How long can I resist?

Our Health system is probably lots different then yours. We have Medicaid here that helps with getting facility care for our LOs when its too much for us.

We have Office of Aging to help with resources and Social Services. If you have something similar I would check it out. If Mom has Dementia she should not be left alone. They are unpredictable. Your energy should be aimed toward your teenager. These are years you can't recover.

Has it occurred to you that you may have reached your limitations? Your joke tickled me, but it is unfortunately true. I don't know what to say to you. Your therapist, if he or she is any good will guide you in the decisions you must make now for your Mom and your own life, and will help you with acceptance. Remember, the word is GRIEF, not guilt. Guilt assumes that there is something other you could do, and grief recognizes that you have little you can do given you are a human and not a Saint. Saints are lovely. We can shoot them full of arrows, kill them, and then spend eternity praying to them to fix everything. But is is a bad job to apply for.
I think you are coming to a knowledge that this cannot go on much longer. Ask your therapist to help you with acceptance in this life passage. You have a decision. Sacrifice your own life to your mother, or have a life, and do the best for your Mom as you are able.

All of us in areas of severe Covid numbers feel like you do about the change this awful disease has made in our lives.

You have the additional concerns of caring for someone who is very ill.

You owe it to yourself to FIND OUT about care alternatives in your area, so that as your mother’s condition progresses, you can do whatever you can to keep her safe and comfortable, but ALSO provide for yourself, spouse, and child.

Although services in your area may be very overworked because of the Covid crisis, you may find that even having a “visitor” to keep her company may help you feel better yourself. Knowing what resources may become available in the future may help you deal with the stress you are feeling now.

It is easy to forget, when caring for a Loved One with serious needs, that you have a responsibility FOR YOURSELF, and for the rest of your family. Sometimes in a situation like yours, we fall into the habit of letting the care of our elderly become so important that we forget.

It is wonderful that you are seeing a psychologist. It is very hard to accept that we cannot always do all that we want to in the face of serious illness. If you make decisions with love and consideration and also with all of the information you have about your mother’s situation AND what you can do to balance those decisions with the needs of the rest of the family living together with her, you can be at peace that you have done your best.

Welcome here!