How do you handle dementia patients who can still use their phone, but are harassing people via text and calls?

I bought my mom the "alzheimer phone." You program it with the people she can call. You put a picture of the person (the phone number is "hidden" behind the picture) and my mom presses the picture of the person she wants to talk to.

When the conversation is over, there are 2 buttons. A red one that says "hang up" and a green one that says "answer." Those are her only choices.

It doesn't stop calls from coming in, that I know of. https://www.alzstore.com/RAZ-Memory-Cell-Phone-for-Seniors-p/0039.htm

Allow her phone to be "turned off" by the company. Let her keep her phone so she has something to do. When she asks why she can not call say, "the phone companies have been having service problems in your area." In some ways this is true - no contract is a service problem. If you do this, talk with your siblings about calling mom on a schedule with everybody taking turns to contact her.

As someone who has experienced and cared for loved ones with dementia and Alzheimers they know not what they do. They have a lot of anxiety and sadness. It is profoundly the worst thing to understand. I personally read a lot on my own to understand how they could be feeling. Most of my relatives passed within 5-6 years after entering MC except for my grandmother. She lived in a private care catholic Nursing Hime. She was treated holistic and lived 15 years with it. The last 5 was bedridden. Still I will have to say her quality of life was so much better than the rest.

Your mother has a broken brain and lost her judgment. Does your mom know how to charge the phone? Do not teach her how to do it! Just let the battery run down.

As l a last resort, reset her phone back to factory condition and take it away from her. It is your turn to handle calls for her from Your Phone!!

I think you can go either way, but start by editing her contact list to just family and maybe advise everyone to block her number during times they don’t want to be bothered. If there was a true emergency someone at the facility would contact you. I don’t necessarily agree she can be “trained” to stop doing inappropriate things with the phone. She has dementia and needs medication to help calm her and to give your dad some peace! And yes, eventually it might be best to disable the phone as a ruse to take it away for “repairs” that never get done. This only works if she truly has dementia. I’m always shocked at the things my mom remembers (that I wish she would forget) considering how forgetful she can be overall.

My mom spent at least 2 years texting dozens of family members and random acquaintances at ALL hours of the day...usually sending them invitations to the Bible app. She had used that app for years before and then it started to snowball so bad!! People would ask her to stop and they didn't understand she now had dementia. Some would send her unkind/sarcastic gifs or memes or videos in response and she didn't "get it" that they were bothered. And it NEVER helped to try to "explain" to her about the annoyance she was to these people...someone with dementia can't be reasoned with - or if they can be, they will soon forget the entire conversation anyways, so it was all for nothing.

(Do NOT get your loved one with dementia started using this app...once they start, they may be like her and obsessively send out "join me on the Bible app" or "I wanted to share this...with you" texts, over and over again! It's impossible to stop this, as the app encourages it SO SO MUCH!... unless you delete the app and then they may be able to just download it again.)

While Mom lived with us, we eventually started putting away her phone each night so she wouldn't stay up using it (causing her to be super tired the next day) and of course that also stopped her from bothering people who didn't always know a random text was coming there way and weren't prepared by having her number blocked yet. So the phone went into my bedroom and then I would return it in the mornings.

But then the time came when it was just easier to keep it put away unless she asked for it or if it was a time when we could keep an eye on her with it. And when she entered Memory Care, we didn't bring the phone since she would certainly misplace it at that point. Thankfully, she hasn't asked for it since. But if we had placed her at an earlier point in her dementia, she would likely have been looking for it and asking for it constantly.

For the longest time, the issue of scam texts/calls, cold-caller solar salesmen, texted requests for donations, and random online purchases was more frustrating and alarming than the texting/sending out of Bible app messages. We changed the settings so that only "known" numbers could come through and my husband blocked her most frequented purchase sites through our network (you have to be techy to do that, though). We also ended up hiding her credit card (letting her know we'd get it out anytime she needed it...and eventually she did forget about it after several months). At first she could still remember the cc number though, and that caused some problems. But eventually the number was forgotten. We froze her credit so she (and also no one else) could apply for loans (which did happen once before she moved in with us) or open new credit cards, etc.

