Mom is 88 and has Dementia, COPD, Parkinson, some Alzheimers and is now bedridden. She eats well but at times will not open her mouth to eat and today looked at me and asked me "what do you want me to do?" After requesting her to open her mouth so she could eat; she did not. She eats other meals during the day.

At times it gets very frustrating, but I have come to just say OK and walk away and not let it get to me.

What have others done in this instance? Been doing this going on 7 years and this is one thing that pushes a button.

Thanks a million!

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Thank you to all who have answered! The support is amazing! I let her sleep for a while and she ate a whole can of chicken noodle soup and some chocolate pudding and whip cream! Thanks!
Helpful Answer (1)

I wouldn't worry about it. Let the food there for 1/2 hour, then pick it up. Go about your business, and let her be.
Helpful Answer (1)

As long as she's eating at other times, I agree that there's no need for you to even consider being upset that she doesn't always want to eat. Offer and let her be disagreeable about it if that's what she wants. I would be at least a little annoyed, but I can also see that it is even a little bit funny for her to act like a bratty kid! Kind of silly, right?
Helpful Answer (2)

Doesn't it drive you nuts?! My grandmother didn't have dementia, but was always an anxious, nervous person. Was wheelchair bound, so anytime we had a meal with her we'd fix her a plate and bring it to her. Would put a little of everything on it so she'd have all the options right there. And 95% of the time, the second we set the plate in front of her, she'd frown, close her eyes and turn away from it. Like she couldn't stand to look at it, even though it was food she liked. You'd have thought we'd set rat poison in front of her. She'd eat some of it eventually. Once we took her out for her birthday, got what she wanted... midway through dinner my mother asked her how she liked her food. She said, "I don't care for it." She had depression too, but she'd never admit to it and refused meds.

I don't have advice really, since your mother has dementia/alz and mine didn't (different brain processes). In my grandmother's case, she was often defiant and angry-- about what, who knows-- but she had little control in most every aspect of her life and she hated that. Eating or not eating was her means of controlling something. And she was always worried about her looks and weight, despite never being fat.

Sounds like you're doing the right thing by walking away. Can't force her to eat and if she is consciously playing games, you're not obliged to play along. If she eats otherwise, she'll be okay.
Helpful Answer (0)

If your mother doesn't want to eat, don't try to make her eat. Offer her the food for a reasonable length of time, and then if she doesn't want it take it away. I know you're already doing that, so really I'm just agreeing with you - why do you think this is still so frustrating for you?

Is she able to feed herself?
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