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My 90 year old father lives with my husband and me. He is in the later stages of Dementia, is now on palitive care. He does not know who I am. I make food for him 3 times a day and lots of snacks in between. He no longer is interested in anything. Just now is on medication to help sleep at night. He still has sundowning and raids the fridge and anything else in site.


If there are bananas on the counter he will eat the whole bunch not just one.


I have taken everything out of my fridge that I think he could get into and the last time I caught him getting into the butter! In another post the coffee mate. I leave plenty of Glucerna shake for him to drink, but he wants more. He is also diabetic and low sodium diet too so the snacks reflect this. My sisters say just let him have whatever he wants but they are not the ones that would have to take him to the ER when that happens.


I feel like I try so hard to do things right and it is still not enough. I’m exhausted, I went ahead and got on medication to help me with my stress. I think on one hand he is bored but on the other hand any activity I try to come up with he is not interested in. I have not read on other post about people wanting to eat everything and anything. Do I go ahead and let him do this and put his body in overload? Since we all know what the out come will be someday. I don’t even know if this is normal or not?


My fridge items are now in the garage which is very cold right now and this gets me a little miffed every time I need to get something to cook. Along with pantry items to putting a note on the cabinets work sometimes, meaning sometimes he can figure it out and open it. Do I go ahead and let him eat? I’m so confused.

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If I had to guess, I would say that the disease is working on the part of the brain that tells us when we are hungry or full.

I would put a lock on the fridge and maybe a few cabinets, but I would leave one or two cabinets unlock leaving some of the foods he can have. This way he is not locked out of everything, but yet, he can still eat at night and not get into anything that could hurt him. I think this might make you feel better.
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Reply to Shell38314
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Not to be unfeeling but the outcome is going to be the same whether you let him eat or not.

If he has foods that end him in the ER obviously you would not let him have free access but there are tons of safe foods that he can eat. Maybe get some high fiber foods in every meal and snack to see if this curbs his hunger.

At some point quality trumps quantity. He is on palliative care and from what you describe really has no meaningful quality of life.

I am sorry that you are going through this, it is hard to watch our loved ones fade away in front of our eyes. Pick your battles and let things go that don't change anything but your blood pressure.
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Reply to Isthisrealyreal
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I concur with the locks. There are also large Velcro banners used in memory care, the good ones, which are about 4 feet long with big stop sign. Those might be helpful.

They are in my mom's memory care.
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Reply to Segoline
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I agree with OldSailor. As long as Dad isn’t making himself physically ill, let him eat. There are pantry/cabinet and refrigerator locks you can buy so your food doesn’t have to be in the garage.
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Reply to Ahmijoy
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I feed my wife almost anything she will eat. She won't open cabinets or the fridge. She has been losing weight and I am trying to slow that down.
I wouldn't worry as long as there are no food allergies involved.
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Reply to OldSailor
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