My father asked me to check out an AL facility near me. I did and let him know it was nice. He said sign me up! He paid the huge community fee without hesitation. My husband and I got the room ready very quickly and set it up really nicely. I went down to get him and he packed the back of the car to the hilt. We drove to the facility and he filled out paperwork while I unloaded the car. He asked me to fill out the check for the rent and he signed it . He was fine when I went home. The next day he was already claiming that he had never said he wanted to move and didn’t know how he got there! His story changed too many times to count over the next few days. By day 5 he had called the police, APS and attorneys and was attempting to file kidnapping charges against me. This turned into more police and APS contact over the next week claiming I had stolen his house, car and money and had brought him to this place without his consent. With a little investigating they all knew he must have dementia because there were many witnesses to back up the actual events. At the advice of APS and the police we took his telephone away. Our lives were a nightmare due to his ability to get his ex part time caregiver and his old neighbors to give him phone numbers! The phone became a weapon. His ex care giver even gave him a number for a taxi after she tried to set up a ride for him to go home and they declined as she wouldn’t identify herself! That was yet another call from the police. We got him a doctor who referred him for neuropsychological testing. The conclusion was indeed that he has Frontotemporal Dementia. Now that his decision making is gone and my brother who is his POA has told him he’s staying in AL I need know how to handle seeing him. The staff has actually asked me to limit my visits as it agitates him and causes him to fixate on going home. He knows I’m the one who drove him there so he blames me for everything. I’m also running down as he’s made our lives miserable during the last month dealing with his shenanigans. Whenever I see him it’s always the same thing. Why did you bring me here? What did I do to deserve this? Why am I being punished? How can a daughter treat her father this way? Do you want me to die in a place like this? (It's a very nice place) Please let me go home? He was just as miserable at home and often didn’t know it was his home. I’ve told him he gave my brother POA and I can’t make decisions for him but he’s incapable of understanding that. It’s like he’s a broken record on replay whenever I see him. What should I do? Will this calm down in time if I just stay away for awhile? How long should I stay away? We’ve never had a normal family so this is very hard for me. He’s been a psychological abuser my entire life. Our relationship had actually gotten better after his personality changed, but now it’s a mixture of the same old attacks along with the dementia where he suddenly can be really nice. He gets me so confused I don’t know what to say to him. I see a glimpse of what a real father would act like now and then and it makes me hopeful, but then he starts in and I end up saying I’ve got to go and dashing out as fast as I can. I feel very guilty as he now lives near me and I am afraid to go and see him. I get anxiety if I’m even in the vacinity of his AL. I don’t want him to be asked to leave because he’s causing problems because I agitate him, but I also don’t want him to feel abandoned. I probably sound nuts! After how he’s treated his children you’d think it would be easy to write him off, but somehow it’s not! I guess I’m ill-equipped to deal with the hand I’ve been dealt and I desperately need advice from someone who knows what I’m talking about. Please help!