How do I know that I have memory issues?

It all started with my husband's sister many years ago. I was working there first then she was hired, I think. ANYWAY, she introduced me to her brother. Since we were both single. As time went on at work, she never talked to me. Got me in trouble many times. She was there for almost 5 years before she left or got fired. Since she has been gone, I have had issues with a couple of other people but those issues have been resolved. I just don't get it how they feel the need to keep the issues that happened before when they were in the past. Do they know what was going on to lead up to what was going on? Probably not. Even my front office team lead doesn't have a backbone either.
They don't want my husband coming down there. But I told him to keep his distance. He has his own job to worry about.
In relation to my mom, she hasn't been eating much and I don't know why. Maybe she is getting nervous about moving again. I'll be moving her physically and my brother will be moving the rest. It's going to be a change for her. At least she is 88 and who knows how much longer she will be living. Just hope that they change of environment will help her.

I stand with you, Judy79. Damn*d newbies.
You are going through a lot and it sounds like things are getting toxic at work and maybe at some point you shared what you are going through. It's what we do sometimes when we're with co workers most of our lives anyway but the younger set don't have the empathy to deal with people and think they do know it all.
I see this issue as she hasn't been there long enough or know the patients well enough to have an opinion.
It is survival of the fittest these days. And what another lady said here-ageism is on the rise (in our age group)and very hard to show proof.
It used to be called age discrimination before you get the job. It is hard to navigate when home life affects work life but the younger ones don't get it.
Just keep plugging and maybe it will blow over. Smile and be yourself, but don't let 'em walk all over you. Take care.

Judy, OP means Original Poster. :)

Judy, I'm having some diffuculty following what you are saying. Are they upset because you are doing tasks that are not yours to do, or because you are doing things wrong?

You need to get clarification from your bosses about what is causing them to question your appropriateness for you job.

Judy,

Thanks for the response and clarity on the situation. You sound like a reasonable person to me.

You understand that changes do occur on procedures and willing to adjust to a new way of doing things. You understand that others need time to learn as well. It is the manager’s responsibility to properly train the company’s staff. The comparison between your behavior and your mom’s dementia was rude.

You’re right to step away from tasks that are no longer your responsibility. Let management delegate all tasks.

Our jobs are our bread and butter. Without work we can’t survive. People can’t just walk away from a job so easily. You sound very responsible to me.

Unfortunately, we may run into personality conflicts, improper training at times, lack of respect from coworkers, etc. Sometimes things can be a wake up call and we are given the opportunity to adjust if we need to. Sounds like you will be fine.

I don’t think that you want to lose a job over minor discrepancies. There is stress at work and yes everyone makes mistakes. It may be unpleasant but it will work out. If things don’t improve to your liking you could seek out other employment.

There are uncomfortable situations that we go through but we survive, don’t we?

All the best. I wish you a happy retirement when you are able to reach that goal. Take care.

Judy, just supporting much of what has been suggestion by others:

- your employer has NO business insinuating or "diagnosing" a memory issue (I'm an employer myself and know this for a fact). This may qualify for legal action, but you will need to check with an attorney ("hostile work environment"?)

- do get checked by a doctor so that for your own peace of mind you can know for sure what is real, and what is office catty-ness.

- ask for a performance review and then a follow-up so that they give you CLEAR expectations for acceptable performance and then make sure you hold them to the follow-up so it is in your record that you achieved it or not. Make sure you ask them what you are doing WELL so that goes into your record too.

- don't work at a place that doesn't value you or your abilities. There is a labor shortage right now and you can probably find another job that pays just as well with same benefits, even at your age.

Judy,

So did any procedures change? They may be training the newer people to do things a different way and you’re doing it the older way. Is it possible they feel that you aren’t remembering to do things a new or different way?

You mentioned being a perfectionist and doing things the right way. You may feel it is the right way or the way you prefer but if policies or procedures have changed then you may have to adapt to newer ways.

