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So many hard decision I have had to make. I am used to making majority of the Major decisions during our 35 years of marriage since he never wanted to make decisions It’s the disconnect of my husband that bothers me most. I did hire a company to come in and clean the home one time but husband was unhappy about them coming in so I found myself a bit snippy with him stating that well I want it done so they will do what was asked of them. Felt bad being so firm with him. I thank everyone for their response to my post and hope that during this painstaking time in my life doesn’t change who I am in the long run. I always say I’ll bounce back .... will I ? or am I fooling myself that I have the stamina for all this.
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Reply to Roses9

Yep, respite care for you, and the very best and most forthright counseling you can find for yourself as well.
When things have gotten anywhere near as difficult for me as your situation is for you, I would wind up “spinning”- focusing on a zillion negative outcomes at once, and becoming totally unable to make good choices for myself OR my dependents.
Tough no nonsense counselors would reduce my messy situations to black and white, and then I could get through them and choose from a manageable number of choices what both my dependent and I too needed to happen next.
Are you considering the fact that you don’t always have to make a “good” decision when it comes to your husband’s care?
Sometimes in the face of terrible illness there are NO good solutions. When that happens, your job becomes making the best bad choice you have access to, then living with your choice, and knowing that you did the best you could.
Your situation is one of the most poignant I’ve seen here. I am so touched to read of your desire not to have your husband leave you, as he is, in inches. So honest of you to acknowledge that happening in your life.
Have you any access to some free or low cost help from local social service agencies or religious institutions in managing you home upkeep, grocery shopping /meal preparation/laundry/leaf raking etc.?
Would some small reductions in the logistical burdens that you’re living within help you fo feel a little more empowered?
After 3 years of relatively little sleep and constant worry over 2 dependents 89 years apart in age, I’ve begun taking music lessons. The combination of a flood of endorphins with the social support of a bunch of other wacky old band geeks can sometimes pull me back from the edge of despair. Time to try some small goofy centering distraction, no matter how far fetched it seems?
Hugs to you, and back pats, and affirming nods and lots of positive thoughts.
You deserve whatever can be good to come to you.
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Reply to AnnReid

Yes, your husband needs medical care but you need respite care. Caring for others is exhausting work and you sound worn out.

Is it possible for you to call an agency to help so you can get some rest and a change of scenery sometimes too.

Your husband will adjust to having someone else helping out.

Take care.
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Reply to NeedHelpWithMom

Can you hire outside? Because hospice won’t come every day for hours at a time. They provide little hands on care. The brunt of the work is left to family or hired caregivers.
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Reply to worriedinCali

I am so incredibly sorry you are both going through this. Make it clear that the hospice folks are there to help YOU as much as him, tell him you love him and you are going through this together and you need their help. Tell him they will be able to best assess what he needs for HIS comfort and HIS care. Tell him that you personally need the help and will be getting the help. Again, so very sorry for you both in this situation and wishing you best passage and good supportive care.
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Reply to AlvaDeer

Geaton is right...............this is not only about what your husband 'wants''s about what is needed by BOTH of you. Please take some of her suggestions to make things a bit easier for yourself through this difficult period.

Sending hugs & best wishes your way
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Reply to lealonnie1

Roses, at this point you need to do what helps you. Think about 1 or 2 things you would gladly give over to a service and then hire them. House cleaning? Online frozen meal delivery? In-home caregiver/companion for your husband? Whatever it takes and is affordable. Make sure you are also allowing yourself a social life or activity, hobby, exercise. Are you part of a faith community, like church or synagogue? Ask the leadership for help. Someone to occasionally come to sit with your husband so you can get out for some Me Time. You are carrying a huge responsibility taking care of a must take care of yourself, too! Blessings!
Helpful Answer (3)
Reply to Geaton777

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