I suggest turning off data from her phone, at the very least. Then all you have left to worry about is the random calls and texts, not anything financial (unless she gives out that info from memory, over the phone). But the day will come when you realize it's just too much for her (and you) and the phone will have to go. Giving her a "senior phone" like some have mentioned, which have a super limited list of contacts and other features...that could be a great solution if she's willing. But definitely tell everyone to block (or simply set her customized ring to "silent") her calls and just give her a call whenever it's convenient for them.

Have you asked the staff and/or her doctor about meds for her anger? She might be a great candidate for something that could calm her.

I blocked my mom’s number. She could still call and leave messages, so she had a place to vent. There’s no point in seeing her texts or voicemails. It will just cause you distress. I left the phone with her because I didn’t want her to keep bothering the staff to call me.

We have a land line and we would get the scammers calling us regularly - your car warranty, free estimates, etc. My daddy would invite them over - I heard him one time and was shocked. I then removed the phone from the cradle and turned down the ring. Then I got him the Grandpad. This way I could program the phone numbers he was allowed to get phone calls from. I could program the phone numbers he could call. Also, he could see who was calling. It is the best phone ever. It does have internet access but that is separate and you control it. It has games, news, music everything your phone has but YOU get to CONTROL IT! Also, it runs on data not wifi. Grandpad is designed for the ALZ patient. So yes take away that phone but give her a phone that she can have. Prayers for you and your situation! ((HUGS))

I had to take my mom's phone away. My mom kept calling me and leaving messages day and night. She started losing her sight. It was terrible, but she got over it. I visited her everyday and that helped.
Sometimes there is an obsession over the phone or the remote or a favorite drink. Your mom will be over it and onto the next whatever......

I don't think the phone should be taken away. You can block her number for certain hours of the day like when you're at work and if you don't want her calling at all hours.

When you visit your parents tell your mother to stop leaving you nasty messages at all hours or you will block her number and she won't be able to call you. You should also play some of her voicemails back to her and show her some of the texts she sends you. Don't over-explain, just let her know firmly that you will block her number if she continues with the abusive voicemails and texts.

Also, don't visit them every day. In fact, don't even talk to them every day. If they've been put into a new care setting they need time to acclimate to their new life in it. The constant access to the outside world via phone or daily visits will prevent them from getting accpetance of their new environment.

I would re-examine whether or not they need to be in a memory care facility. If your mother can still use a cellphone and leave coherent text messages, they may be better candidates for assisted living rather than memory care. Unfortunately, memory care is one-size-fits-all. People who have some memory issues are lumped in with people who are completely out-of-it from dementia and that's not fair to the ones who aren't. This may be something to consider.

In the meantime, you don't have to tolerate her abusive behavior. Block her number during certain times of the day. Don't respond to her nasty text messages. Let her keep her phone. As hard as it is for you to get disturbed by her nasty voicemails and texts, she's in a memory care facility. Life is worse for her. Let her keep her phone at least for now.

Block her number during certain ties of the day.

Ignore her nonsense, threats, and nasty messages. Don't even acknowledge them.

Don't visit them daily. They need to acclimate to their new environment. In fact, don't visit them for a few weeks. Your sibs shouldn't either.

You put your phone on silent when it is inconvenient for you to take a call. Let's say from 8 PM until 8 AM
Your siblings can do the same.
If mom becomes abusive on the phone you interrupt and say "Mom, I ma not going to listen to you if you talk this way. If she continues you hang up." And do not answer when she calls again.

If you are visiting and she becomes abusive you say "Mom, I am not going to listen to you talk this way. If you continue I will leave." If she continues get up and leave.

If you know that she is calling other friends and does the same I hope they also tell her the same.

When she needs help with her phone it might have to go into "the shop" for repairs. It might be a while before it is "fixed"

There is enough going on in most MC facilities that she does not need to make phone calls. Her brain will not be effected any more than it already is if she does not make phone calls.

No, you don't take away someone's phone because you don't like their calls. You can stop answering them and let them go to voice mail. Then you can erase them. You can tell your mother that is what you will be doing, and that you will be speaking with her once a day; if the call is unpleasant you will be speaking to her VERY BRIEFLY.
This is a simple matter of training.
As long as you accept these calls you will get these calls.

