My parents are living with me, and both have dementia. But mom is being so mean to dad. What can I do? - AgingCare.com

My parents are living with me, and both have dementia. But mom is being so mean to dad. What can I do?

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My 88 year old mom tells him she does not love him and does not want to live with him anymore. she yells "SHUT UP" at him when he tries to say something. She tells him he is a liar and a sorry human being. She is very judgmental telling him he will "bust hell wide open". She is on a anti depressant. I seemed to work for a few weeks but 5 days ago it was like turning on a switch. We want to talk to her about but we are afraid we will set her off even more. What can we do?

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Checking for a UTI and discussing the change in her behavior with the doctor that manages her meds are both good starting points.

Because of the dementia you can't expect your dad to understand that mother's behavior is driven by her illness. And you certainly can't reason your mother out of her behavior. I don't see any point in talking to her about it. Even if she agrees with you she probably won't remember the next time she sees her husband.

Can you keep them apart most of the time? Do they have separate bedrooms? Could they have in your home? (I know that is a lot to ask.) If medical intervention doesn't help, ultimately the way to separate them is to place one (or both) in an appropriate care facility.

And just in case you have any doubts, this is Not Your Fault.
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Noland, since this change just happened, have your Mom checked for an Urinary Tract Infection as such infections can cause an elder to become hostile and uncooperative. Take Mom to her primary doctor, or you can go to an urgent care center where they are able to the test while you wait.

Next, you need to arm yourself with all the knowledge you can about memory issues, the more you know the better you will be able to spot new situations and realize this is this part of the dementia journey. Both your parents may experience the same issues or each have their own separate dementia issues.

Scroll down to the bottom of the page to the blue section... on your left your will see ALZHEIMER'S CARE... click on that and read everything you see there, even if it says Alzheimer's, as it is also part of dementia.
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This is a tough one, since they both have dementia. It's important that you protect your Father. One or both of them may need placement.
Blessings,
Jamie
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Are you sure she is still taking (and swallowing) the meds that were helping her?? If so, I'd talk with the doctor to see if a change in meds is appropriate. Due to the dementia, you can't talk with her or reason with her.
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