How do you cope with losing just about all of your family to death? I've lost almost all of my family, and have changed. Anyone else?

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How do you cope with losing just about all of your family to death? I've lost almost all of my family, and have changed. Anyone else?

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I've lost most of my family over a period of a few years, one after the other, including my parents, grandparents, my sister's only two children (which were very close to me) several aunts, uncles, my only two brothers, and even several friends.......my 52 year old brother just died a few months ago in the ICU and I was never even told by the hospital how he actually died. He had an alcohol problem, and all I do know is that he was conscious and aware in the ICU one minute, and then gone the next.
8 months prior to that, our mom passed away from cancer. I stayed home at her house with her so she could get hospice care, but at home rather than dying in a hospice unit, potentially surrounded by strangers (that's not to say that the hospice people are not complete angels, because they are) I couldn't have done it without their help and real compassion.
I did hold my mom's hand as she took her last breath that July early morning around 2 am, and feel like I did make it to the most important engagement of my life (to be there for my mom when she passed away, and not let her pass away alone) and I'm extremely thankful that I got to do that. However, life for me truly changes at that very moment, and has stayed the same ever since. I remember looking up at the sunny sky that morning after mom was taken out of the house, and even the sky looked different. The trees, the roads I've traveled for many years, all just looked different.
I've never felt so alone, and could never have imagined this is how life would be at the age of 47.
I still function like a normal person, but feel different inside, and it's kind of a numbing feeling, mixed with sadness and regret. Why am I writing all of this? Perhaps others have experienced similar situations, and hearing it from other people may help just knowing that, yes, you will feel different. You may always feel this way. You'll still be able to move on. But most importantly, I feel like I should tell my story in the hopes that someone out there that isn't making time for their loved ones will read my words, and understand that it could all change in an instant leaving you alone in this world, just wishing you had one last chance to tell your mom you love her, or take your dad out to that car show he used to enjoy going to in his younger years...............

Depression End of Life Grief Mental Health

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Thank you for sharing your story. I am sorry that you have had so much loss in your short time here on earth. Doesn't seem fair, does it? Unfortunately death is part of life, and I guess the bigger our circle of family and friends are, the more loss we will experience over time. Death does change the living. It could be for the better,(not taking life or people for granted) or it could be for the worse,(growing bitter and putting up walls to protect our broken hearts)but it indeed does change us. I hope and pray that with all your loss, that you have sought out some grief counseling, so you can move forward in the best and healthiest way possible. May God give you His peace and comfort.

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I’m so sorry for your losses. I know how you feel. I had a very small family. Mom, Dad and daughter. They are all gone now. My daughter was 27 and died of a drug overdose. I didn’t even know she did drugs. You do feel invisible. My history is gone. No one knows it but me. It’s incredibly lonely. I have many good friends. But it’s not the same. Hang in there. You’re not alone.

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This has happened to me. Everyone died, some I loved and some I did not. My father died, my brother died, and my mother died last (just 7 moths ago). During the time between my brother’s death and my mom’s, I had two major surgeries. It felt like a bomb had gone off in my life and just left a hole.

Now I am completely alone. Come a holiday, it’s just me. Need minor surgery, so a ride there and back - I have nobody. I walk in the world but I am disconnected, with not a single close blood relative. I feel like an invisible woman. And there is no cure.

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I know how you feel, I’m 44 and lost all my family at 42. There’s no real way to express how you feel than just total blankness. Life comes to a halt, holidays have no meaning. I personally would like to have family even if adopted as adults. It would be nice to have a fb page where others who have lost all family can gain new family from those who have none huh?

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While this is an old post, it just popped up on my feed and touched me beyond words. My parents both passed away a year ago and I'm in tears reading all of the heartbreak. All of your words remind me of the immense loss and the emptiness that I, and all of you, feel. I understand the OP's words about everything being different. Life is different, I'm different. I know I need to be social, but I don't have the desire or energy. Thank you all for your words and for being open and honest. Sending hugs to the OP and all of you.

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I'm so sorry. Thank you.

Hugs to you and to all as well and Blessings.

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I am also 47. My entire family is gone except 1 brother, but feel he is gone too. He doesn't care about me and thinks only about himself. This is my first Thanksgiving without any family. My parents both left 1 year apart. I feel abandoned especially since I was the youngest. My brother has his own family but I am not close to him. He is narcissistic and pray for him. I am constantly doing things to keep me happy. I am the only one responsible for my happiness. God keeps me sane and focused.

