up hope. Hope is the only thing we have, sometimes. It sounds as if you have a sister who is there close by? How do you get the 2 hours a week off? Is it because your sister stays with your Mom? There are alternatives to feeling like a prisoner, but I know it is hard when they don't have a lot of money, but have too much income for Medicaid. That's my situation. I feel stuck, too, sometimes, but if I take each day as it comes, and sometimes each hour as it comes I do a lot better. Good luck, Spooky and know you are NOT alone even though it seems like it.
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She had been moving every year before we realized what was wrong,and she never unpacked,in 4 years.She has always been a difficult to get along with woman,and unwilling to bend or try to cooperate,even in her younger years.I wish it could be different,but I guess it is what it is....
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