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I haven't been sleeping very well. My mom pushed a button which calls to my phone upstairs & when I answered (kinda took me awhile to pick up-it was 2:30am) all I heard was heavy breathing. By the time I got downstairs she was not breathing, was on her back, staring upwards-I swear I will never forget this, it is branded in my brain. I called 911 & they told me to roll her on her side & push on her chest-she started gasping & then thank god 2 policemen came & gave her more oxygen(she's on oxygen 24 hours a day) Finally the paramedics came as I begged & pleaded with her to go to the hospital which she had been refusing. I feel so alone-although having 3 other siblings, but they all hate mom, except for me. After this incident I feel wierd, empty, alone, scared, etc. I don't know what to do. I don't want to lose her & I don't want to find her like that again. She has congestive heart failure, out of control diabetes, sleep apnea & a whole lot of other health issues. She has yet to wear & get used to a bi-pap machine. She sleeps all the time-I'm exhausted yet this week-monday, I need to make a doc appt for her & she has occupational therapy & some other therapy, tuesday the oxygen people are coming to see about mom getting used to bi-pap machine, wednesday I have to go & get her diabetes test strips, Friday, her nurse is coming to check on her & then afterward I go shopping. How much can a person take?

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I agree with you wam, if I was in you position I would make sure they are aware of the DNR monthly, with changing shifts etc, that could be a problem, ask them to put a copy in a plastic cover and post it on his door and over the bed. if you lived near me when it is my time I'd have you put it DNR on my forehead, like they mark which limb when one goes in for surgery. for those that are not aware, if you wake up to a loved one who is not breathing and slightly blue, call 911, you want the police, NOT Paramedics, police then will notify the coroners office. please be prepared, and at home don't have that DNR locked away some where, tape a copy to the fridge or somewhere you will remember where it is.
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I fear that they will resuscitate my B-I-L in spite of the DNR directive. He is in an NH! We have a pact that when you take your last breath, it is your time. Nothing in the world would make me call the paramedics. But I am afraid that they will keep him alive in the NH just to make more money. When God calls you home, its time to go. Sorry, but that's how I feel.
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AlLarck - So scary! How old is she? You want her to be well, and live forever, don't you? But that's not going to happen.

Even as sick as she is, she might live another 5 or 10 years, but not forever. Or she might be gone next week. It might be better for her to be under professional care in a NH. The responsibility of keeping her alive is weighing on you. Did you feel guilty, as if you should have kept it from happening? You should realize that it is not something you can totally control. Like when one's teenager drives off for the first time! Even if he is a great, safe driver, he could still be killed by a drunk driver. NO WAY to be 100% sure that won't happen.

If she is in a NH, there will be a professional on site all the time, so she will be safer than she is at home.

What will you do when she is gone? You may not want to think about it, but most of us here will admit that we look forward to being free, at least sometimes. As much as you love her, start thinking about some of the things you could do after she is gone. Nothing will prevent the pain, but if you have a few ideas, you may not be so totally lost when she dies. God bless you.
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what a sad experience for you. With your Mothers conditions it would be smart for you to get a DNR form, just in case, if you attemp to help her, if she did not respond the 911 medics would have to attempt to bring her back. Then you will have a really serious problem on your hands depending how long she went without oxygen. The DNR form justs needs to be shown to the paramedics & they will immediately back off. Sounds scary, but I have seen what a person looks like after 40 minutes without oxygen, their life is over.
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I helped take care of my brother when he had pulmonary fibrosis and watched him take his last breath at 63 yo I did have bad dreams for a while, but it will get better. I try to think of something else if it comes into my mind. Have you thought about nursing home? sounds like she has a lot going on and maybe you could spend better quality time with her if the nurses handled the medical part.I know it is very difficult to watch your mom go downhill as my mom has alzheimers and no one knows except the primary caregiver.
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