Ever since he was born, I have looked after my almost 8 yo nephew. It started with me looking after him several hours and days a week. Then when he got to 6 months old, my mother and I would look after him every weekend at my mother’s house and on several days in the week. For the past couple of years, I have looked after him every weekend at my house. I have taken him on day trips, on camping trips, helped home school him. I have a lot of time and energy towards him. Around 6 weeks ago my sister decided that she just wanted me to take him to his Saturday morning classes and then drop him back at home. I refused. I didn’t want to be used for just ferrying him around on a Saturday morning. I had been doing that for the past year or so but he had then spent time at my house before and after his classes. He enjoyed coming, we played games etc. She then got my brother to take him to Saturday morning classes. I have been cast aside and made redundant. I haven’t seen my nephew for 6 weeks now. I am not welcome at my sister’s house. She is a toxic, controlling bully and always has been. She has invited all other family members to his birthday party except me. I am hurt. It’s either her way or the highway. How can I be the bigger person in this situation? Perhaps I made a mistake by not acquiescing to her demands and to carry on having some kind of relationship, I should have done what she asked.
Your sister didn't raise her son, you and Mom did. Seems to me she just wants no responsibility. I did the babysitting thing for both grands, one now 8. One to daycare at 2 the other 3. My DD is an RN so I had the oldest every other weekend. He also went on trips with us. But, my DD was aware that if we had plans, they would not be cancelled to watch grandsons.
Yes, we r a forum of mostly Caregivers but nice to have something different to answer to. If that nephew has a cell phone, he will call. Send a present via someone else. Just sign card Love Aunt C.
When my grandson was born, my husband's work schedule changed and I was free (for the summer) from 5.30 am on. Through happy circumstance, my daughter and I fell into a schedule where I came to their apartment, held, fed, read to Smudge so they could shower and get ready for work. In the Fall when I returned to work, this got modified a bit, but still a mostly every day occasion.
I changed jobs and this early morning gig was no longer possible. We agreed on a one afternoon a week pickup from Daycare and library time before heading home. Sometimes to his house, sometimes to mine.
He went to kindergarten and the schedule morphed again. An afternoon at Nona's doing cooking or making art.
He is now in 4th grade and he has occasional sleepovers here. I ferry him to an afterschool activity once a week.
My point? Life changes. Kids change. Schedules change.
Your sister's child is HER child and it's her right to determine with whom and how much time he spends with others.
She may be bossy and controlling. But I think the idea that you have "rights" here is a bit beyond reasonable.
8 year old boys can be tempermental creatures. My Smudge got a bit moody and uncommunicative last year, mostly playing video games, rather than doing arts and crafts or baking. I followed his lead. Your nephew may be going through a phase where he wants to stick close to mom, or hang out more with friends. I'd back off, in your shoes.
I know how this feels because my nephew was like a son to me. He came to live with my mother and myself when he was 5 years old. He's 17 now. My mother who I'm forced to be a caregiver to and who I'll describe as an abusive narcissist (this is a compliment to her) has managed to turn my nephew against me. She worked her gaslighting and manipulation on him turning herself into a victim of course and I'm the villain. This kid is the one person in the world that I love the most, and she got to him.
I am so sorry for the pain your sister has caused you. She is a toxic, controlling bully. You sound like you've got a lot of love to give and there's a lot of kids out there who need some. Please consider contacting the Big Brothers/Big Sisters organization and volunteer to become one to a kid who needs somebody. God bless and I wish you peace and healing.
I can’t sort out my own sister, so I doubt if I can help much more with yours!
Why were things allowed to start back up? Because the boys kept wanting an explanation on WHY they couldn't see or talk to their aunt. It boiled over when they wondered what I had got them for Christmas and were talking about some past presents and how I always got them the best presents, always a surprise but always something they loved. My brother and SIL finally either got tired of trying to explain their position or felt guilty enough over what they were denying their children. Or maybe they just wanted their free babysitting hours back.
Maybe in time she will soften and let you see him again.
My mom was there for her sister, went with her on trips so she would not go alone, even went to her graduation.
Now that mom is gone, have not heard from this sister and don't expect to. The thing is, she started contacting mom, only after mom's brother passed. When he was alive, she never contacted us. He was nice enough to be there for her daughter and she.