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Angle75,

Thanksgiving week so many places are looking for volunteers. The need will be tremendous this year as inflation, the high cost of groceries and gas prices have all all increased. Your presence in he serving line may be the only kindness someone receives that day!

Ireland

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I've lost both parents, three siblings, 5 nieces and nephews. Seems like all I've done is grieve. But I keep moving on.

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Im so sorry you've had such profound loss. Sometimes life is just so unfair.

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I was adopted and raised by my grandparents, both long gone. My adopted brother (biological uncle) died in 2018 of an alcohol overdose and my adopted sister (biological aunt) is in the next room right now dying of congestive heart failure and complications of a brain injury, in hospice care. It was only after my brother died that I realized that I was going to be all alone very soon, without any close family left. My only living relative will soon be my biological mother, and she is in her late 70s and battling a progressive disease of her own. I have a loving partner, but I never had children, something I am regretting horribly at the moment (I'm in my 50s, so too late). The idea that I will no longer have my own family and home to go to for holidays--no one to share stories with, no one with a common history--is gutting me. The fact that I am the last in my family line is also crushing. I also did not realize how much I loved my aunt until now--she was like a second mother to me, and I took her for granted. I did not go to see her nearly as much as I should have. Now that she will soon be gone, the idea of her not in the world is absolutely crushing. I simply had not thought forward to what my future would look like, and now it's too late. Add to all this the fact that she had been battling illness for a while before it got bad, and I got to her too late to truly help, and the fact that I have been desperately trying to manage her care, and due to medical mixups, misdirections, and sheer physician neglect, I am 100 percent sure that she is dying when she did not have to be. I feel so responsible, and I do not know how I am going to get through this.

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Dear Nevertoheal,

God bless you because you have been through a lot these past few years. My daddy passed in 2020, my mom in 2022 and still am caring for my husband's 94 year old aunt with end stage dementia.
Then I had a sudden lost of my sweet puppy of 13 years completely unexpected.

The trauma and stress of caring for my parents contributed to my stroke and heart surgery. During the time my dad was in his end months my sister ( only sibling involved)had severe covid (2019)and was on a ventilator for weeks. Her long haulers symptoms after effects has changed her permanently and we are now estranged. She became so toxic, angry and abusive to me.

I need to recover and take care of me!
Yes, it's lonely for sure and makes me wonder about the future. I have a great husband but his health is declining.

All I can say is pray and take one day at a time. That is all we have. Try to sit outside each day and go for walks. Can you reconnect with old friends? I started some peaceful crafts and gardening. The goal each day is peace. Be grateful for your life!

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I wonder if most of us go thru this… a hollow feeling .. I had 2 siblings, just me and my sister left . My father passed years ago, my mom in May…

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Babs,

You could do a DNA analysis on 23andme.

They send a list of relatives. I have over 5,000 in mine. I reconnected with a cousin that I hung out with as a kid. His mom and dad were my godparents.

He lives in California now but planning to visit for French Quarter fest and we are going to reconnect with each other.

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Thank you for sharing. I'm 37 and an only child, I've lost my grandparents, my parents, and three uncles on my mom's side. I don't know my dad's side. I have no family to introduce my kids to. I can't give them aunts/uncles. I can't call family and share the joy of my progress in life, or my kids' achievements, or invite them to holidays. Everyone I grew up with is gone, all their stories, all their influence, all those shared memories...gone. If I have another child, they will never know or be loved by my parents. It sometimes feels like "when is it my turn to go where they are?" I have amazing friends, but my history, my origin, is gone. I'm in a whole new life without the "restart" of being reborn. It's an emptiness no one can know unless they've been through it. The world seems false and foreign because your loved ones aren't around to help you feel anchored. I was thinking about my family members and how they all died early, and wondered what the point of their lives was. I guess the point is to be remembered and missed for what you were to others. As much as I miss and grieve them I know it's my job to touch others in the same way they touched me until it's my turn go. You will see them again, and as hard as it is, keep being a light to those around you. It's important to be missed because that means you inspired others. Life goes on and we are spirit, and we'll understand more when we're on the other side.

How do you cope with losing just about all of your family to death? I've lost almost all of my family, and have changed. Anyone else?

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