How do you handle dementia & intimacy?

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How do you handle dementia & intimacy?

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Having sex with someone with a damaged brain is abuse. My husband has dementia and I am his caregiver and POA and make sure he has to xcellent care but we only legally married. I would never have sex with a child. I would puke. If he finds someone in a facility to relate to and the other persons guardian approves then so be it. It is the disease.

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This hits close to home.

After Dh had a terrible motorcycle wreck and then a couple years later 2 massive heart attacks, he totally lost interest in sex.

It makes me feel awful and lonely, as he won't even touch me. But I believe he's impotent and embarrassed about it.

Had a very low sex drive since about 1 year into marriage. We've been celibate for 9 long years. If I try to bring it up, he leaves the room. Or gets mad. Either way, it keeps me feeling alone and lonely. It's amazing we had 5 kids as we only had sex once or twice a month.

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Neiher you, nor your husband are demented. Your problem is entirely different from sex involving people with dementia. Your husband had a sexual dysfunction from a different nature.

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Buy your dad a vibrator to satisfy your mom and teach him how to turn it on, off and change the speed.

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Yes I am sure that the OP would love to demonstrate the workings of a vibrator with dad to use on his denented wife. Better yet she could demonstrate on mom while dad watches to make sure he knows exactly what to do. End sarcasm.

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Reminds me of a 2 1/2 Men Episode. Alan was dating this woman who initiated sex with him and everytime he did, she would be angry and repulsed by him. She even called her doctor/therapist and said "She did it again" and mentioned she felt sorry for him. After talking to the doc/therapist while they were still in bed, she said "Don't touch her"; it wound up she had sex with him and after, she was trying to kill herself by walking into the ocean Lol. Very funny episode

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I remember that episode of 'Two and a Half Men' and it was hilarious.

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Discuss this with her doctor, since dementia can sometimes have hyper sexuality component and there could be some medication to help her calm down.
She may also be thinking she is a 20 year old newly wed in her dementia?

Is his physical attention for hugging and kissing helping her feel security or is it only leading her mind to wanting sex? If she needs close reassurance with hand holding and hugging and he is willing, then it is ok. If it frustrates her to just want sex, then discuss with the dr some options for her libedo.

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Not sure if you are still reading answers to your post but here goes; I know that bromide in some form or another is given to prisoners in order to curtail any sexual urges they might get. Can you perhaps either explain this to your dad and get him to talk over options with his doctor or look into it being a possible answer yourself. Either that or if you can afford it, hire your mum a male escort who will also provide sex. Yes, I realise that I’m encouraging you to use a male prostitute but they are out there and not all are seedy or exploited. They are service providers, nothing more and nothing less. Good luck x

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No, no bromides are given in prison to curtail sex drives in prison, and no, a male prostitute shouldn’t be hired.

This lady hasn’t had sex in two decades. Given natural atrophy, it’s possible she can’t have POV for physical reasons. Getting a male stranger to come in for that, no way.

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I came of age in the 1990's so I am not old. I've had boyfriends and been married twice. Sex has been part of my life for a long time. This being said, I cannot believe the responses of smut and outrageous suggestions being made on this thread. Clearly people have no discretion. Some of the responses are downright shameful.
No old woman who's been married for 59 years and very likely has dementia, needs to get a vibrator or have a prostitute hired for her. No 82-year-old man should have a 'strap-on' suggested to him by his daughter. Or anyone else for that matter.
The people on this thread who have made such suggestions should seriously think before they comment.

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How do you handle dementia & intimacy?

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