My mom suggested I live with her, my dad and my grandson to help my mom manage a three bedroom house, care for my dementia ridden father that also had a stroke, care for my 14 yr old grandson as well. My mom has been showing signs of her health showing signs of weakness especially with my dad staying up all hours of the night, recently she fell again and this time fractured her back! She is very independent and stubborn and refuses to let me stay up at night with my dad. She has never slept longer then 3 hours a night since her 30's. Now she is showing signs of extreme anger and is very explosive. I moved here 5 days ago and every day is the same. I have tried to help by suggesting she call for some help but she says she doesn't have the energy. I help with the housework and she will sleep more often during the day. Even though I am doing everything I can it still isn't enough. I feel like I'm an intruder. Now she is being very emotionally abusive towards me and when I try to say no you can't treat me like this she stone walls me or says she doesn't remember what she said.

I know she is exhausted but I will not accept her treating me this way! She still drives and handles everything including yard work and when things break down, but now instead of dealing with it she rages. She also is treating me like a child and says I peer with my grandson!!

She can be very kind and loving but if anything goes wrong as living in an older home does she rages. If I try to say something positive she doesn't want to hear it. Last night she said that our living arrangement wasn't a good idea after all. Worst of all I'm in the basement at 10 pm with nothing but a chair a light and my computer, along with my bedroom. :( Any suggestions would be appreciated. Thank you.

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Your profile says ur Mom is raising your grandson. I get the same impression in your post. Is this an error? If not, why is your Mom raising a great grandchild? Why isn't his Mom or you? I figure his Mom is in her 30s, meaning ur in your 50s, your Mom is in her 70s. Taking care of a teenager and a man with Dementia is a lot on a woman Moms age.

You have only been there and its been five days and its not working. Hopefully you can move out and take your grandson with you. This will give Mom one less person to care for. Live nearby and help out when she needs you.
Helpful Answer (2)
Reply to JoAnn29

Too many seniors demand their kids help them maintain an illusion of "independence" at the expense of their kids' jobs, marriages, children, health, financial security, etc. The problem seems to be getting the seniors to accept help in the form of live-in or visiting help or alternative living arrangements. It's like tunnel vision. They can't see that it isn't independent living at all.

We as children are conditioned to accommodate our parents' wishes. We're not used to taking the bull by the horns and telling our parents how it's gonna be. They don't like it when we do and abuse us for it. Do what needs to be done (inasmuch as you can) and get used to being "the bad guy."

I agree with Countrymouse. Move out and call APS and CPS.
Helpful Answer (1)
Reply to CantDance

Move out!! You don’t need this. Call APS to help.
Helpful Answer (1)
Reply to elaine1962

I think you know what our suggestion is going to be here. You only moved in 5 days ago -- move out ASAP! What was your living situation previously, and can you return to it?

This sounds like a miserable living environment for your 14 y/o grandson.

Are you an only child? Are there any siblings that you can discuss all of this with?
Helpful Answer (1)
Reply to CTTN55

Oh my gosh, save your sanity and leave. Make arrangements for someone to check out the situation. So sorry that you are struggling with this.
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Reply to NeedHelpWithMom

Move out asap. Don't let her drag you and your grandson down with her.
Helpful Answer (5)
Reply to HelloImMinsu

Call APS, call CPS, go home, and visit the household once a day to check up on basic things like food in the fridge, laundry, cleaning etc.

You recognise your poor mother is breaking under the strain because she is hell-bent on handling this on her own - even though you (and we!) can see it is not humanly possible. Yes?

So, don't you do the same. Call for help.
Helpful Answer (9)
Reply to Countrymouse

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