I saw this with my daughter’s fourth grade teacher. The procedure of teaching math to the children had changed. Well, she decided she did not want to teach the new method and not go along with the new curriculum. She continued to teach the older method of math. She didn’t care because it was her last year at the school.

With her teacher it wasn’t a memory problem. It was an attitude problem. I am not accusing you of anything. I just want you to consider what may be going on at your place of work.

The other teachers at my daughter’s school would comment that she should have left years earlier. Everyone has to be on the same page.

It was awful. When the children from her class went into the fifth grade they were not prepared for doing math like the other kids were and had catching up to do. It was difficult for the kids and the fifth grade teachers. Parents were told to hire tutors so the children could catch up.

So I absolutely would schedule a meeting with your boss just to make sure that your company doesn’t want things to be done differently. If your company is satisfied with how you are doing things then don’t be concerned about how others are doing their jobs. They will figure it out. Just concentrate on doing your job.

I hope that it works out. It’s miserable if there isn’t harmony at work. Best of luck to you.

They wouldn't say that you had memory issues if there wasn't a pattern. Nobody can tell anything from what little detail you've given. If you don't know the details of the incidents, that might be an indication that you do have a problem or that you take work lightly. If there is a memory problem, it isn't necessarily dementia. It could be a temporary attention deficit caused by stress.

Your manager is out of place dabbling in your personal life and your manager knows a good deal more than he or she should about your private affairs and almost nothing about dementia. Especially Lewy's doesn't seem to be passed in familial fashion.
As to memory, I think likely you are looking at anxiety issues and stress. If you are facing down life changes then you are looking at anxiety and it is absolutely NOTORIOUS for making you completely forgetful and unable to multitask.
If you have concerns, then you should see your own doctor, ask for a neuro consult. Get the all clear and then tell you manager you appreciate the advice, had an exam, and do not have any issues of dementia.
Honestly...... Well, I won't go on.

No, just because your mother has dementia does not mean you will, also. And it was a hurtful and insensitive thing for your supervisor to say! That said, if your superiors have specific instances they have enumerated to you, I suggest you see a neurologist and get tested. It's the people around us that first see the changes that take place. Do you have a trusted friend in your office that will be honest with you if they have also recognized issues?

I didn't recognize the signs in my sister because we only communicated by phone from miles apart. She had gotten a job cashiering at her local grocery store, but was not able to succeed. When I look back, it was probably because she couldn't memorize procedures. Then when she went to stay with her sister-in-law to help care for her when she had cancer, it was the sister-in-law that alerted us to her memory issues. We had her tested and she was diagnosed.

I don't say this to alarm you, but if you're questioning it on some level, you should relieve your fears by being evaluated. Then you can move forward with facts and good information.

Or maybe it's just time to change jobs. I understand you've been there for many years and change is difficult, but it may be time to move on. Take care of yourself and arm yourself with facts, not guesswork. Best wishes.

I think in this situation, I would ask for a meeting with the director and your managers to clear the air. Ask them directly if there is a problem with your job performance and how you can improve.

Not sure what any of this has to do with your memory; I'm wondering, along with CM, if you could explain why they said that.

I worked once with a woman who was very good at her clerical/administrative job. But she was extremely annoying and passive aggressive. She was very rigid in the way she did things and would not listen to anyone who tried to point out that there might be a more efficient way of doing things.

I would clear the air with your higher ups and then find out if there is truly an issue with your performance or your personality that you might be willing to try to change.

I expect it was the director's little joke. Like I used to joke about how "dementia must be contagious," when I was so tired and stressed that I could barely remember my own name let alone anyone else's.

It's not a very *good* joke, mind; and it certainly isn't appropriate in a workplace. I should do my best to ignore it if I were you, but if it gets repeated then calmly make it clear through the right channels that you don't appreciate this humour and won't tolerate more of it.

Risk of developing certain dementias may be inherited, the process is not fully understood; but in any case that's not the same thing as suggesting that a person of your age is taking after your mother as she is right now.

