My mother was diagnosed with early stage Alzheimer's about 5 years ago. She also has many physical issues- back problems, haital hernia, neuropothy and others. She is on a lot of different medications which include adderol, gabapentin , clonazepam, atorvastatin, donepezil, escitalopram, Xarelto, and insists on 2 tylenol PM at night to get to sleep. Tylenol PM has Benadryl in it. She also occasionally takes Tylenol 3 when she is in pain. She had a minor stroke 2 years ago as well. We got her a driving assessment a few months before her stroke and her assessor advised that she relinquish her license and never drive again. She has some days where she is as lucid as someone without dementia, and other days where her memory is not great.
My problem is that she has always been manipulative and angry and blames others for her problems. She insists that my husband and I are conspiring against her to make her life miserable. She claims that we went behind her back and had her driver's license taken from her and she insists that she will do whatever it takes to get it back. Before she lost her driver's license she was getting lost frequently and losing her car in parking lots etc.
Medically, I make sure she has excellent medical care with everything from a general practitioner to a host of different specialists. She sees all of them regularly. She does have the power to, and frequently does, refuse to go to various doctors especially a psychiatrist who specializes in elder care, Alzheimer's and dementia and her hematologist. She tells me things regarding her memory and health which I pass on to her doctors and then she lies to her doctors and either denies saying anything to me or claims that I am mistaken. Her general practitioner is a "concierge " doctor and does consult with her specialists, so everyone knows what her prescriptions are and how and when she takes them.
She has destroyed her bedroom (I'm going to have to replace the carpet, maybe sub floor and some of the dry wall where she has put holes ostensibly to hang pictures and shelves). She is hoarding and spending money she doesn't have.
The interesting part is..... she has actually always been this way as long as I can remember. She is the same only a lot more . I'm not even sure if she has Alzheimer's or if it is just her medication and/or regular aging. All if her doctors and physical therapists seem to think that she has been properly diagnosed. I'm just not sure what to do next. At the moment, (today) she is fine, but what do I do when she starts having fits and getting angry then acts like she is a victim and that we are responsible for everything bad that has ever happened to her.
We have her POA, both medical and durable. She has lived with us for 10 years (this time) , and frankly, I'm tired. My husband and I are tapped out as far as spending any more money on her. We have bailed her our financially more than once and her entire SS check goes to pay for her Gap insurance , some of her medical costs ,and her storage, and her credit card bills. I'm grateful that she is with us and not in a nursing home or some place awful. She is just challenging to have around and has put a huge strain on our relationship with our children and our marriage.