My husband is in AL Memory Care for 5 months. I visit him every day. They say he is adjusting and is doing well. Today's visit got me wondering... he always says "where were you, I haven't seen you for weeks"..although I was just there yesterday. He doesn't go on after a while during the visit. By the time I need to leave (usually stay 2-3 hours), he makes the exit very difficult for me. I say I will be back soon, he asks what time, etc. he said today when I arrived "I might as well die, I can't even have my wife here with me". I doubt this is manipulation, he is not like that. Visits themselves can be delightful enough but the beginning and the end leave me feeling confused how to better handle it. Do you suppose he really feels that way? Needed to vent and get your thoughts. Thank you very much.

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Maybe redirect with something familiar; this is what I did with Dad: "I have to go to the store now to get milk" or "I have to run to the bank." And when you get there, maybe something like "Whew, just got done vacuuming..." It could make a difference, too, if you manage things like your coat out of his sight. (Just some things that seemed to help in our situation.)
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Mom, (95, stage 6 Alz., ) always says, "I haven't seen you in weeks."
I was there 1 week ago.

Obviously, they can't process time. I just tell her I saw her last week. She's always surprised.

Luv, you're not doing anything wrong. It's his disease. I don't see what else you could do.
He can't help it so you're going to need to get "thick skinned". Don't take what he says personally.

My mom tells me she doesn't like her daughter, (me-but she doesn't know who I am), that her daughter is mean and had stolen everything from her. She has accused "her daughter" of lying, assaulting her, even incest. It hurts me to the core. But I have to remember it's the disease talking.

Just keep visiting and ignore the negative talk. Tell him how much you love him. Focus on positive things and be happy when you leave, even if you cry in the car.

This disease stinks.
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My mom did the same thing. She always said "oh thank god you're here" and she acted like it was the worst place she'd ever been in. After about 2 weeks of her being there, the case worker suggested that I stay away for a few days, which helped her adjust. I noticed that she wasn't so dependent on me after a while & had made some friends. Now when I go see her, she seems very content and is joining in with others and visiting the office workers on her floor. Maybe if you went every other day for a couple of weeks, your husband would adjust better. Just a suggestion.
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My Mama does this every time she has been in the hospital or rehab in the NH. She has dementia so she does not remember. She always wanted to leave with me. I would leave the rehab or wherever and feel just awful driving away. Everyone said she was fine after I left. Many people have posted here about this same thing. It is hard on us when we leave. I too would want to go or have my husband stay with me. It takes awhile for all of us to get used to the changes. Memory loss is so hard. Bless you. This is so very common and no, there is no manipulation here, he just knows you are someone who belongs to him and someone he loves.
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