Hi everyone, this is my first post, I hope I'll be able to contribute here, but I'll start with looking for help.
So my mother has lumbar onset ALS, pretty advanced now, she's basically complete dependent on other people. Those people are me, and her 90 yo mother.
My mom also has depression and few other health issues, but the ALS is obviously the most impactful. She, however (and understandably) doesn't want to die, to the point of not wanting to make any changes to the house, like some small remodeling, getting a nice electric bed, or anything like that. She believes that getting such items is "succumbing to the illness" and as she's heavily religious, she considers that to be proof of not believing in the miracle that obviously will happen any day now (sorry for cynicism).
The problem is that the current arrangement isn't the friendliest to my back, and basically no outside help will agree to replace me (at home) - I'm a large and strong guy and I sometimes struggle.
Whenever I bring out this topic I get a temper tantrum, and I usually hear that I don't really care for her, I just want her to day, or in better days, that I don't believe that she'll be healed hard enough (which is another topic anyway).
She always was somewhat "emotionally abusive", I realized that not long before the illness, that she was basically blackmailing me with her love/hate throughout my life. I've dealt with that a bit, but the mechanisms are still there and it's not easy to deal with them everyday.
I wonder if anyone here is/was in similar situation, and what are your suggestions? I'd appreciate any help or even a nice word (I'll just happily commiserate too), as I'm at my wit's end.