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My mom has begun to shadow me apparently. She is vision impaired along with the dementia, she is not following me around so to speak.

When I leave the room she has started to say " Hello?" "Are you there" "Where are you?" It is continual until she sees me, regardless of the fact that she can hear me.

She only does that with me, not my siblings or my spouse, or anyone else that visits daily. I am her caregiver 24/7, so I sense this may be the reason.

I have noticed that when I explain to her what I am going to do, the calling after me is much worse. I have attempted to keep her engaged in an activity while I take care of chores, cooking, whatever. I have also tried to talk to her from the other room to reassure her. Anybody have any suggestions in this regard? .

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I know how frustrating this must be to you and I know that it will probably not get better, but here is my best attempt to help out. I think back with my children were small and the same thing happened to me--once I left the room and they were playing on the floor they needed to see me more than hear me. I read sometime ago when I was in graduate school about separation anxiety with small children. I am wondering if the same thing happens as we age and we feel ost when we can't see that familiar face. Going on that premise, I would suggest that if you have to change rooms for some great period of time, then I would bring your mom along. As I recall, I did the same with my sons were little--we moved from room to room when I had new tasks. So when it came time for dinner we all moved to the kitchen and of course, I wanted to make sure that I saw them for a safety reason. But I planned my moves based on the time I was spending doing each project so I tried to stay in one place completing each task. Bathing was always a trick for me so I took bathes only when they were sleeping Iit did take some planning on my part, but it did work out for me. Of course, as the boys got older, they knew that I was going to be there and their anxieties grew smaller. However, that is not the same situation with your mom because of the dementia she will become more dependent upon you. Just one more idea is play music in the background as that seems to be very soothing for all generations and that might take her mind off of you when not right in the room with her. Do let me know if you try this as I would like to see the results.
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My 93 year old mom does this. She has dementia and I know she feels vulnerable. She also knows I am the one who cooks for her. I f I do have to leave for a few minutes, she runs back to her bed and goes to sleep. She has said she doesn't remember who she is anymore. I always just tell her she lives with us and we love her. She always hugs and kisses me then.
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My mom doesn't have a vision problem and doesn't have dementia but she does the same to me. I don't get any alone time. She is either asking me where I am or where was I? Can't even use the bathroom without hearing "Where are you?" "Are you ok?" I think it is just age. I feel bad but sometimes I just have to ignore her and go about my business. One thing about being a caregiver is you constantly feel guilty about them, your family, and yourself. It's not easy hang in there!
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Simply stop responding to attention getting behaviors. You don't slam your hand in a car door because it hurts--it doesn't pay off. It will take time but gradually, without response and constant reassurance (which will NEVER be enough), this behavior, once ignored, will taper off. Don't keep playing the game.
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My mom did the same thing. She didn't want me to leave her alone. I would try to explain to her that I had some other things to do, but she still wanted me to be with her anyway. As long as I was in her sight, she was fine. I would just tell her that I had some things to do and I would be right back, And I would just go and do them. I would see the sadness in her face when I left. I was with her as much as I could.
My mom was 96 and she passed away on Feb. 1st of this year. I wasn't there when she passed and it kills me inside that I wasn't. Somehow I think my mom knew she was dying and wanted me to be with her when it happened. I just wished that I was. I had so much to say to her.
I know how demanding it is to be a caregiver. You need time for yourself too. But go that extra mile and be patient with them. They do it out of need for you and they feel secure knowing that you are there also they fear that something happened to you. Just let them know you are around cause if they pass away and you aren't there, you will feel really bad, like I do. And don't forget to tell them you love them everyday.
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I have this same problem with my 93 year old Mom. If I am working outside in the yard, she has to know where I am. If I go shopping, and am not home within a half hour, she calls me! I don't know what to tell you. I think that at this point in life, they feel they have to know that you are right there if they need you. It's all part of the caretaking process. I wish you luck!
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I wish I had an answer for you. I have the same problem here, with my mother who has dementia and alot of other medical issues. The only thing I can figure out is that they feel very vulnerable and have a constant need to know they are safe and not alone. One thing you can try is writing down on paper where you are and what you are doing and sign it "love, ----", leaving it right where she will have it in front of her. I cannot leave my mother alone for any reason, beyond 10 minutes, because she could fall. My heart goes out to you.
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My Mother listens to my phone calls! So weird but I can hear her breathing on the other line. When my brother calls she has to hear every word. I don't really care anymore because I know it is not going to change. When we have children we know that they will become more independent with time - not so with our elderly. They will become MORE dependent so I have to figure out how I am going to cope and truthfully I have developed a lot thicker skin - otherwise I would just be walking around with my feelings hurt all the time because my Mother has no more filters or boundaries with the things she says or her behaviors. I have to leave the house for any privacy and that is what I do. I am pretty lucky because my Mother can be left alone for a few hours but I know that will probably change too. Caregiving is not for the faint of heart or for wimps. Hang in there, nothing is forever.
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We all need something to look forward to. If my family took her 1 weekend a month she would have something and I would have something to look forward to so I think it would make life a lot easier. I can really take a lot but everything is getting to me and I don't want to say something that is going to hurt someone. Maybe I need help on how to get my family to help me more. Why am I the one in charge of everything just because she lives with me. I'm the youngest!!!
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My Mom is a hoverer. Even in a wheelchair she scoots with her feet to position herself right next to me. Even if I am at her house with other family members she tends to want to shadow me- at first it annoyed me to no end! But I do remember that I used to do the same thing to her- I had a lot of anxiety- OCD as a child and I would follow her around-sit on the toilet as she got her make up on to go out, sit with my back against the refrigerator on the floor by her feet as she cooked... When she went on a vacation with dad (Dad was always out of town so he was kind of a non entity in the house) I would hang up pictures of her and just stare at them- (my grandma was watching us). So- I guess it is payback for me. Only thing is she HATED when I followed her around and told me that. She often told me that I had to stop. She would roll her eyes at me when I was anxious. And now - here we are- rolls reversed. Do I sometimes REALLY want to say the things she said to me when I was 5? YES! But I don't because , I don't know - I just can't. The minute I get frustrated with her I feel so guilty. SO I have learned to deal with it. It is OK now because I am a part time caregiver. If I become the full time caregiver- hmmmm--

One thing that helps is my Mom loves dogs! when she is at my house my little westie just sits on her lap for hours. This helps. I think if I became full time caregiver I will use that and say "Mom,I have to go cook now. Lala(our westie) needs to stay out of my way in the kitchen - she is a bad beggar- can you watch her in the family room while I cook? It would be a big help!" Mom also has a huge heart when it comes to her dogs so I could also say "Lala is really scared right now and I have to go take a shower. Can you hold her while I get ready for the day? Just pet her and tell her that it is OK that her Mama will be right back?" I am hoping this will help sooth herself as well.

Good luck! And maybe get a lap dog?
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