What has your memory got to do with the complaint that was made against you, anyway?

Judy I watched my sister endure a truly toxic work environment for years, it totally eroded her self confidence and even more than a decade later I hear her making comments like "I can't work as fast as the younger workers" or "I'm too stupid to catch on right away". Don't allow this to happen to you, unless there is a culture change in your office it might be time to look for a different kind of job.

Judy, stress can cause us to have memory oops. Also, side effects from meds. And dealing with an elder parent is one of the biggest stressors of them all.

Does anyone else notice a memory oops? If not, then it could be work related. Was the oops major or just a ho-hum whatever? My sig-other and I both mid-70's] have normal aging oops. And we have noticed our friends/relatives who are our age are having the same thing. No biggee. Just aging, welcome to the club :)

At work, my stressor was when the telephone rang.... it's the 10 years of calls from my parents [90+] still living in their house and refusing to downsize. Ok, who fell now? Another doctor's appointment? Do you have your grocery list ready? No, I can't shovel the driveway, I can't do my own!! Can't you hire someone to climb into the attic?

Even after my parents had passed a couple of years ago, the sound of the telephone rings got my stress to go from 0 to 60 in a split second. Happiness was getting all new landline telephones at work, and each of us could set our phone ring to what we liked since we have private offices. Oh my gosh, my ring is a lovely "song", now I love to hear the phone ring :) My boss set his phone to the U.K. 2-ring which isn't so demanding sounding as the regular standard phone ring here in the States.

Ok, I had to proof-read what I wrote a half dozen times. It's part aging and part OCD. And after I post the answer, will proof-read again. I know I will miss something :P

"When I was talking to my manager and team leader, my manager said that the director thought that I had memory problems like my mom. "

If your director said this to your manger and/or team leader, you probably have grounds for a nifty lawsuit.

BarbBrooklyn made a very good point. Are you union? If so, get in touch with your Rep. and tell them what is going on. If you have an attorney you trust, you may also want to start documenting this with them. Being who I am (WAY too honest and upfront), if it were me, I would go to my family doctor and tell them what was going on and see what they say. Part of me thinks they are trying to make things difficult for you at work and that is UNACCEPTABLE. Fight that at all costs! But if your PCP detects an issue...that is another story. I wish you all the best!! Please keep us posted.

The majority of dementia is not inherited by children and grandchildren. In rarer types of dementia there may be a strong genetic link, but these are only a tiny proportion of overall cases of dementia, per the Alzheimer's Association. And even if dementia WAS an inherited disease, there's no saying you'd get it just because someone in your family has it. My birth mother died of uterine cancer at 59; I'm 62 and show no signs of cancer at all.

You cannot say precisely 'why' your mother has memory issues; nobody has 'the answers' to those questions, really. The brain is a complicated thing, and so are all the forms of dementia. Some memory problems arise naturally as a result of age, but dementia is not a natural result of aging; it is a disease in and of itself.

If your director thinks you have memory issues, it may because you're work performance is lacking in some way, or indicating that you can't remember things you should know or have been taught. If I were you, I'd speak with the director about his/her specific reasons for thinking you have a memory problem.
Do YOU see yourself having issues? I mean, I know when I can't remember things and it makes me nervous........makes me question whether or not I'M going down the dementia highway sometimes!!

I wouldn't worry too much if I were you.........get to the root of what your director had to say. Keep an eye on yourself to monitor whether you're forgetting TOO many things or just the once-in-a-while stuff we ALL seem to forget.

I would ask your doctor if you are concerned. What sparked this on? Care to share? Is it a personality clash? Or an off day? Was she having a terrible day and taking it out on you?

I would ignore her unless you feel that your job is in Jeopardy. Then I would address it.

Who is questioning your memory? Is it the director and manager?

The only way to know if you have memory issues is to talk to your doctor and get some testing.

Do you have a union where you work?

Your director seems to be making some very unwarranted and unscientific assumptions; you might consider seeking a consultation with an employment lawyer in order to protect yourself.