My mom had seizures in her brain in July of 2015. She was in a coma or vegative state and in the hospital 3weeks. I stayed with her and slept very very little and ate very little. I loved my mom more than she would ever know. Then we took her home thru hospice. It 5ook her three days to pass away. I slept for 6 hrs the whole 3 days. I passed out by her bed for that. I didn't want 5o be asleep when she left. Even though I told her she could go I didn't want her to. We lost my older brother several years ago to an accident and we had never been the same. Mom and dad had grieved so much. In that 3 weeks she hadn't spoke other than involuntary vocalizations, and hadn't moved her hands. She had opened her eyes as an involuntary nerve movement but didn't respond at all. In the last hour of so of her life I got up to go get a drink and have a quick smoke, but when I tried to let go of her hand she clasped mine. I thought it was my imagination but she did, she pulled me as if to say don't go. In the last minute of her life she muttered something . Over and over with her eyes open and set in a gaze toward the ceiling. Finally she said her last words. She said God, God, and she died. I am a 39 year old man with a wife and 3 kids. I had a job that I had for 11 years now it's gone. I can't remember anything anyone tells me or anything I watch on tv. I don't sleep much, and don't get hungry. My dad is a Vietnam vet and in early stages of dementia. We had to move him in with us. Now Christmas and Thanksgiving. I can't do it any more. I hide in my room and I can't be happy. I can't sit still and I can't relax. I'm ready to give up. To make the whole thing worse a good friend and Co worker named Derrick had his mom die a week before mine. We had been consoling each other. Then a few days after we buried mom he came into work and died. I was ask to pall bear at his funeral and I did. It hurt. I wanted to die too. Still do at times. I'm at the end of my rope. What do I do? How do I get over this? Mom died Sept 16. I'm still hurting as much as then. Thank you for listening. It helps to vent. And thanks for any advice.