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Yes, everyone here is part of an online support group. I have been here about seven years, there are some that have been here longer than I.

When I found this site I was a year into four years of being 24/7 for my mom with Alzheimer's. She was moved to a facility almost four years ago. And I am still here, as are others that their caring years have ended. My mom passed a year and a half ago.

It was such a relief to me to find this group. Always very supportive and knew so much more than I did.

So, welcome ksk and others will come along. There is so much knowledge and compassionate understanding from others on this site. I don't know what I would have done without them.
Helpful Answer (9)
Reply to gladimhere

This is an online support group! - so, everyone; and does it help? More than I can say. I'm sure I wouldn't still be standing if I hadn't stumbled over AC five years ago.

How does it help... If I had to narrow it down to one immediate benefit, it's that getting in touch with this brilliant community at once stops you feeling lost and alone. Where you go from there is up to you, but for information, ideas, perspectives, shared experience, comfort when you need it, and some excellent jokes it is unbeatable.
Helpful Answer (8)
Reply to Countrymouse

I would say everyone here has experienced emotional trauma if they have been a caretaker for any length of time. It comes with the territory. When one is dealing with loved ones in decline, no matter how much help you do or don’t have, how pleasant or negative the individual, how handicapped or mobile they are, caretakers pay a price. Emotional. Physical. Economical. It can suck the life from you. No one understands that better than a fellow caregiver or one who has been there.
There are differences of opinion here, different levels of expertise. Some folks get on another’s last nerve. Some are mean girls. Some become friends. Some are educated by degree, others by hard knocks. There are many many differences representing different cultures and countries but they all give of their time in an effort to assist the poster with the questions they ask and with an understanding that we are all (mostly) just trying to do our best to help our loved ones as they age and to learn from one another.
You’ll have to decide for yourself if you find the answers helpful. The more specific your questions, the better the answers generally speaking.
I personally haven’t had experience in feeding bed bound patients so I might not have useful information on a question you might post, but you can bet there are others here who have had.
It sounds very hard to me to do what you are doing. I hope you have help and a chance to get away from time to time. You can come here anytime and check in to ask questions, to vent or to just hang out and see what others are dealing with. I hope it helps.
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Reply to 97yroldmom
PharSytid Jan 22, 2019
BRAVO! Well said my friend. Regardless of differences of opinions, etc., here, there is a united, unconditional fellowship that is imperative to us all.
Yes, it helps. Not sure how I would've gotten through the roughly 6 years I was caregiving to my grandmother briefly, but then she passed after 1st year, and then longer caregiving time of my father.

There are some Question threads on this site that are for the purpose of ongoing emotional support of caregivers and they're open to anyone who wants to participate and post in them.

My caregiving days are over, my dad's in a Senior Apt in a different city now and other family has stepped in to help him. I still come around this site to participate in some general socializing and moral support, and try to offer suggestions and support where I can.

I found this site invaluable during caregiving for technical questions and emotional support.
Helpful Answer (6)
Reply to AliBoBali

AgingCare is my support group. I found this sight almost a year ago, out of desperation. Seeking others that were going through what I am. Caregiving is an emotional roller coaster. The people that "meet" here are very helpful and supportive, and tell it like it is.Even if we need to just have regular or goofy conversation, to relieve our minds of the seriousness of our lives, that is done here as well.
I am so blessed to have found this site and the individuals here.
I love my AgingCare Family.
Helpful Answer (6)
Reply to smeshque

This is my online support group. The people here are wonderful. They have supported me through the hardest time in my life when my MIL was on hospice and they have provided so much invaluable advice, insight and knowledge.

My MIL has been gone almost 7 months now and things have changed pretty unexpectedly. At first, it looked like I was going to be tasked with being my FILs caregiver. He moved out here 6 weeks after MIL (his ex wife) died and we did not know he was in such poor shape (cancer). I am not mentally capable of taking on that role and I am also choosing to put my family first, My husband and I have young children that just watched their beloved grandmother whither away into nothing and now my husband is no longer totally able-bodied is totally out of the question now. I won’t do it. I am putting US first.

I think I am now transitioning into my husband’s caregiver. He has put off back surgery for 3 years. It is a work injury so it’s workers comp case. Since November it has just been a total s*** show. His Norco rx was terminated, they said he was on it too long. He requested to have the surgery and was told they couldn’t put in a request because his last MRI was 2 years ago. He asked for an MRI and the incompetent PA he sees monthly for pain management, put in the request that he does not want surgery and wants to keep working so of course the MRI was denied! He contacted her as soon as we got our copy of the denial and asked her to fix it and resubmit it. And again, it was denied because that idiot copied the erroneous statement that should have been removed, and pasted it on to the request! So his lawyer had to get involved to get that fixed and finally he will have an MRI this Friday. So it’s just been a nightmare having him in excruciating pain and without pain meds. There has been a lot of verbal abuse and angry outbursts and there are times I wish I could leave! He is officially out of work as well. He is in law enforcement and took his usual 2 weeks off in December but hasn’t been able to return and may never return. He spent the last week laying face down on our bed (that position causes the least amount of pain). Each week that he is out of work, he has to check in with a doctor at an urgent care clinic and they treat him like a drug addict there! They all say they can see he’s in pain and can hardly walk but they consider him an addict.

He will not let me help him at all. He hasn’t visited his dad in the hospital for over a week because it’s too get to walk from the car to his room. He won’t let me drive so I can drop him at the front entrance and then go park the car. He can hardly move in the mornings. But I have to pick up the slack every where else. I do everything around the house and tend to the kids. The only thing he has let me do was put on his socks one morning when he had an early appointment, because he couldn’t bend over to get them on.

hopefully surgery is the next step because he cannot live like this. I don’t know how much more he can take. It’s been 2 months since they took away the Norco. If he does get the surgery then he is going to have to accept it and allow me to physically care for him because it’s going to be a long, difficult recovery.

This has take quite a toll on me mentally and physically. I am angry at the doctor that treats him like an addict. Angry at the PA that caused the MRI to be delayed by over a month. My husband may never work again. I am terrified they will deny him a surgery because.....he can’t live like this. I am terrified he will do what many others in this situation are doing-which is killing themselves!! I am terrified of losing him. It kills me seeing him like this knowing there’s nothing I can do to help him. My kids.....they have been great but they aren’t used to dad being in bed all the time :(
Helpful Answer (3)
Reply to worriedinCali
polarbear Jan 22, 2019
worriedInCali - so sorry for your husband's condition. I really hope the surgery will help. I'd be terrified, too, if something happens to my husband. We also have young kids.
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This is actually an online support group. It has made a hugely beneficial impact on my life and I am grateful for everyone here. The smart and generous people who visit and take time to consider your questions and provide thoughtful answers and insight are what make it so good. Visit just to read posts and get ideas, or to vent about what you are going through to others who understand. I find it invaluable and cannot imagine being on this road without the benefit this site has given me.
Helpful Answer (3)
Reply to GingerMay

I would say yes...but as I have learned here that if you respond to a question you need to be prepared for a variety of responses you many not consider supportive...of course here is not exactly claiming to be a support group. What's good about on-line is that you don't need to be physically present somewhere and can work it in as able. I am not a support group kind of person, but found one for adult children of those with dementia and it clicked for me. I went to one that was more general and found that being in the company of spouses made it hard to speak out about the issues as an adult child. It also was a bit "clique-ish". But the current group has some really terrific people. If you know of any on-line ones, please mention them!
Helpful Answer (1)
Reply to gdaughter

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