How is everyone handling the holidays? My grief has come to a head.

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My grief for my mom and my brother have taken over my mind and life. Everything is falling apart. I gave even considered taking my own life. I am useless. I can't remember anything no matter if I heard it 5 min ago. I can't sleep. Lost my job, losing my wife. I know what's right but I am driven by some unforseen force. I know I shouldn't think like that, but I can't stop my mind from doing it. It's has control. I'm not here to get attention and I don't want anyone feeling sorry for me. I just had to tell someone. I want to go with them. I'm not gonna make it through Christmas at this pace. I've never know suffering like this. I know something is wrong but I don't know how to get my brain and thoughts back from the dark place where they are. Anyway thanks for listening. I was on here before and I was so glad for all the kind words but the closer Christmas gets the colder I am. God help me.

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The Holidays and any event focusing on "the family" is rough. I lost my father 8.5 years ago and it still feels like I lost him the morning of the day I feel the pain from his loss, which still happens to this day. I promise you, there will be a day when you will be better at handling the pain because, at least for me, the pain will always be there but as the years go by I'm better able to handle it. You need to let yourself feel the waves of pain - over and over...and over - in order to heal. Let yourself cry - hard - until it hurts and your coughing. And continue to do this - even if it's months from now. When I'm having a bad day, I think about how my father would've handled the situation and I work hard to learn from my experience and hope that whatever lessons I did learn that day will make me a better person for it, thus making my father proud. As you work through the grief, there may be a time when you'll want to do something good in your mother's and brother's name. Think about what was important to your mother and brother, and maybe you can carry this legacy as part of your healing process. I'm finally at this point in my life. I'm working hard so I can become successful and establish a college scholarship in my father's name because education was very important him. I'm now solo caregiving my elderly mother. I want to open up an animal rescue group in her name because pets have been instrumental in her healing process after my father died. You'll be okay, I promise. It's just going to take time and it's different for everyone.
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dear MMeredith the amount of stress and grief you are feeling is huge but there is hope. Firstly please realise that you are loved by your family, especially your children. At times we don't pick up on cues and get so caught up in our own worlds we don't always let people know how deeply we love them. If you Harmed yourself Your children will not get over it and I'm sure they would want to grow old with you. Trust me you are valued. Please call the suicide prevention line and Please see a psychotherapist. When I found myself depressed and stressed many years ago when my father first became ill I didn't think I could make it through the day. A friend urged me to see someone. With medication and therapy I began to manage the baby steps of getting through each day. The medication balanced the fluids in my synapses that the stress had caused to be unbalanced. I know everyone is different but there are physically changes and imbalances that probably need A doctor to evaluate. We cannot do this by willpower alone. Talking to someone who didn't know me personally also helped. My father passed on dec 5 th 18 years ago and I feel him close to my heart every day. I have learned to focus on feeling blessed that I had him as my dad. I miss him daily. It is because he was so special and we had a really close relationship. I was very lucky. I cuddled him as he passed as I did with my gma and as my mum is nearing the end of her journey I hope I am there at the end. These are hard hard moments in life and I feel for your situation and know something of what you are going through. Because I loved each of them so much I wanted to be there at the end. Not everyone can or wants to do this. You are strong to have been there for your mum at that time. There are many on this forum who are going through this or who have been through this. Saying this is not meant to diminish what you are going through but to say we are here to listen and support. We can understand some of what you are going through. Grief is very personal we all have a way of dealing/not coping too well. It's going to take time. Just try to take one baby step at a time but I think you need someone to suggest the next baby step. Please keep talking to us
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I will tell you that holidays are the worst times for some suffering from clinical depression disease and other mood diseases. I'm not saying this is you. Don't get me wrong. Hang in there and simplify Christmas for yourself as much as you can!
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When I'm feeling like I don't want to live, I remember, "Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem." My grandmother and two great-uncles on opposite sides of the family all committed suicide. It's not a path you want to travel. I know it's hard to understand in your grief with so many people dying but death is a part of life. I have/had a lot of animals, and I've lost tons of them. Instead of focusing on what you lost, think of what you had with them while they were alive. My mother died two years ago but I dream about her all the time, and she's still giving me grief! We are still alive, and where there is life, there is hope. I hope you can find something to help snap you out of your depression. It may be therapy or medication but, for the most part, it's usually yourself. I'm decorating for Christmas with hundreds of things, 95% of which, my mother bought, and I remember her joy about this thing and that, and I become her.
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You are doing the right thing by reaching out and sharing! We are all sending you love and caring. These people have good suggestions, too.... Take good care of YOURSELF, just like you took good care of your mother. Do one little thing for yourself today. You can do it!
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The holidays are so difficult when you have lost someone. The only way to get through it, is to get through it and eventually it gets better. But it sounds like you have too much on your plate and Christmas when you are lonely is depressing. Losing your wife as well, that is even harder because divorce is not final, meaning that person is still around to remind you of what you have lost. (been there, done that - it feels like a personal failure more than loss by death). It sounds like you need to see a doctor to get some help, at least for the short term some sort of antidepressant until such time as you can figure out where your life is going. Please call the suicide hotline and talk to someone every time you feel like that. Keeping it all in is not the answer.
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Mmerdith, trust me, no one can understand what you're going through except someone who is going through the same thing. No doctor, grief counselor, therapist, so-called friends, or even your wife knows what it feels like. But I do.

