Mom moved in with us last April & we quickly realized her health was in far worse state than we anticipated (she previously lived on the opposite side of the state so we didn't see her frequently). Things have now progressed to an official diagnosis of dementia & I'm quickly coming to realize that we're not going to be able to manage this long term. I work full time, as does my husband (and that can't change). Plus, we both travel out of the country at times for work. There's also our young kids & their schedules in play. As her needs are ramping up, we're struggling more & more to cover them. But we're in this precarious place where she understands just enough to dictate her dissent but she's confused just enough that she doesn't understand half the conversation (if not more) when we try to explain things to her. She doesn't remember the doctor telling her that she has dementia. I think she knows that she's confused & her memory is slipping but....how am I supposed to explain "mom, you need to be in a nursing home" when the time comes? Half the time I can't even get her to comprehend what time of day it is.
Maybe you can get some in-home care to assist her while you're at work?
Maybe, when the time comes, you can tell her you're going on vacation, and that she needs to stay here while you are away. Or when you go on business trips, this could actually be a necessity.
You will have to come up with a simple "story" about what is going on, where she is going and why. But she may not understand or agree with the plan. And that has to be OK.