How to deal with jealousy?

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Hubby having severe jealousy issues about my mother. We moved back to the area where my family lives as my mother had a mild stroke 1 year ago. She doesn't drive so I take care of her needs. My brother helps on occasion as well. I see her every other week and sometimes have her spend the night with my husbands o.k. He believes I am obsessed with my mother, which is not true and that we do not include him when she comes over, again not true. He has admitted that he is jealous of her, which really saddens me and at times gets into a raging fit over her. He has dementia, not severe, but his perception of reality does get twisted and of course usually to his concept. There cannot even be a reasonable discussion concerning my mother as he errupts with nasty opinions. I may add that this has put a huge strain on our marriage as he constantly threatens me with divorce. I am to the point of wondering how much more I can take, I feel constant anxiety and doctor visits are progressing very slowly. Any advice?

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BarbBrooklyn has it exactly right! You are not obsessed with your mother; your husband is, and that is part of his brain disease. No amount of reasoning will change that. And no amount of arguing will help.

Can you find ways to reassure him, and agree with him? "You are right. I am spending more time with Mother just now. I am so lucky to have a great husband, and she does not. She needs a little extra attention, but you are the one I love more than anything in the world."

One thing that might help is time. Often the obsessions go away on their own and/or are replaced with other obsessions. Could your brother step up a little more while your husband's focus is on your mother?

And, of course, discuss this with his doctor.
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Heavyheart; you have a LOT on your plate!

Rather than asking how to deal with jealousy, I think you need to be asking how to deal with your husband's "broken brain". He's lost his reasoning ability. He thinks kind of like a 4 year old. He wants ALL of your attention. You are NOT going to be able to reason with him or make him see YOUR point of view.

You can talk to his doctor and see if there are meds that will calm his obsession and agitation. You can watch Teepa Snow and Naomi Feil videos about how to deal with dementia patients. What you CAN'T do is reason him out of his feelings.
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