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Mom moved in with us last April & we quickly realized her health was in far worse state than we anticipated (she previously lived on the opposite side of the state so we didn't see her frequently). Things have now progressed to an official diagnosis of dementia & I'm quickly coming to realize that we're not going to be able to manage this long term. I work full time, as does my husband (and that can't change). Plus, we both travel out of the country at times for work. There's also our young kids & their schedules in play. As her needs are ramping up, we're struggling more & more to cover them. But we're in this precarious place where she understands just enough to dictate her dissent but she's confused just enough that she doesn't understand half the conversation (if not more) when we try to explain things to her. She doesn't remember the doctor telling her that she has dementia. I think she knows that she's confused & her memory is slipping but....how am I supposed to explain "mom, you need to be in a nursing home" when the time comes? Half the time I can't even get her to comprehend what time of day it is.

Place her in a nice LTC facility. Tell her she is going to a new apartment where she will make new friends even have a roommate. Thats what we did and my Mom excepted it.
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Reply to JoAnn29
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Yes. We do have in-home care for her now. But her doctor feels the household environment will likely not be in her best interests long term now that she has this diagnosis. We have two large dogs in the home. Elementary aged kids that have friends over regularly. Etc. Mom's doctor went so far as to tell me that this is the dilemma of having a child (me) late in life. According to her, my mother needs a retired daughter with grown kids and that won't be me for another 20 years. Personally, I feel like I know plenty of sandwiched individuals trying to juggle raising kids and caregiving. It's not that unusual. But I do think she has a point about the house maybe not being the best place for her as the disease progresses. Honestly, we would've made different choices a year ago if we knew dementia was in the cards for her.
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Reply to Wubba1108
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I guess with this level of confusion, you're not really going to be able to explain this in a way that is going to make sense to her.

Maybe you can get some in-home care to assist her while you're at work?

Maybe, when the time comes, you can tell her you're going on vacation, and that she needs to stay here while you are away. Or when you go on business trips, this could actually be a necessity.

You will have to come up with a simple "story" about what is going on, where she is going and why. But she may not understand or agree with the plan. And that has to be OK.
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Reply to againx100
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