Yes, agree time to take the phone away. My mother in law at the nursing home with partial stroke diagnose at 84 yrs was somehow miss using the phone at 4 am. my husband and I thought for sure the call she fell out of bed, and or some tragic thing happened to one of our children and or her. it happened several times and was very annoying since went thru a life changing journey with our son loosing his fiancée with in a few yrs or earlier and over comming alcohol abuse...so with were stunned and worrisome when any call come after hours we always slept with our phones on and by our bedside waiting for it to ring...ugh since our son had called with his girlfriends journey of having a fatal crisis of dieing in his arms in his house with in a yrs and him miss using alcohol and calling in odd hours with tears of pain and his journey of addition. IT was a journey from hell. Gods blessings near 3 yrs later he has been dry and clean with our support and GOD. So imagine how frustrated and made we were recieving calls from mother in law at the nursing h ome at early /middle of the nite. She was called out on it in a casual manner and it seems to stop. TAke the phone away definitely.

Others here know more than I would about this… but I warn you that even a cut off phone can successfully dial 911. Doesn’t need a carrier for a 911.

I agree that if she is not using the phone to have appropriate conversations at appropriate times of the day, then just take it away.

My Mom is almost 96, lives next door to me with moderate dementia and memory impairment, some pockets or paranoia, confusion. When she was forgetting how to use her appliances she would get out the owner's manuals and call their customer support lines and torture these people (and waste their time) with her accusations and confused conversations.

Eventually she broke her flip phone and I replaced it with a RAZ mobility phone. It looks like a smart phone but has no internet (so no texting). I control everything from an app on my phone. Her limited contacts are pictures of our family and a few close neighbors. She can call them and only them, they can call her. No other unauthorized caller can reach her (no scammers!) I limit the hours she can call people, except a few like me or my husband. It's been great and I'm happy I have it.

But in your Mom's case I don't think she will be able to adapt to a new device and there's always the chance she will lose it.

I agree to maybe discretely shut it off and then tell her it's broken and you have to take it in to get it fixed. Or any other therapeutic fib that you think she will accept.

Many elders have had their phones taken away. One of my clients kept calling one of her neighbors and disturbing her at work. The woman called back and blasted me about the call. It was not a good situation. Funny thing was that my client couldn't remember what she had for breakfast, but she could dial everybody's number from memory including the doctor's office to set up an appointment.

You often have to weigh the pros and cons and make a hard decision.

When we moved my FIL to SNF - we quickly discovered that he didn't really know how to use his phone as well as we thought. Having people at his is beck and call at home (SIL/BIL) 24/7 made using his phone a breeze, they could fix whatever he broke, make sure it was charged, or call me to ask questions if they didn't know what he had done. Once he was in the SNF, it was next to impossible to actually manage his phone and the first week he was there, he inadvertently deleted his entire contact list (a blessing in disguise as he liked to call his entire contact list at least once a month and tell anyone who answered a laundry list of untruths in an effort to get someone to come "rescue" him - contacts including people like the realtor who offered to buy his home, the last loan officer he worked with, a waitress at his favorite restaurant, the man who rear-ended him on the interstate, and other random people who were entered for one time needs who he decided were long time friends that he needed to call.

Once he deleted his contacts list - I told him I could not restore it, and just put a handful of numbers back, limited to family. That made things better for everyone else, but so much worse for us. Calls ramped up round the clock for all of us. I locked down his home screen so that he couldn't delete the contacts and the couple of apps he liked to use, removed the ability to search the internet, removed his ability to change his settings, elongated the touch screen so that he couldn't accidentally delete things and prevented him from going to anything but the home screen - but he still managed to mess his phone up within 5 minutes of us leaving after each visit. At least an hour of each visit was just me fixing his phone. He liked to watch Tiktok videos and Facebook Reels, but then he managed to start posting random Tiktoks. And then he started loaning his phone to his roommate who had his own phone taken aware by his family because he could no longer manage it, roommate's family blocked FIL's phone number and FIL and roomie started calling 911. Fun fact.. anytime you call 911 from a nursing home...they HAVE to send someone out.

So we did finally just have to take the phone away. We told him it was broken and that I was going to take it to the provider and get it looked at. He was already complaining about wanting a new one because he didn't get it plugged in half the time and the battery died.

Phone company just never got it fixed sadly.......

Does she ever use the phone in a useful and proper way? If she does connect with friends then I'd be reluctant to take it away, but if it's just the vengeful comments to all and sundry then I'd research a way to make the phone appear broken or have it go mysteriously missing, then drag my feet getting a replacement