I have been retired as nurse for 2 yrs--worked for 31 years and in that 2 yrs, had heart stent, brother died in Feb. and have had my mom who has alzheimers for 2 months. Sister in law has more or less gone her way and will pop in for mom a little now and then. We have never gotten along and to top it off has lied to me about brother leaving money for mom
My brother and she also told me he had left some money for me and mom, but everything was left to her in will. When I asked her about this, she said she misspoke and that if anything was left after she died then we might get something. Said she didn't know I was in dire need. Well mom gets about 1000 a month soc security , but not the point. If I have to place her in nursing home, they will take all but 50 dollars and there are things she will need., My brother has around a million , I know of. I have been single most of my life and am still buying home and have helped mom through the yrs as she never had formal education and raised us working in retail stores. Can someone tell me am I being wrong to expect something? I am paying neighbor 8 dollars an hour just so I can get out. Alzheimers assoc has cut funds and long waiting list for anything. I told my sil I didn't appreciate her Lying to me and now she is not speaking to me. My mom still wants to see her and I called her once and gave phone to mom. Sil has been in Scotland last month and my mom called her July3 and mom said she just got back and would call her later. Im sure she spent this time with her children. She is 70 yrs old and very controlling.Should I tell her that she will have to talk with me as to when she can see mom, since mom is forgetful and I have to arrange sitters, etc. I have no other family, children, etc just a few friends.I cant stand the idea of even hearing her voice, but don't want to block mom fromseeing her if that is what she wants

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Hey there,
I agree with trycope and by all means tell your sil that you have to have a heads up when she is coming because of the logistics.
Sorry about the money issue. People do insane things for money as we all know.

As far as the anger goes one of the things that have been effective is venting.
When we can't do anything about anything sometimes it's just good to gripe.

The odds of you getting any cash out of your sil are skinny and there's no respite on the horizon from the organizations because of cutbacks.
You are brilliant to invest in your neighbor so you can get out and about.

Try venting the anger here and I bet you will have quite a few show up and share.
You are a nurse and you have seen the elephant. You know sometimes you just have to gripe with other people who get it.

There are so many people here who have been ripped off and hurt by their families and in laws that it's criminal and if there are any answers out there to your issues they will speak up.
Cold comfort but at least you know you are in stellar company.

Good luck to you and I hope you keep writing it out.

Helpful Answer (1)

perhaps you can arrange lt so the SlL vlslts and you can leave....just say lovely you are here l have errands to run so l know you can see to mom whlle lm out!... go out and do somethlng fun for a few hours!
Helpful Answer (1)

I'm sorry that your having to go through this with family members! Unfortunately this happens a lot in families. One minute a person is nice to your face. Then when a loved on dies, they turn into greedy mongers. I have even seen it in my extended family. Did your brother leave a signed paper anywhere stating that he wanted to leave a certain amount of money to you? Was there a previous will that had you and your mom in it and maybe it was modified right before your brother's death while he was not in the right state of mind? I'm not a lawyer but these are just some of the reasons that you might seek legal advice from a lawyer. I know lawyers cost a lot but there are lawyers that will help for little or no money - try the Legal Aid Society or a Pro Bono Lawyer. For Pro Bono Lawyers, go to your local county clerk and they should have a list of Pro Bono Lawyers or even google them on the internet for Lawyers in your area.

Does you mom have a huge amount of assets in her name? If she does not, she may qualify for Medicaid which would help with her Long-Term Care. Was your Mom or Father a Veteran? If someone was a War-Time Veteran with 90 days of active duty, she might qualify for Aid and Attendance or other Veteran programs under the VA....check out the article that has on Veteran Assistance (Under Tab: Money and Legal/Veteran Assistance). Also, a lawyer in Elder Law can give you legal advice on a Financial Plan for your Mom's future and help you find programs to supplement her Long-Term Care.

Finally, since you are in control of your Mom's affairs, you have the right to say who and when someone comes to visit. But, be careful not to completely cut someone out of visiting your mom. If you ever have to go to court over your brother's will to get what your entitled to in his estate, they can slam your character in court. Not fair but it happens. So just try to work with your sister-in-law but don't let her walk all over you either. I hope that I helped you.

My heart and prayers go out to you. Good Luck and God Bless you for taking care of your Mom!!
Helpful Answer (1)

Wow!!!, that's just "Greedy" on her part..."est..Million"; she should be ashame of herself for even making you believe bro left or gave $s to you/your mom (when not true). If not for you, she should be willing to give generously something for your mom's health plan etc... I just don't know how/why peps can be so greedy. I'm on the outside looking in, but as they say: "Two wrongs, won't make things right"; "God don't like ugly"; and "Kill Them with Kindness"...I say don't block her from seeing your mom, if that's what your mom wants; and your sis-in-law might be one of the few peps your mom recognizes w/her Alzheimer. I also think your "nicely" requested courtesy of letting you know when she's coming, is not unreasonable, since you have to coordinate various schedules and pay others when your out running errands etc... Maybe if your will you can set up a meeting w/her, and discuss the situation and that you do need $s to care for your mom; but then again, I know how some peps can be...So good luck, and "God Bless"
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