How do you deal with a parent who has given up and doesn't want to do anything to help themselves?

People in age do tend to become more contemplative, less wanting to engage with others, more withdrawn often enough. They begin somewhat to separate from life and with my own aunt this was profound. When I asked what she thought about staring out her window day after day she said she liked just seeing the birds, and liked thinking about her life, everything she had seen and done; she said most of her thoughts were good ones and she enjoyed them. She was not suffering from dementia, but was for many years in care due to body incapacity. She took part in few things, though eventually she did do some art that was wonderful. Much like children's lovely art it was freed from the "draw in the lines" stuff, and very interesting. I do think depression is part of it, and not honestly an unrealistic reaction. At 76 I am seeing that eventually it does become about losses. Sadness is a real part of life and cannot be denied. Not everything is good and not everything can be fixed. I hope she will find something that brings peace for her.

Not having the motivation to do anything is often caused by depression. Does your mother take care of her room? Fold laundry? Wash dishes? Cut vegetables for meal prep? What activities of her adult life is your mother still capable of doing? I suggest you encourage her to do as many of those activities as she still can. Medication may take longer to work or may need to be adjusted.

Being uncomfortable in social situations seems to go with cognitive issues too, particularly if the person is aware of their problems. My mother reluctantly attends senior day care because I need to know she is somewhere safe and cared for when I attend my doctor's appointments and run errands. She came home Wednesday telling me how much she had enjoyed talking with a couple of the elderly gentlemen about the community where she grew up. This morning she didn't want to go back so I ask her why and then we go through the whole "you have a good time there" and "I need you to go" conversation again. Ultimately she went out the door looking forward to day care, but we will probably have another morning discussion sometime soon. She will forget this morning's conversation and her fears will return. I try to put myself in her shoes and consider how I would feel if I couldn't trust my own mind.

Playing music from the era she was young and going through old photo books can be very simulating for those with memory problems. Mom loves to identify every person and building in an old photo and tell me each one. We can talk a couple of hours on one old photo. Mom always sang when she worked so now I sing when working around the house and she joins in.

I don't think our seniors really do well learning/adopting entirely new hobbies. If you can find something that is a variation on something they did in their childhoods or pre-cognitive issue days, that seems to be more workable.