I lost my mom in September. She was the most precious thing in the world to me. My dad died when I was only 4, and my mom raised me all by herself. I am an only child ( a son) who never married and spent my whole life together with my mom. I have feelings just like yours. I have never experienced so much suffering in my life. For me, it's been a matter of getting through day by day. A day does not pass that I don't break down in episodes of uncontrolled crying.

As Christmas approaches, I don't know how I am going to make it through this. Everything about Christmas seems to heighten my sense of loss and lonliness. I want to be with my mom and my family celebrating Christmas in heaven, not here alone.

You have already found the answer that you are seeking in your last sentence, God help me! The only thing that has gotten me through thus far is my faith in God. My faith has grown substantially and now I realize that the most important thing you can do in this life is to believe in God and trust in His Divine Mercy.

The only person that I have been able to confide in has been a priest. He did not come into my life by chance, but was sent because someone knew that I needed help. He may not feel what I'm feeling, but somehow he understands and is leading me in the right direction to God. The faith is already in me. He is acting as a guide to lead me.

Mmerdith, seek out a clergyman who can relate to your situation. Many cannot. It may be a good idea for your wife to meet with him also so that she can better understand what you are experiencing. If she refuses, go on your own. Trust me, it is the only thing that has helped me.

The only consolation that I can offer is that your mom and brother are in peace, in a good place. You don't have to worry about them anymore. They are with God. Your focus should be living the type of life that will reunite you with them one day. Think about what I have told you. It is coming from my heart. Maybe someone knows that you need help. May God bless us all!!
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Anyone who threatens or EVEN mentions suicide needs help immediately. Only psychiatrists can prescribe pills but counselors or support groups don't. I would suggest finding a support group specifically for the loss of loved ones. I just passed a church the other day that had a banner out that said that very thing. There are so many of us that are just numb or stunned at our situations. I take care of my dad 93, my mom dem/alz., my sister passed away 3 years ago which almost killed me and our son lives with us along with his 2 kids which adds to chaos. Someone mentioned PTSD and that's exactly what it is. Your body goes into shock. Some people can handle it and others curl up. PLEASE look for a support group and keep talking. It really does help HOWEVER, you might also need some medication to help get you over this hump. Good Luck and God Bless.
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You are experiencing extreme caretaker burnout. I have felt the same and could not understand why I felt suicidal. Please take some time off or it will destroy you as it has me.
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Mmeredith, please do call the suicide prevention hot line, talk to your doctor, talk to your wife, and yes, if necessary, see a psychiatrist for help. The stereotype of a psychiatrist as someone who has you lie down on a couch and tell them about your childhood is no longer valid. They are very knowledgeable about medicines that can provide relief from the intense suffering you are going through, so that you can grieve and heal. You have been through the wringer, so treat yourself kindly. And come back here to share again. It really helps to know how others are feeling and to realize that you are not alone.
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