My grief for my mom and my brother have taken over my mind and life. Everything is falling apart. I gave even considered taking my own life. I am useless. I can't remember anything no matter if I heard it 5 min ago. I can't sleep. Lost my job, losing my wife. I know what's right but I am driven by some unforseen force. I know I shouldn't think like that, but I can't stop my mind from doing it. It's has control. I'm not here to get attention and I don't want anyone feeling sorry for me. I just had to tell someone. I want to go with them. I'm not gonna make it through Christmas at this pace. I've never know suffering like this. I know something is wrong but I don't know how to get my brain and thoughts back from the dark place where they are. Anyway thanks for listening. I was on here before and I was so glad for all the kind words but the closer Christmas gets the colder I am. God help me.